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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Child has been missing since 9pm - frantic !

449 replies

MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 04:03

I don’t even know if anyone is awake to read this but my neurodivergent 13 yr old son left the house quietly at 9pm and hasn’t come home . I caught him out about something pretty awful he had done, and he denied it and left rather than deal with it / talk about it , he left.

We live in central London and he’s gone without keys , phone or money . After 2 hours driving around looking for him, l reported to the police and they have him now listed as a vulnerable missing person but l’m going out of my mind .

Has any other parent experienced this ? My head is going to a thousand awful scenarios …it’s 4 am now and so cold .

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:19

IdiottoGoa · 08/05/2025 19:53

So glad he’s home. Not to the same scale as yours but my autistic and learning disabled son was unhappy with me one morning because I wouldn’t let him play on his console (must have been about 12), so while I was in the shower at 6am he let himself out of the house and disappeared. I found him 30 minutes later wandering the streets wrapped in his duvet and carrying his teddy, looking for a friends house because he thought they’d let him play on their console.

So scary .. the fear and anxiety of keeping them safe when they’re not great at it themselves is huge. So glad it was only 30 mins but probably felt like hours x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:20

ThisCheeryTealFatball · 09/05/2025 05:05

Why isn't there?

It's completely relevant to why he would have ran. Why he would have ran without taking anything to help him out. And why he's more vulnerable on his own. And why his mother has more reason to worry.

So why shouldn't she have mentioned it? Please explain.

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Thank you ..and the police thought it was relevant too !

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:23

DreamTheMoors · 09/05/2025 00:05

I’m in California, @MrsLighthouseso there wasn’t much I could do to help but I’ve been praying as I’ve read your updates.
And hallelujah you found him!
I know you’re relieved.
What an awful night.
I hope nothing like this ever happens again, but do you think something like an Apple Watch would be helpful?
I realise now might not be the time for considering such things, so just file that away and soak in the joy of your son being safe and sound back at home where he belongs.
I’m very happy for you.
Sending love from across the Atlantic ❤️

That’s a really good suggestion ! Better than my idea of keeping him prisoner til he’s 30 ! Thanks for your kind words x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:26

LegoTherapy · 08/05/2025 18:42

Im so relieved to read your update! I saw it this morning and have regularly checked in hoping he’d been found safe and sound. My Dd ran away regularly but usually went to her dad’s. Also ASD/adhd and I became very fluent in reporting her gone again. I hope everything works out well for you and your Ds and send an unmumsnetty hug x

Thank you ..and lm aware this is the first but may not be the last time he does this but all the posts and support on here has made me more confident that l’ll deal with it as you all are doing ❤️

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:28

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 08/05/2025 18:55

What adhd meds is he on does it need increasing or does he need a top up. If not he may find marijuana helps and then you have a drug issue to contend with. I have adhd as do both of my kids we all take concerta plus instants

He’s on none but we are talking about exploring that avenue now .

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:29

Luvmusic · 08/05/2025 20:16

Hope he comes home soon. Sending loving thoughts

Thank you he is home now x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:40

GladiatoooorsReadyyyy · 08/05/2025 20:35

I saw your first posts this morning and felt sick with worry on your behalf, my daughter ‘ran away’ last week but I found her quite quickly (like 15 minutes). I’m so glad he’s home and safe and hope you can work through whatever is worrying him

Thank you ..it’s hard being a teenager and worries feeling overwhelming . Glad your daughter didn’t get far x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:44

SamkaSabrinka · 08/05/2025 22:43

Thank God he is home.

I think we need to be super careful about pushing teens emotionally. I've noticed how with mine even the slightest sense of disapprobation on my part can send her spiralling, sometimes in a total over reaction. Must be the hormones. Very very turbulent and challenging time, and worse if with ADHD (makes you more sensitive - I should know).

You don't need advice now, I know. You needed support and it's just great people were able to help. But your situation reinforces my own rule which is that I never remove the phone. Like you say, it's the tracker more than anything else. Pity we can't have them microchipped : ) bless them. So so glad he's back with you.

It has made us think twice about removing the phone as a punishment ! It’s so hard for teenagers these days not to feel overwhelmed ..especially when they’re adhd. Thanks for the support x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:47

EdithBond · 08/05/2025 21:11

Such fantastic news you found him, OP! ❤️. Have been thinking about you all day, having seen your overnight post, and willing him to be found.

I agree with @myplace about a safe place to run to. When my (NT) DS was a similar age, he stormed out and ended up at his Grandma’s a couple of times. A train ride away in another town, so not without dangers, but at least my mother could let me know he was safe.

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This is SO helpful … l would never have thought of this. I’ll have a discussion about an agreed “safe place” very few relatives but we do live near a 24 hr major London station so maybe that ?

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Teenybub · 09/05/2025 07:48

MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:44

It has made us think twice about removing the phone as a punishment ! It’s so hard for teenagers these days not to feel overwhelmed ..especially when they’re adhd. Thanks for the support x

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Could you put an air tag in his coat? It will flash up on his phone but maybe say it’s because his coat is expensive? If you do take his phone and it happens again he might forget with him not having his phone with him

Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:50

ThisCheeryTealFatball · 09/05/2025 05:10

We've been through all this with our autistic DC, one thing you should know going forward is you can report them missing straight away. Don't wait two hours, if they're vulnerable, just report.

I'm so glad he's home.

Good advice ..thank you ! X

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 07:55

DadofDaughters · 08/05/2025 23:01

This happened to me about a month ago. 12 year old neurodivergent DD ran off on a Friday night around 830. Drove around for 2 hours looking for her and alerted the police too who issued her description. She came home at 1030. And am sure your son will do so too. Social services followed up and we also got advice as to what to do if it happens again. Sending you a hug.

It’s SO scary ..but advice to give them a “safe space” to go to when they want to come home was really helpful as lm aware this is the first but may not be the last time. Thank you x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 08:26

Teenybub · 09/05/2025 07:48

Could you put an air tag in his coat? It will flash up on his phone but maybe say it’s because his coat is expensive? If you do take his phone and it happens again he might forget with him not having his phone with him

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We are thinking about all this stuff now ..and air tags too . Thank you x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 08:28

Jumpclap · 09/05/2025 07:11

So glad he was found! My ND brother used to do this. He would leave the house with no phone or money, sometimes with no coat or shoes. Once he walked for 35 miles! Luckily he was always found and didn’t come to any harm.

Being found safe is the highest statistic l know .. but in the moment the worst case scenario is strong ! Thank you and glad your brother is ok x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 09:05

BookThief2020 · 08/05/2025 16:30

My largely non-verbal adult cousin went missing earlier this year for more than 24 hours (freezing cold, no coat). I posted on here and the responses were amazing. I was so relieved when the police called to say she’d been found, my knees almost gave out.

I can’t imagine what you’ve been through but am over the moon he’s home and safe with you ❤️

Thank you ..so many people on here knowing the fear is strangely comforting x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 09:10

ColonMustard · 08/05/2025 18:18

Hi there just a quick note to say my heart went out to you when I read your post - I was in your shoes during Covid with my youngest (m15 at the time). The anxiety was unreal. He has ADHD and at the time had a serious K addiction when he jumped out of the Kitchen window at 3am one cold night. I am so happy and relieved you have your boy home. The police were really good in my case despite the drugs element. My son is really happy and in a much better situation now - and I hope your lad can put this behind him and start to thrive as he navigates these tough few years. Best of luck !!!

That’s a positive message despite your son having struggled . The police were great ..l imagine they see families dealing with this all the time . Thank you x

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Musiclover990 · 09/05/2025 10:01

You'll find him, he'll probably turn up at a friends house perfectly well. I live in a small town in the North East and this seems to happen every week eg: "14 year old Maisy-Mae missing since 6pm". Usually found "safe and well" a few hours later, hiding at a mates house 🙄

CustardySergeant · 09/05/2025 11:15

Musiclover990 · 09/05/2025 10:01

You'll find him, he'll probably turn up at a friends house perfectly well. I live in a small town in the North East and this seems to happen every week eg: "14 year old Maisy-Mae missing since 6pm". Usually found "safe and well" a few hours later, hiding at a mates house 🙄

The OP found him yesterday morning.

Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 14:23

ColonMustard · 08/05/2025 18:18

Hi there just a quick note to say my heart went out to you when I read your post - I was in your shoes during Covid with my youngest (m15 at the time). The anxiety was unreal. He has ADHD and at the time had a serious K addiction when he jumped out of the Kitchen window at 3am one cold night. I am so happy and relieved you have your boy home. The police were really good in my case despite the drugs element. My son is really happy and in a much better situation now - and I hope your lad can put this behind him and start to thrive as he navigates these tough few years. Best of luck !!!

Sorry thought l’d replied ? The police were great . So glad your son is in a better place ..we just need to hold space for them . Thank you x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 15:10

OurManyEnds · 08/05/2025 13:39

We had a loooong period of keeping doors locked, medication in a safe, knives stored away up high, etc.

But happy to report that things have improved immeasurably. I hope it goes the same way for you and your boy 🩵

We had some of that when he was younger but his SH seems to have stopped ..replaced however with a lot of emotional turmoil . Never a dull moment . Always hopeful of improvement xx

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 15:11

HPFA · 08/05/2025 14:28

Very glad to hear he's safe.

On the phone issue - if you think it important to retain the power of confiscating the phone you could keep a little dumb phone charged up and in credit with the important numbers in as contacts.

Then if you do have to take his own phone away you can hand it over so he still has a means of contact with you and his friends.

Good call ! Thank you xx

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 15:12

ParentingRollerCoaster · 08/05/2025 15:18

I am so glad that your son is home safely. 10 days ago, my son was missing, I was awake for hours, marking time and holding on, it is only now, that I feel able to cry about the fear that I felt at the time. Be gentle on yourself for a while.. the impact might filter through in pieces.

So glad your son is safe ..trying to be brave , but l feel a bit broken about the whole thing xx probably due a good cry.

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 15:13

user1492757084 · 08/05/2025 14:53

Thank goodness! What a relief.
Can you sew tracking tiles into his shoes?

Tempted 🤣

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 15:15

Teenybub · 08/05/2025 15:18

What an awful experience! I would take comfort in him not being too far from home, to me it suggests he couldn’t handle his emotions but didn’t want to flee.

Exactly that …my sister who works in secondary schools said they usually “ allow themselves to be found ” x

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Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 09/05/2025 15:21

Pancakeflipper · 08/05/2025 12:31

Just checking to see if there's happy news... and there is ! Overjoyed for you.

I have a teen who is Autistic & ADHD and this flight response is a big worry of mine. We've not had an overnight one (yet). In the calm(er) times we've discussed the running away process - the impact on each of us, if it has to happen how to get in contact with someone. But who knows what's around the corner...

I'm so glad he's back. Hope there were big hugs.

Thank you ! This was our first overnighter..hopefully the last ! Another Mumsnet mum suggested discussing a “safe place” with your child in case they stray but really want to be found …l’ve talked today to mine about where l would find him if he ever felt that he didn’t feel he could come home but wanted me to go to him . I thought this was a good idea …just in case . He picked the bus stop outside his primary school .

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