Page 8 | Do I let my 14yo daughters boyfriend come on holiday with us?

peachie82 · 2025-04-26T06:08:58+00:00

My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend of 4 months although they have been friends longer . He’s a nice lad and they seem to get along very well. They spend a lot of time together either just the two of them or with their wider friends groups. at May half term we usually go to a caravan park at the coast for a few nights. She’s asked if he can come this time. The caravan has three bedrooms so he would have his own room but it’s right next to what would be her room. I feel they are at the stage where things might happen, certainly if it was up to him. She does seem very comfortable with him and so far he seems to have been respectful and takes things at her pace, but I’m sure she doesn’t tell me everything. i just want people’s options about if you think we should take him with us or if you think it’s a bad idea. She loves the idea of them having a little holiday together and they are old enough to go off for walks etc together as it’s a very small and safe place, beach, arcades, shops, places to get food etc. I haven’t asked his mum yet, she might say no anyway.

Lookingtomakechanges · 26/04/2025 09:32

Your DD is an only child presumably and spending time just with parents is less fun at that age. Since you know the boy and they have a great time together, it would be a real gift to her to invite him. I don't think they'd see it as an opportunity to have sex. On the first evening you might say something pointed like 'the walls are paper thing in this caravan, you can hear everything!' which would be deeply off-putting.If they want to do the deed, they'll find somewhere closer to home.

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 09:33

Comedycook · 26/04/2025 09:30

Agree.. I have a 14 year old DD. She hasn't had a boyfriend yet. If she did, no way would I allow him on a holiday. It's unfair to your DD, if you did allow it, you'd be framing the relationship as being much more serious and long term than it actually is. What if she wants to split up with him but can't because he's coming on holiday with you?

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It was her that asked, we didn’t invite him. And if she wants to split up with him then she can and he won’t come. It’s our caravan, we don’t need to book and pay. It’s not like we are taking him half way round the world for two weeks, it’s very casual and low key

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TheKeeperOfTissues · 26/04/2025 09:33

Teenagers will find a way to have sex if that's what they're going to do.
Disabled toilets seem to be a favourite place 🤷🏻‍♀️

@peachie82 if you are sharing a room with your daughter, her father is there also, I doubt they will be risking caravan sex.
Sex anywhere else (at anytime) is possible.
But you know your daughter.

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2025 09:34

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:21

Seriously. Taught in secondary for 16 years. Under KcKsie you have to report everything. Even if you don’t think it will amount to much.

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Report what?

I don't agree with the OP taking him, but what on earth is there to report?

twilightcafe · 26/04/2025 09:34

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2025 09:32

Depends how easy you make it for them

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Hard agree. They are 14! They'll survive a few days apart.

Loopytiles · 26/04/2025 09:34

Teen DC frequently ask for things, some age appropriate and reasonable, some not. This is one of the latter.

Calmdownpeople · 26/04/2025 09:36

Hell the fuck no.

As other had said - over sexualising teens

Young teens acting like grownups.

A relationship that is almost certainly not going to last.

And finally it’s a family holiday.

Asking for trouble if you ask me. Next at 15 it will be can he stay over.

healthybychristmas · 26/04/2025 09:37

No way. You'll be on pins all night wondering if they're running into each other's rooms. It sounds as though you think he in particular would do that and there's no way I would allow that on my holiday. It would ruin the whole holiday.

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2025 09:37

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:39

I do understand your confusion. Being in the house for short periods etc would be considered the norm at that age. Taking him on holiday would be considered that your daughter is being treated beyond her age and capabilities. Safeguarding isn’t just about protecting them from having sex it would be that you are potentially putting them in a situation they aren’t emotionally mature enough to cope with. I know you mean well and in all honestly when reported it would not come to anything. BUT my point is simply that teachers would be duty bound to report it,

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Seriously. when do you get time to teach while you're monitoring to this ridiculous degree?

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 09:37

Lookingtomakechanges · 26/04/2025 09:32

Your DD is an only child presumably and spending time just with parents is less fun at that age. Since you know the boy and they have a great time together, it would be a real gift to her to invite him. I don't think they'd see it as an opportunity to have sex. On the first evening you might say something pointed like 'the walls are paper thing in this caravan, you can hear everything!' which would be deeply off-putting.If they want to do the deed, they'll find somewhere closer to home.

Yes she’s an only child and does spend a lot of time with her friends, they are her life at the moment and we are just there for food and pocket money, which is fine- I’m just glad she’s happy,
I agree with you in thay if they wanted to have sex- which she had been very clear she does not- there are many ways they would find such as at friends houses, much more likely than at a caravan where she is in a double bed with me at one end of the massive caravan and he is in a little room at the other side, through the kitchen and lounge, right next to the other room her dad will be in! when I wrote the post o said theirs rooms would be next to each other but it would make much more sense for her to sleep in with me and her dad in the other spare soon as then they are totally separate,l

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TheFormidableMrsC · 26/04/2025 09:38

No absolutely not.

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 09:38

TheKeeperOfTissues · 26/04/2025 09:33

Teenagers will find a way to have sex if that's what they're going to do.
Disabled toilets seem to be a favourite place 🤷🏻‍♀️

@peachie82 if you are sharing a room with your daughter, her father is there also, I doubt they will be risking caravan sex.
Sex anywhere else (at anytime) is possible.
But you know your daughter.

Disabled toilets oh my days that is grim.

OP posts:

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 09:39

healthybychristmas · 26/04/2025 09:37

No way. You'll be on pins all night wondering if they're running into each other's rooms. It sounds as though you think he in particular would do that and there's no way I would allow that on my holiday. It would ruin the whole holiday.

I mean she will be in bed with me so I doubt they would risk that!

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Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 26/04/2025 09:45

I don't think I would encourage this being 'joined at the hip' at such an early age. It's only three days away. Being in a healthy relationship means they can both do their own thing with other people without the need to always be together. A day trip might be a good compromise.

Crinkleybottomburger · 26/04/2025 09:47

No.

Rocknrollstar · 26/04/2025 09:48

If they are going to have sex they will. When I was teaching my pupils told me it was in doorways, on park benches or, if he was older, in a car. I think your DD will be a lot happier if he comes away with your for the three nights. Therefore, you will also have a better time. You might need to work out the finances - teenage boys eat a huge amount. When my DS went away with his girlfriend’s family they said they couldn’t believe how much food he consumed.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 26/04/2025 09:49

Proper best mates friendship fine.In a relationship no i wouldn't tbh.

WooleyMunky · 26/04/2025 09:50

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 09:38

Disabled toilets oh my days that is grim.

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Talk to any fast food staff...

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 09:50

Rocknrollstar · 26/04/2025 09:48

If they are going to have sex they will. When I was teaching my pupils told me it was in doorways, on park benches or, if he was older, in a car. I think your DD will be a lot happier if he comes away with your for the three nights. Therefore, you will also have a better time. You might need to work out the finances - teenage boys eat a huge amount. When my DS went away with his girlfriend’s family they said they couldn’t believe how much food he consumed.

Oh yes I have noticed how much he eats- about triple the portion size she does and then has seconds. But it’s actually quite nice having someone for tea who eats anything and everything!

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40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 09:51

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2025 09:37

Seriously. when do you get time to teach while you're monitoring to this ridiculous degree?

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Most Schools have an online desktop app called cpoms to make reporting safeguarding concerns ( no matter how minor they appear) really quick and easy. This then sends an alert usually to the head of year and DSL in the school . They then will look to see if it forms part of a bigger picture with that child.

Youre right though and perhaps part of the reasons teachers are leaving in their droves is the expectation they have to do too much

TheFairyCaravan · 26/04/2025 09:51

No I wouldn’t allow it. 14 is far too young for these intense relationships where they can’t be apart from each other. You keep harping on that it’s “only 3 days”, so look at it from the other side, 3 days isn’t long for them to be apart. It’s not like you’re taking her to the other side of the world for weeks, is it?

And, yes, I have had teenagers, who at 14 wouldn’t have even asked this question.

BlueSpikeyPearls · 26/04/2025 09:53

Cynicalaboutall · 26/04/2025 07:17

Yes, if you like him and can bear to spend a week with him, you’ll all have a better time.
Have a sensible talk with her about age of consent, contraception etc regardless of the holiday.

If they want to have sex they’re going to have it regardless.

I was thinking the same. Better to stay involved at this age. It'll be much easier to keep an eye on them and will also foster open communication from your daughter.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 26/04/2025 09:53

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:16

Absolutely not. For many reasons. One being that when her or his Teachers hear this happened( which they will) they will have to report it to the designated safeguarding officer at the school.

Why would they do this ?

I don’t think that the OP should invite her daughter’s boyfriend on the holiday, no. It’s formalising the 4 month relationship between two 14 year olds too much, I think it could add pressure that neither of them need.

But I don’t see how it could be deemed a safeguarding concern. I would expect that a school would be working with all its pupils on issues around consent and contraception at that age anyway.

LastoftheFamousInternationalPlayboys · 26/04/2025 09:54

I would consider this at 16/17 but not 14. As a mum of boys I don't think I'd have put my sons in this position at 14 anyway.

fourelementary · 26/04/2025 09:56

@peachie82 I have two adult kids so have gone through the teenage years…and survived. So far lol as I’m not out of it yet either. I also was a teenage mum as was my daughter. So I can’t say I got it completely right.
I can say that, like many young girls, I was in relationships from a young age and had a “steady boyfriend” age 14 who I later got pregnant to and married. I do agree with the posters here saying that to some degree going on holiday gives a more serious overlay to the relationship of domestic life and living together vibes- but I completely disagree that not allowing this holiday will make any difference at all to whether that’s how she feels or views the relationship. I think that’s a personal thing that varies from person to person… if she wants to have sex then she will, and I can only say that she needs to understand the contraception available to her and the morning after pill. And that every single time you have sex it can end in pregnancy. For some reason that was the issue for my dd- she “mostly” used contraception and to this day doesn’t know why it wasn’t always… (and freely admits to just being horny and stupid in the moment). My ex H and I had sex in a TENT whilst my parents slept in the same tent on a camping holiday. Also in the shower block at the campsite. My parents had NO idea (and still don’t to this day!!!)
What could my parents have done differently? I guess being a little less naive would have meant we had less opportunity BUT it wouldn’t have stopped us.

So fast forward 13/14 years and our son (now my son as exH long buggered off) has a lovely girlfriend. Polite, clever and a good influence on him for school etc. Both of them said they were not in a sexual relationship early one and tbh I don’t think they were. No signs or caught, and if they had been I’d have been more annoyed at the lack of honesty than the sex. They did have sex after they were 16 and were honest about that and had sleepovers at hers which her mum was happy for but not me and they broke up after High school without drama. She came on a family holiday with us when they were 15… separate rooms- and I probably put them off domestic life as I had toddlers and babies by then too!

What I am saying is you can’t change whether or not your teen has sex. Be honest and respectful towards her and ask for that respect back. I feel terrible that I was disrespectful towards my parents in the sneaking around behind their backs and doing things they’d never suspect of me!

Enjoy your holiday and if you think your dd will have a nicer time with her BF there, then take him too. But equally you may not have many holidays left with just her, so perhaps a weekend away the 3 of you is also a nice idea.

Oh and FWIW sleeping with her in her room is OTT. You either trust she won’t sneak around and sleep with your husband or you don’t take the BF. Set your boundaries.