Do I let my 14yo daughters boyfriend come on holiday with us?

[peachie82]

My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend of 4 months although they have been friends longer . He’s a nice lad and they seem to get along very well. They spend a lot of time together either just the two of them or with their wider friends groups.

at May half term we usually go to a caravan park at the coast for a few nights. She’s asked if he can come this time. The caravan has three bedrooms so he would have his own room but it’s right next to what would be her room. I feel they are at the stage where things might happen, certainly if it was up to him. She does seem very comfortable with him and so far he seems to have been respectful and takes things at her pace, but I’m sure she doesn’t tell me everything.

i just want people’s options about if you think we should take him with us or if you think it’s a bad idea. She loves the idea of them having a little holiday together and they are old enough to go off for walks etc together as it’s a very small and safe place, beach, arcades, shops, places to get food etc.

I haven’t asked his mum yet, she might say no anyway.

I would allow it - in the circumstances you describe.
As for 'safeguarding ' , I find it very hard to believe a teacher would report it.
Your holiday will be more relaxing for you if your daughter is happy.

I can tell from your responses OP that you’re going to allow it so there’s not much point in us posting anything more.

What I mean is, on this trip I heard some very worrying stories from my daughter and her friends about what a couple of the boys and girls got up to on the night as the teachers were in bed at the other side of the hostel. They were up all night and in and out of each others rooms. On our family holiday I am right there. She would sleep in a room with me, her dad in one room and him in another. Seems a lot safer to me.

At 14 they are still children and should just be considered as friends. I’d knock on the head any of this boyfriend and girlfriend stuff. Way too young and immature.

I think the alternative/compromise of a full day visit is good. He can get a train down 9/10am as only half an hour journey. Meet him for a coffee/brunch then they can have time in the town then meet up for a early evening meal and see him off on the train.
I was surprised by the initial safeguarding comments but the explanation by current teachers was enlightening. Another 'invisible' duty they have to comply with outside of delivering a lesson. Thanks to those who clarified it. Enjoy the break OP, it sounds lovely.

Well he would like to and she would like to as they wanted to hang out and do fun things together during the day in a lovely new place. So while not essential, it was just something nice to do and for them to look forward to.

Not necessarily. I will chat to his mum and explore the day visit options.

Do you have teenagers?

Totally. My DD is almost 14 and it’s an age to have fun with friends not a serious boyfriend, there’s so much time for that. Invite a girl instead.

I'm sure they would both want a sleepover at the house too. Even more so if they are allowed a sleepover on holiday which is essentially the same thing.

If sleepovers aren't allowed then they aren't allowed, home or on holiday.

No they won't. Thats ridiculous.

Thank you, this might be a good option if his parents are ok with him coming on the train and us meeting him. He’s used to using public transport to get about round where we live and we can meet him at the station.

Survived that age - they are now mid 20’s and both in happy healthy relationships.
At 14 they had a good friendship group of boys and girls from school and after school activities. Life was busy and no time for growing up too quickly.

She does both. She has lots of girl friends and they have come with us before and she’s gone away with them but this time she’s asked for him to come so I have said I’d consider it.

But again it’s not about safety or sex.

You’re adding a whole new layer of intimacy to the relationship where none should exist - because they’re 14 years old.

Just because they want to do something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea or that you need to say yes - they can have a day trip together in the holiday location if they want but there’s absolutely no need for this boy to be spending the night with you or having breakfast with you in a tiny caravan.

Isn’t that normal though anyway, with friends if both sexes? Photographs could be from a day trip, playing outside, a trip to a theme park, etc - not sure photographs from a 3 day trip would make much difference here!

I have childhood photographs of various friends who I don’t know the names of now!

Yeah she has a lovely big mixed friend group
of boys and girls, of which this boy is part of. She works hard, does lots of sports and activities and never gives me any bother , which is why I’m trying to give her some freedom to make choices, but I can see others points of view too so thanks for your input.

Are you serious? Professional everywhere fail to report children being starved, beaten and abused and you’d report this?

Honestly, Mumsnet is like a different universe sometimes…the hysterical over-reaction to this has my mind boggled…reporting to safeguarding …wtf?

Agree.. I have a 14 year old DD. She hasn't had a boyfriend yet. If she did, no way would I allow him on a holiday. It's unfair to your DD, if you did allow it, you'd be framing the relationship as being much more serious and long term than it actually is. What if she wants to split up with him but can't because he's coming on holiday with you?

Nope

I think 14 is too young.

I am amazed the teachers have time to teach with all of these safeguarding reports they must find themselves doing

Depends how easy you make it for them

Absolutely not. No way.