Should we really be tracking adult children even if it is not to micromanage them? AIBU for still doing so?

[AmusedGreenPanda]

So basically, I do not mind my 18 year old only-son having freedom doing what his heart desires while out and about, even if I happen to hate the shit he is doing or think the place is sketchy, his call after all so long as he is mature, but however I request that he tells me when moving from one destination to another in a change of plan, I really could care less about him giving me detail, but at least a message along the lines of “hey mom, me and [some random acquaintance of his’ name] are now heading off to [address of second destination]”. As well as share a live location with me incase of an emergency (not to micromanage him, but just so needed references are there in case of a dire emergency). As such I tell him “yes go ahead if you really want to take your scary looking date to the graveyard to chill, and go club your ass off or whatever afterwards, like you always say, but let me know when you change locations, it is respect”. However later he started asking but what if he ends up only letting me know he is on the way from place one to place two, or also says he really does not feel the need to be going “letting my mom know real quick” a billion times and how inconvenient that would be if he is according to him, going urban exploring in a large area for example, despite the fact I told him I won’t stop him going wherever he wants to go, just requesting a heads up. I tell him in response if he is mature enough he would automatically tell me and that in second sense, it is basic respect and politeness, and if he constantly shows disrespect then no going out. He tends to get defensive and slightly angered over this, thinking I am unfair and controlling over him, and saying parents of some peers are not like this and that he wants to be that way too, and we have had fights about this and it has been getting me to wits end, when I legit told him, he can go out and about wherever his heart desires, but just show a little basic respect ykyk?

Not everyone has the time to sit there and read through every single post, we don't all sit at home all day, some of us have to work.

Definitely a wind up . Written by AI as well I would think . (Am I allowed to say that?)

I agree it's a bit much under normal circumstances. Once they can vote, marry etc we should be trusting that we did the right groundwork when they were younger to help them make good decisions in early adultood. We all have life 360 in my family for convenience and safety but strictly by consent. My eldest has a Life 360 group with her uni flatmates (all girls) as a personal safety thing. When she is home I expect to be told what time to expect her home, but that's it. I keep a closer eye on my 16yo, but that's my job as a responsible parent.

Posters are acting as if having a tracker on is like the Black Mirror episode where I think a woman had a tracker inplanted into her Daughter. It was a weird episode and didn't end well.

Can't everyone just turn the trackers off themselves if they don't want to be tracked?

Why would you want constant messages from another adult? If they need you, they will call. Surely there are things you would rather be doing after spending 18 years dedicated to raising someone than monitoring their every move? You've raised an independent adult who wants to take control of his own life, enjoy the freedom.

When my son is away at university I have no idea what he is doing.

However, when he's home he will tell me if he's going to be out late or staying overnight. And when he went some distance away for NYE with friends he let me know when he arrived safely, and when he was intended to come back.

And this week he has gone away with his girlfriend and he messaged me to say they'd arrived safely.

I think that is reasonable so you don't worry. And I guess if they are always home from work at the same time but are working late or going out for a drink afterwards you might let the person you live with know as well. I would let my DH know in those circumstances.

And I still let my mum know I've arrived safe home when I've come home from visiting her!

It's all so easy these days with texts or messages, it's not like you have to pick up the phone.

I track my kids aged 18 and 16 and they track me. I don't see any issue with it whatsoever. I also track my DP and he tracks me, and I track my best friend and vice versa. It's just nice knowing where people are. BTW kids are used to this because they always track each other on snapchat and there are little avatars everywhere showing their locations. So it is normal for them. It lets me feel closer to them when they're on trips etc.

Nice wind up OP, a crazy one at that.

OK admit I haven't read the whole thread but I have teens/ young adults and what we all have as a family, including me and DH is the free life360 app so we can all check, if we want, where family members are( or their phones are at least!)
It's really useful to see if someone is on the way back in time for dinner, stuck in traffic etc, left their phone in car or dropped it at the station etc.
I do think if you all live in the same house it's polite to say I'm going to cinema tonight with x should be home around y. If you get delayed and going to be late or are staying over at a friend's then you should also text to let the people you live with know.
That way no-one worries and in an emergency you know where they are.
DH and I do this so think teen and young adult DC living with you should too. It's just respectful.
But I wouldnt ask them to text me if they change pubs or decide to go bowling rather than cinema etc

It's not "basic respect" to expect to know where your 18 year old is at all times.

It's intrusive and controlling.

The black mirror episode reflects the next step to adults turning off their trackers! Do you not see the irony in your post?

Yes it is controlling your child is an adult. I don't even do that with my 13 year old

I disagree. It is weird and controlling. Me, my DH and my 19 year old DC could not live in a family like yours.

I think this is AI or similar. Save your breath/fingers.

Yes, I get that.

However, a lot of posters have said that they do use trackers with their families consent. A lot of young people like it. They like to track their friends. If everyone is up for it then it is nobody elses business.

Forcing someone to be tracked is VERY wrong.

All I ever asked if my kids were going out was Where (roughly)? What time will you be back? Let me know if much later.
If not coming home then please let me know that so I can lock up

@NewBootsWeather Friend tracking is completely different to parents of adult children tracking. This is healthy, building relationships with peers, looking out for each other on nights out and building an independent mindset of how to navigate the adult world without parents being weird and controlling.

So glad my DC has not been indoctrinated into this weird parent adult child behavior of tracking each other’s moves.

......When I was 18, I moved 200 miles away for university I wanted to go to. 18 year olds can do that.

Okay, if he's living at home, he owes you basic respect and an idea of when he'll be in/out/when to expect him. But what you're describing is really, really dysfunctional.

Let him live.

As I've said every time you've posted something along these lines OP, you need to back right off.

Your child is an adult, and while he's been very patient with you and polite when he tries to break out of the cage you're keeping him in, one day he's going to get fed up with it. And thats the point that you'll lose all relationship with him.

I think you should just put an AirTag on him and then you would save from having to get him to message. Or maybe get him to wear a camera (like a ring doorbell) around his neck.

Obviously, you are being silly but you care about him and that’s nice and it can be hard to let go. Give him some freedom.

…and yet, here you are. 🤪

When I was 18 at Uni, I would never have allowed
my mum to track me or constantly ask where I was. I think you’re best to foster a relationship whereby they are happy to check in with you and make contact with you - than expect it.

Not tracking every move here. He's had it turned off for 7 days and I didn't know.

We use it if he's travelling as he's 18 years and it's new. He wants us to.

Stop trying to act superior when you know nothing about people's parenting and relationships with their family.

Totally bizarre. I have my children's locations but wouldn't check unless I was concerned that they were extremely late home or something (also neither of them are adults yet). Your son is an adult and should be treated as such.

Defensive, superior and attacking me personally is your response.

What is your point exactly? Or do you just twist everything to try and belittle others?