DD's clothes - say something or nothing?

[Mayflyoff]

My parents have commented twice on 14yo DD's clothes recently. The first time was a dress that just covered her bum, but she had shorts under it. The second time apparently her dress was showing more cleavage than they thought appropriate. Both times they were out with her in public, so not just commenting on what she was wearing round the house.

Do I share these comments with DD so that she can choose to dress differently around them (or not, as she pleases) or should I just ignore them?

She's a lovely girl, no other issues have been raised.

How do you know the dd is feeling pressure to look sexy? Who is the judge of whether she looks sexy?

I've got 3 daughters who've all experimented with clothing at this age. The cleavage/short dress stage passes (apart from nights out when anything goes). I think it's really usual for teenage girls to push boundaries - I certainly did (although my mum disapproved of my doc martins/baggy t shirt combo). Making a comment is likely to push your dd to rebel more. I did used to comment if we were going somewhere where it was more appropriate to cover up.

I'd tell your parents to mind their own business.

And the comments on here about needing to cover up because short skirts/cleavages make the grandfather or men uncomfortable are just ridiculous.

She's not walking around in her underwear. And yes if you want to go out in a crop top and shorts in the summer, why not? Imo the scrunch bum leggings are more unpleasant than a bit of cleavage or thigh.

Give over, they aren't commenting on her body per se, but her inappropriate clothing choices. What 14 year old chooses to go out with gp"s in a very short /low cut dress? Hate the way people say it's her choice etc. She's a child, it's not her choice entirely. She need to be taught to wear appropriate clothes for the occasion or else Op's daughter will be the one turning up to a funeral in a short body con dress with bare legs a stilettos.

DP’s dd is 12 and wants to wear clothes that are stereotypically “sexy”. Her friend was posing with her pierced midriff out and described herself as looking sexy.

It comes from the influencers; TikTok and tv shows.

They need to learn that what’s appropriate in a nightclub for an adult isn’t appropriate everywhere

Of course it's inappropriate. Would you, as an adult woman, go to visit your gramps and granny with your tits and arse out? I know I definitely wouldn't, it's disgraceful.

What's the purpose of clothing like that? I've seen a girl of about 13 last autumn. It was quite chilly, windy and rainy. She was wearing those tiny lycra up-your-butt shorts and a bralette with AF1s. Essentially she was wearing underwear and not even particularly covering ones.

For what? Yea, it's not 'for comfort', no one will convince me that shorts wedged high up your ass is comfier than a lose dress, trackies, whatever. She was shivering, it was cold, hardly comfy. What for then? To show her body off? To whom? Why does a child need to show half her ass hanging out? Where's her mother?

I was with my 12 year old and to us she looked pitiful. Like that child prostitute from 'Taxi driver', exploited and misguided. But there will be plenty of men of all ages oggling her and thinking something else entirely.

Why would any parent allow this, I'm not sure. Why would you want to look sexy when going to see your elderly grandparents, I'm even less sure. My parents wouldn't allow me out of the house dressed like a whore (as they'd put it) and now that I'm an adult, I entirely agree with them and their terminology.

Coincidentally, it's entirely British thing. Young girls made up and dressed like prostitutes. Won't see that anywhere else in Europe.

It's time parents started to parent again.
This attitude that young girls want /need to experiment with clothes, let her wear what she wants, she will grow out of it, is just another sign of lazy parenting.

As for the comments that girls are being body-shamed because it's pointed out that they can't wear whatever inappropriate garb they like where they like..
maybe it's time the parents grew up.

You can look beautiful and honestly stunning without having your bits out

When I was 14 I was wearing mini skirts about the size of a belt along with skinny ribbed tops and massive platform shoes. This was 1971. My dad was going to visit the widow of a work colleague and he wanted to me to accompany him. He asked me to wear something more "conservative". Of course, I kicked off and behaved like a proper little madam. Looking back, I understand that the visit was a sad and sombre one and he wanted it to be dignified and appropriate. I feel so ashamed at the way I spoke to my poor dad that day. Dressing appropriately for the occasion or company you're in is a good life lesson for young people.

Keep in mind that exposing cleavage means any evidence of breasts and exposing arse means anything above the knee to most boomers and then you will see the error of your opinion.

My DGM would be 96 if she were alive, one of her few clothing items she was most taken with, and told me about in detail how much she liked it, was a swimsuit made of black crochet mesh, see through, with a nude lining that she wore in the 60s.

Your DM sounds far older than her time tbh! Did she have very old fashioned parents? Or very concerned about 'what will the neighbours think'?

I had school friends in the 00s who had parents that would say 'you're not leaving the house like that' to some perfectly ordinary outfit, who were all very old fashioned in lots of ways - one of them even wore a hilda ogden style house coat!

I think you should tell her it's perfectly ordinary clothes, and she's being very old fashioned. And not to say anything to DD if she doesn't want to fall out with her.

The shorts and skirts they wear have actual bum cheeks out though. Even to school with some of them.

'Boomers'? are you talking of the generation of women who fought long and hard for womens liberation, so future generations of women had the tools to fight for more equality?
Oh...and they were the ones who burnt their bras and popularised the mini in the 60's too. 😉

Sorry about what happened to you.

The person who assaulted you would get a kick out of girls dressed in next to nothing.
That's the worrying thing.
Not everyone out there will look at kids as just kids experimenting with clothing.