DD's clothes - say something or nothing?

[Mayflyoff]

My parents have commented twice on 14yo DD's clothes recently. The first time was a dress that just covered her bum, but she had shorts under it. The second time apparently her dress was showing more cleavage than they thought appropriate. Both times they were out with her in public, so not just commenting on what she was wearing round the house.

Do I share these comments with DD so that she can choose to dress differently around them (or not, as she pleases) or should I just ignore them?

She's a lovely girl, no other issues have been raised.

I agree, the grooming gangs got away with it for decades because the authorities were afraid to bring race/religion into it, that's generally undisputed now.

My second comment was in answer to "It wasn't until a middle aged man cupped me on a busy tube whilst pretending to balance, that I realised, it is a done thing, men do it all the time, in plain site."

It's not 'victim blaming' to point out that women do often keep quiet in public, especially in crowds, when men grope or rub up against them.
Sometimes it's shock, or the woman may not be sure it was deliberate, the perv has often picked his target carefully, and some women just don't want to make a scene.

It has always happened. I don't often use public transport now, but it has happened to me in the past (man spreading being a very common practice on buses) and it still happens today.

It is victim blaming.

Most cases are thrown out when you do report or are drawn out.
That's why women don't report it.

Men continuing to do it is because of no consequences from the people in power.

It's not the woman's fault in any way.

Blame lies squarely with the perpetrator and justice system.

The Oldham stuff is going on a tangent. A 14 year old shouldn't have her boobs and arse out in front of her grandparents.

A 14 year old shouldn't have her boobs and bum out in public in the first place, unless of course it's an appropriate place to do so, beach, swimming baths etc.

It seems that some think girls and women can walk down the high street half naked and no man should dare to give them a second glance.🙄

It's freezing cold I'd wonder why she was outside wearing a dress that just covered her bum with shorts on but no coat to keep her warm. I'm not surprised her grandparents commented on it tbh.

I agree 100%

However, your OP says, “My parents”, which infers your mum, AND your dad.

My mum was the one to mention the skirt length. My mum then told me that my dad had an issue with the cleavage showing in the other dress when he went out with DD.

It's a bit hard to know if he did have an issue with it as my mum tends to invoke my dad when she wants me to take something seriously. That's because my mum tends to say slightly mad stuff, so I usually ignore the mad stuff. It may well be something my mum commented on to my dad, who may have nodded along to humour her, and then my mum will have taken this as his fulsome agreement and passed the message on to me as "your father says..."

It was obviously easier to say that my parents have an issue than to explain the dynamic in our family.

A 14-year old is plenty old enough to learn that some fashion clothes aren’t suitable for a day out with grandpa & grandma, without this somehow causing some terrible decline in self-image or a political protest.

Presumably she has to adhere to a school uniform or dress code, and understands that what works at the theatre isn’t the same as the beach on holiday: we shouldn’t be treating teenagers like they’re emotionally babies or stupid! They are perfectly able to understand subtle differences in outfits and clothing styles. And it doesn’t have to become a feminist/age issue either - it’s just about dressing appropriately for the company. It would be the same if teenage boy had his pants or arse crack on show in low jeans, or was wearing a hoodie with an unsuitable image or slogan.

Skirt a bit less short (or with tights), and a slightly more normal top on, that’s all that’s needed. Just have a quiet word and explain that it’s her job to be a little bit accommodating to relatives taking her out. Teenagers all know perfectly well how to do this and it’s a good skill to practice anyway.

(I say this as someone who has been known to wear teeny pelmet skirts and have cleavage on show not only when young, but well into my late 30s before I had kids/got fat 😆 - but it’s all about the right time and place!)

remember granny and grandad grew up in a time where bathing suits covered their entire bodies.

This made me lol though - granny and grandpa are probably between 60-70, so young in the 70s or 80s, not the Edwardian era 😂😂🤣 Have you ever seen any 1970s swimsuits?

I think not teaching your kids how to dress appropriately for different situations is doing them a massive disservice. Lots of people clearly disagree though, presumably the same parents who also don’t bother teaching basic manners and consideration for others.

Yeah it's hard.. I think people should wear whatever they want but I also hate how creepy men will be perving on them.

i think something very low cut at the top or a micro mini skirt is an odd choice of outfit to visit your grandparents in.

Obviously easier, but unclear to people reading. Whomever it is though, it’s inappropriate.

Reading through this thread, quite a few posters think advising young girls of what not to wear will dent their little sensitive ego's...let them wear what they want, it's their choice.
Bloody rubbish.

You tell your girls how lovely they are, criticizing their clothes is not the same as criticizing them.
It's wrong to follow the 'Emperor's new clothes' syndrome of pretending anything goes...sexy clothes are not fine on children, and every body shape does not look good in everything.

Couldn’t agree more @NovemberMorn

@NovemberMorn isn't it more that we are saying teaching teenage girls that they need to change how they dress because it might make men feel uncomfortable is not good messaging. It just makes yet another generation of women responsible for modifying their behaviour because men apparently can't.

No, it's teaching girls to respect themselves and their bodies.
The only ones who benefit from young girls in skimpy clothes are the men themselves...why should a young girl pander to their needs?

It's perfectly possible to have both self respect and cleavage @NovemberMorn.

But children are being taught that they need to be sexy, by influencers and social media. It’s not ok. Totally different for adults.

If she is comfortable in what she’s wearing and you have no major concerns tell them to leave her be.

My partners 12 year old was sitting in my house the other day wearing a pink satin corset top and little shorts. It made me really uncomfortable, as I’m sure it would her if I wore that round her! I told her to put on appropriate clothes 🤷🏼‍♀️

Of course it is, I have plenty myself.
Not when I was a young kid though. I wore age appropriate clothes.

Exactly that.
It started a few years ago, young girls being almost brainwashed by internet influencers, people more interested in grabbing fame and money, than what they are actually promoting.
I remember a girls magazine, (around 10 years ago) did a survey of who kids most aspired to be when they grew up...Katie Price topped the poll.🙄

This..