DD's clothes - say something or nothing?

[Mayflyoff]

My parents have commented twice on 14yo DD's clothes recently. The first time was a dress that just covered her bum, but she had shorts under it. The second time apparently her dress was showing more cleavage than they thought appropriate. Both times they were out with her in public, so not just commenting on what she was wearing round the house.

Do I share these comments with DD so that she can choose to dress differently around them (or not, as she pleases) or should I just ignore them?

She's a lovely girl, no other issues have been raised.

There are short skirts and there are short skirts though and I agree that it’s down to us as parents to guide. Similarly with showing cleavage - there’s a time and a place for this and I don’t think an outing with grandparents is that time.
I can’t for the life of me see how the OP having a word with her daughter about her clothing choices will affect how she views her body in future - this is nothing to do with the clothes not suiting her body shape it’s about the need to consider whether they appropriate for what she’s doing and being respectful to others.
Some of the comments about the grandparents and particularly grandad have have been very unkind - presumably OP’s daughter doesn’t spend all day every day with them so it shouldn’t be a great hardship for her to wear something a little more suitable when she does.

If grandad will be traumatised by seeing a child's underwear then grandad should stop looking at children's groins.
It is not women or girl's responsibility to dress for men's comfort, enjoyment, ability to control themselves. If men have a problem, it's high time men deal with that themselves.

When my little sis was that age, she wore bum skimming skirts. I was the hippy with ankle length skirts and bangles (think mid '80s).

I always remember her swearing, hand gesturing, screaming at men who dared hoot their car horns or wolf whistle at her.

I love my sis!

Absolutely, in the context of the OP sounds like it's not just how she is.

Assuming you are the one buying the clothes, just don’t buy clothes that are too revealing? I don’t think it’s appropriate for a 14 year old to be showing off cleavage.

youre implying the granddad is some sort of perv. if OP's DC has her cleavage showing and a dress which just about covers her bum where is he supposed to look? irrelevant if she had shorts on - how are the grandparents to know that? they would just be feeling awkward not wanting to look directly at her in case she bends down slightly.

parents have a responsibility to make sure their children are appropriately dressed. no one wants to be seeing a 14 year olds cleavage no matter what occassion it is.

I'd say she has 'grown into' the dresses in question. The short one wasn't that short when we bought it. The other one is empire line and she looks great in it, in a Jane Austen serialisation sort of way. But she definitely had smaller boob's when we bought it.

I’m not saying put her in a nuns habit, but I would personally be more mindful of what she’s wearing at 14. I was wearing mini skirts and more revealing clothing when I was in my late teens / early twenties when I was buying my own clothes. Just my opinion OP.

I'm saying women are not responsible for poor little men's feelings about our clothes or our bodies. That's the thin edge of the wedge that ends up at the thick end with those poor women in Afghanistan.
If grandad feels uncomfortable that is for grandad to deal with, not for him to police his granddaughter 's clothes.

if OP's DC has her cleavage showing and a dress which just about covers her bum where is he supposed to look?

Her face? Anywhere else? Perhaps people should be able to look at people wearing clothes with bodies and not sexualise them? Jesus.

How do you feel about dd wearing those clothes in general and on the specific occasions with the GPS?

Have you ever wanted your dd to dress appropriately for the situation or are you happy that she chooses whatever?

I can't believe the awful comments about grandad on here. If the dress is short enough to need shorts to ensure you dont see your granddaughters underwear you need to be told in advance that she's wearing shorts so that you aren't on edge making damn sure you don't see anything. He'd probably have been fine if she'd been wearing the shorts and a t-shirt.

As a society we're being gaslit that young girls wearing highly sexualised clothing is normal - only one type of person benefits from this belief and it isn't your daughters.

The comments about the short dress actually came from my mum, not my dad. Just for anyone who wants to call him a pervert again.

Interestingly, she wouldn't dress like that for non-uniform day at school, she's more conservative around her peers, except for the school's choice of skort.

If it's okay with you parents then they need to butt out. Pun somewhat intended.

👏👏👏. Guess who's making and profiting from selling said clothes.

Parents & guardians need to empower young girls to realise this.

You can shout all you like about equality, but men and women are wired differently.

Sexualisation of girls needs to stop.

The parenting comes from you though ( & her DF if around).

At 14 most think they know it all, but is it something she'll look back on and wonder why no one advised her?

Grandparents have no automatic right to parental responsibility for their grandchildren so the law would disagree with you entirely.

I’m guessing these are not baggy board shorts but teeny Lycra ones that are basically like knickers ? Why can’t parents tell a 14 year old if their clothing is inappropriate? I once took a group of sixth formers on a trip that involved going into New Scotland Yard. One of the girls turned up in teeny shorts and a crop top. She wasn’t allowed in the building. Kids should learn that beachwear isn’t appropriate in every situation.

Completely agree.

I have a daughter, she is only little, but the messaging starts by the time they're in reception tbh. I'm a young ish parent and find it all quite shocking tbh. I definitely didn't know any children with make up sets or who wore crop tops when I was 5.

I was in a shopping centre the other day with one of those huge displays trying to encourage you to move to the UAE complete with backdrops of beautiful places.

A young girl, probably 7ish was posing in front for a photo from mum. She was dressed pretty normally but the poses she was pulling were very much sexy instragram. I'd honestly have thought she'd be too young to have seen much like that, my youngest dd is 20 so I guess it's changed a lot.

If what they see on tiktok or whatever is scantily clad girls and young woman in sexualised poses then they're going to emulate that.

I’m all for teens expressing their own style/wearing what they chose, within reason. If they’re grown up enough for all these choices then they’re grown up enough to learn about appropriate dressing. Going out with Nana & gramps with butt & boobs showing is (imo) inappropriate and I would be pointing this out to her.

look tennis wear is short skirt with shorts and no one would suggest that being inappropriate, swim suits are skin tight again not inappropriate in the right setting.
nothing wrong with the conversation that in some settings skimpy clothing is not unusual but equally in some settings it's unnecessary.

Agree👍

I'd just mention that although she looks fab, it might be better to dress more conservatively around The Olds as they won't appreciate being able to see her drawers/shorts and cleavage.

She knows to dress appropriately round her peers. She probably hasn't realised that she could do that round her GPs too.

So just because bikinis are ok for the beach, they’re ok for a restaurant? There’s such a thing as appropriate dressing for good reason. I don’t want to walk round the Trafford centre seeing Dave in his speedos.

Edited to apologise, I shouldn’t have skim read & got the wrong end of the stick. Apologies @GildedRage