DD's clothes - say something or nothing?

[Mayflyoff]

My parents have commented twice on 14yo DD's clothes recently. The first time was a dress that just covered her bum, but she had shorts under it. The second time apparently her dress was showing more cleavage than they thought appropriate. Both times they were out with her in public, so not just commenting on what she was wearing round the house.

Do I share these comments with DD so that she can choose to dress differently around them (or not, as she pleases) or should I just ignore them?

She's a lovely girl, no other issues have been raised.

I actually can’t believe you’ve just wrote this. Your father needs his hard drive checking if you can’t have your daughters in a dress without him checking to see if they’re wearing knickers or whether they’ve got their genitals exposed??

I agree with this.

It's a good life lesson conversation to have as a parent.

She can have autonomy over what she wears but developing an understanding of what is appropriate in specific circumstances is a good skill to have.

And? I'm a grandma and I agree

Don’t tell her (this time) - think of it as protecting their relationship. You should protect your daughter from the hurt of knowing her GPs are judging her based on what she wears, and you should protect the GPs from the potential consequence that a 14yo decides she wants to spend significantly less time with people who judge her clothes. (Not saying she’d be right to
do that - but when I was a stroppy 14yo I’d certainly decide that the solution to my GPs not wanting to “be seen out with me” wearing xyz would be not to go out with them, rather than change what I was wearing.)

Why would any teen want to hear or listen to their grandparent’s advice on clothing? Tell them to mind their own business OP!

Not their place to comment or guide. That was their job for when they raised you.

It's your job to guide your own children on whats appropriate to wear and when. Whether the children take note and listen is another matter.

wake up

Most men don't want to see a girls underwear and they don't want to be accused of looking in the wrong place and if the dress is so short that he can't look at her for fear for seeing underwear that's unkind.

U guess some people think it's funny but it's not - it's like banter - a real nasty undercurrent

Stop pretending that it's mens fault for feeling uncomfortable - because if you have to say " she was wearing shorts" you know that it's to make sure the knickers are not seen - so it is too short and the wrong movement will display more than any decent man want to see

Of course you tell her and explain there's a time and a place for wearing different styles of clothing.
It's a very useful skill to have.
It's actually embarrassing what young girls wear sometimes where it is not appropriate to wear certain clothes.
They need to learn how to navigate this landscape and if, as het mother, cannot explain this, who else would tell her in a kind way?
It's a learning curve. A lot of us have been there.

Do get a grip. She was wearing shorts, nothing was on show. It’s not the Victorian age anymore.

I remember wearing very short skirts as a teen and various tops showing abdomen etc.Nothing changes.
My mother gleefully commented once that she had skirts that short in the 60's but she was obviously more elegant than me as apparently I was bending down wrong and my knickers showed. A long lecture was given and a lesson on how to get down to pick things up, dance and get into low cars by mother dearest.
I went into a long skirt phase after that. Nobody wants their mother gloating about you wearing the same fashions! Did grandma not wear mini skirts once?
Either they comment jokingly to the grand child , in a nice way! or they ignore a passing fashion.

Decency never goes out of fashion.

It's one thing to be a teenager, we've all been there, but there's a time and place.

Cleavage at 14 around your grandparents?
Teach her to dress for the occasion, you're there to guide her as a parent.

Body positivity isn't about being half naked.

She was wearing underwear, shorts and a dress ffs. Would you have a problem with a teenage boy wearing shorts? If this is an issue then it’s the issue with the man, not the child!

Oh I would and have ( 3 adult daughters now)
Nothing wrong with learning that bum and boobs out not suitable for every audience.
A simple, we are seeing granny later, can you pop something suitable on.
Can't say it's dented their confidence

Poor men, bless them

Wow, really mixed reactions. I think my parents motivation is that my DD not attract undesirable attention from strangers. She has been mistaken for being at university or even DH's wife before, so she passes for being older than she is.

Tell her what they've said then let her decide what she wants to do about it.

Totally agree @Happyinarcon!
so many threads about kids clothing being sexualised from a very young age which makes 14 seem ok but she is still a child living at home so parents speak up please!

Lets all teach our kids to dress appropriately for the occasion - respecting your elders and relationships is a valuable and very important life skill!

The Grandparent shaming is the embarrassing bit here - not the mother who has the right and should be telling her DD how to dress appropriately.

Please can parents actually parent!!

I wouldn’t think it’s appropriate for my dd to own a dress that only covers her bum tbh. Or own those shorts that only cover half bottoms, in the name of exploring as teenager. I agree with those talking about the importance of dressing appropriately, etc.

I do agree though that it should be up to you. If you think that’s appropriate clothing for your teen to wear, then that’s fine.

It absolutely is their place to guide! They are not demanding anything but it’s rude and disrespectful to dismiss their role

It takes a village to raise a child and all that - grandparents are part of that village.

This. Just because she wants to wear it doesn't mean she should be wearing it on every occasion.

We all speak from our own experiences. Your entitled to your opinion. I am entitled to mine.

I do think that wearing a dress, only just covering your bum, while on a day out with Granny and Grandad seems...unnecessary? 😐

I don't know. I mean, what is inappropriate for a 14yo? Is there anything?

My eldest is 12, so I've all this to come and my friends with older teens struggle with it too.

Why are they saying to you not her? If she has shorts on under a short dress she sounds sensible.

I think this is an interesting perspective. It's useful for your daughter to know that her grandparents feel this way. You're not saying they're right but just that that's how they feel and highlighting that sometimes different generations feel differently and find modern changes hard to understand. She may or may not want to take that into consideration when spending time with them, depends on the relationship. I suppose one way for her to think about it would be how would she feel it granny started wearing certain things that she didn't think fitted the image of a granny 🤣🤣🤣 as long as they have a good relationship this will turn out fine and likely be something you all laugh about in future.

That really depends on your body shape
I have cleavage in everything due to the size of my boobs and did from 13 upwards
The only way I can not have it is to wear tops up to my neck or collarbone and then I just look like a walking pair of boobs so cleavage is lesser of the two

Knickers/bum on show is another thing entirely