DD's clothes - say something or nothing?

[Mayflyoff]

My parents have commented twice on 14yo DD's clothes recently. The first time was a dress that just covered her bum, but she had shorts under it. The second time apparently her dress was showing more cleavage than they thought appropriate. Both times they were out with her in public, so not just commenting on what she was wearing round the house.

Do I share these comments with DD so that she can choose to dress differently around them (or not, as she pleases) or should I just ignore them?

She's a lovely girl, no other issues have been raised.

Er, some girls like wearing skimpy clothing as much as some girls like modest fashion. They feel good in what they wear. You can respect your body regardless of whether you cover up or show some skin.

Men don’t “need” to see girls in skimpy clothing. Your comment is slut shaming girls and perpetuating the myth that men have ‘needs’ or urges they can’t control and girls/women are responsible for dressing modestly so that men aren’t tempted into sexual misconduct or rape.

The only person using the word 'slut' is you.

You as good as called girls in skimpy clothes sluts:
…girls to respect themselves and their bodies. The only ones who benefit from young girls in skimpy clothes are the men themselves...why should a young girl pander to their needs?

Who but sluts don’t “respect themselves or their bodies” would “pander” to the “needs” of men by wearing “skimpy clothes”?

?

If skimpy clothing is all okay because of "body empowerment" (it's not, it's tacky) is it okay for men to sag their trousers and show off their boxers because "they like it"?

Agree. I've brought up four DDs and the idea that there's a time and a place for everything is an important life lesson.

As an aside, was she not freezing dressed like that?

14 seems to be an age when teen girls wear tight fitting, low cut or otherwise outfits that don't usually gain grand parental or parental approval. Generally they seem to dress differently by Yr11/12/13. It's a sea of very wide wide-leg jeans and baggy T-shirts in the current Yr13 I see but I can remember that near transparent white dresses and other quite challenging outfits were to be seen circa yr 10. It's all part of growing up and who we feel we are at whatever stage or what trend we follow

Maybe it's time to take her out shopping again?

My mum was quite conservative and really shamed me about wearing very normal teenager clothes like scoop neck tops or miniskirts. I had big boobs quite early and was tall so long legs. Looking back I had a great figure and I wish she hadn’t made me feel so ashamed of it in my teens and early twenties, I should have enjoyed myself more. It really affected me! I suppose she might have been worried about me being sexualised too young and assaulted but to be honest it was her sexualising my clothes more than anything! And anyway, when I eventually was SAd, it was in my pyjamas by someone I trusted.

I think the potential harm of saying something outweighs the potential harm it could save.

Yeah why not? It’s their bodies, their choice.

This isn’t new amongst teens.
The late 60/70s had teens going about topless with body paint and flowers in their hair saying make love not war.
Late 80s/90 had the low pants, boxers showing trend as gangsta

I could go on. But I think it’s really stupid how every generation does extreme fashion as teens and then gets criticised abs judged for it by these two to three generations older. Let’s break the cycle of shaming and heaping guilt on the young. Just because I got it from older generations as a teen, doesn’t mean I need to revenge/payback by hounding today’s teens.

Everyone's focusing on grandad but OP does say grandparents, so it may well have been grand mother who's making the observation.

Simple solution is if they think she's inappropriately dressed then they don't take her. She can wear what she wants but gran & grandpa don't have to take her out.

Around here it's fairly common for young girls to wander around in what's basically bra and pants, mostly during the summer. Strangely you don't see boys wandering around in just budgie smugglers.

If the weather's like this though I'd insist she put on something a bit warmer.

This isn’t sensible though, as flower children weren’t topless over roast dinner at Grandma’s house ffs

And children weren’t doing it

You are making quite the leap there.
I would never even think a young girl, we are talking of underage kids here, was a slut because she wore revealing clothes.
I would think she hadn't been guided the right way to wear clothes more fitting for her age.
If you think it's OK for 14 year olds to be wearing clothes exposing cleavage and arse, that's your opinion...in my opinion, you are wrong.

How rude and inappropriate for them to comment on a child's cleavage or her skirt length.
Just tell them she wears what she likes and that's not going to change.
And you won't take fashion advice on her behalf from either of them.
Don't tell her what they said either. It will just cause understandable animosity.

Would people genuinely not feel uncomfortable with a scantily clad person at a family dinner or visit?

Person, No, not really, underage child, definitely.

I'd just say "thank you for your feedback, however as long as dd is dressed appropriately for the weather, I won't be making her change her outfit"

Ffs we have to stop shaming young girls/women for enjoying clothes!

I think both are weird. I’m sure people would feel award af if I rocked up like that.

Never mind a child

I think almost everyone would. No matter what they say

It’s not enjoying clothes for children to feel pressure to look sexy

Dinner with granny sorted

@Mayflyoff Short skirt is fine in the summer but not winter. Very low cut top isn't appropriate on a family outing.

🤣🤣🤣 brilliant. 🤣

@BigFatLiar
Re " Around here it's fairly common for young girls to wander around in what's basically bra and pants, mostly during the summer. Strangely you don't see boys wandering around in just budgie smugglers. "

That's so true. I'd never thought if it that way. Thanks.

Maybe the OP should borrow her daughters clothes and walk into daughters room and say I'm going out with you to grans looking like this is that ok and watch the look of horror on the daughters face at her mum with her arse and boobs hanging out of what is basically no clothing at all. Bet daughter is horrified at the thought of being with her! That maybe help her to see that not everyone views "fashion" the same way!

For those saying children should wear whatever they want, why would anyone want to sexualise a child? They should all be covered up appropriately until they are of age. They are not women so to speak they are kids. They should be playing not trying to look sexy.

I'm really surprised people think standards, decency and appropriate dress doesn't exist.

Should we all be allowed to walk around in our underwear?

When my dc were teens I told them if clothes were inappropriate for the occasion, we had red lines basically eg I don't want to see your midriff unless on the beach or working out etc - they have grown up knowing how to dress for different situations and yes with older people you dress more conservatively than a club night with friends. At 14 they are still a child so it's a hard no to excessive cleavage or skirts too short

The dd isn't walking around in her underwear though is she?