Prom - he’s upset he’s going to miss it!

[RochfordRuby]

Help! We’ve booked a holiday for next Summer and just found out the yr 11 school prom is when we’re away. Son is so upset he’s going to miss it. Inconsolable. Can’t move the holiday as it’s all booked but don’t know what to say to try and appease him. Advice please

But in one scenario the upset person is your 16 year old DS who will never get his prom back.

In the other scenario the upset person is a grown-up who will (should) get over it pretty quickly.

Prom is a huge issue for Year 11s. Don't make him miss it. One of you should stay home or else let him stay with family/friends - but that option is only if he is up for that - otherwise one of you should stay with him.

He's your son for goodness sake.

Yep like 99% of people have already said - he can't miss his prom!

Its the big reward for finishing GCSEs and a chance celebrate wiht your year group one last time and a chance to say goodbye to those moving to other schools.

My DD missed hers due to COVID but other than the wasted money for her dress she wasn’t bothered.
She hated the sixth form prom and phoned us to collect her early. So not everyone loves them.
But if he wants to go, hopefully a friend or family member he can stay with. I wouldn’t be able to change my annual leave now, nobody and I mean nobody would want to swap.

My son wasn't really bothered with prom last summer, so it wouldn't have mattered to him either way--HOWEVER there's were numerous 6th form taster/transition days on or around prom week that are crucial, imo. Those dates aren't really firmed until offers come out in early Spring.

If he's 16 I think it needs to be up to him if he comes on the holiday.

He might prefer to stay home and go to his prom.

People acting like proms are some ghastly American tradition that are only just infiltrating our shores need a reality check- I'm almost 40 and I went to a year 11 prom. It's not new.

I think he has to stay home for the prom

oh come on @ExquisiteIyDecorated none of that usurps a prom for a 16 year old.
The one night, his entire year group, 150+ of his mates go out and celebrate the end of their GCSEs. it's a huge deal

I shouldn't think he would have any interest in any holiday, let alone a 5oth anniversary, compared to his Prom. It's such a rite of passage.

He will never forgive you if he misses it. Yes, someone will be upset - but don't let it be him paying the price - and for your mistake, too.

The thing I struggle to understand is how these things seem to catch people out. if you belong to the ptfa or know other parents at the school, then you know that every year there is a prom. you also know roughly what date it is because lets be honest schools are creatures of habit and do the same things at the same time every year. So how can you not have at any point when planning this holiday stopped and thought "hmm I wonder if there is anything that anyone in the family might miss during this time" If they were younger and it was christmas time you might have been thinkingg "hmm nativity play, carol concert" etc. and with a year 11 surely you knew that the school has a prom and this would be his turn this year?

It is a right of passage. Its all they will talk about in the weeks leading up to it and all that they will talk about over the summer. he needs to stay at home and go to the prom and fly out to join you afterwards. ask another parent or friend to help this happen.

please dont let him miss it.

Are you with his dad? If so, one of you could stay home for prom or fly back early for prom . You need to work something out. And you need to check that you’re not leaving before the absolute final end of GCSEs, including the contingency day.

Find a way to get him to his prom.

It’s such an important event for year 11, (often something they’ve discussed/ looked forward to since year 7) much more so than year 13. It’s the last time they are all together and I know it was quite an emotional event at dd’s school- for both pupils and the teachers. The year 13 prom is very different as it’s only those that have chosen to stay on. Then there’s ‘ after prom’ which the students themselves often organise , it’s a rite of passage.
I appreciate it is another Americanism but now every school seems to have one.

I would look to see if he can stay with a trusted friend until prom and change his flight.

The prom was a huge deal at my sons school.

Were you not aware that prom was a thing when you booked the holiday?

This is a massively important event for 16 year olds these days, literally once in a life time.

You need to find a way for him to go, either he stays home alone, or a parent stays home with him, or is there a friend or family who'd be willing to put him up for a week or two?

I don't think that's necessarily the case. DC2 is in Y11 and I honestly have no idea if there will be a Y11 prom or if there was one the previous year. There's nothing about one having taken place on the school website, Twitter or in newsletters. There's nothing on the school calendar either. DC1 attended the same school and there was no prom for Y11 or Y13. The first was supposedly because of covid but most other local schools managed something. The Y13 one just didn't happen.

I am aware of contingency dates and sixth form transition sessions because DH and I are both teachers. DC2's school hasn't mentioned either.

@RochfordRuby I am hoping you are going to come back and say you've sorted something, however, if you haven't, this is where the MN hive mind can help. All we need is

Date of prom
Date of holiday and destination (airport code useful)
UK Airports you can fly from - not necessarily your closest.

Another one who says does he really have to go?
If all his family are going and you don’t want to leave him at home alone (don’t, you will end up hosting the prom after party in your absence) could he stay with a friend?
If you’ve already paid and booked; I would sound out some friends parents and tell him you will look to try and sort it out for him. Don’t cancel his place on the holiday but validate how he feels. It may be that nearer the time he doesn’t want go to prom etc and then he can come with you; or he can stay with a friend but currently you are saying the 50th anniversary is more important than prom and it certainly won’t be to him.

Let him stay at home or with family who aren’t going on this holiday. I understand that either way someone will be upset but I’d rather a grown up 50 year old adult be upset than my 16 year old son.

Just my opinion - the prom is his life, and the 50th wedding anniversary is someone else's life. On this basis, I think your son should go to the prom. It's a milestone in HIS life. the wedding anniversary is also a milestone - but not his.

Let him stay home, you fucked up don't let him pay the price for that.

Won't there be another prom after Year 13? Does he need two proms?

As said upthread - this is the big one.
The yr13 will probably involve different people.

So he misses the holiday then. Or he joins it late. But he won’t have fun on holiday and will probably ruin it for everyone else.

My vote would be he flies out to join you the day after prom. (Unless you come home that day!)

While I can understand why people are finding this situation a bit iriritating in that a parent booked a holiday without checking that there would be no important dates being missed, I am amazed at the unpleasantness directed at the poor parent who got it wrong. Ok, she should have known better, should have checked etc. but why is everyone being so nasty? I imagine she feels even worse now.
I thought one of the things required on this website was that we be nice to people. It would have been better if more of the people who responded on here had taken note of that.