DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

[BluntSheep]

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

Ok well I’m not going to keep arguing with people who clearly want to handle things that way; but really what I am getting at is often choosing that way of “ not being ridden over” doesn’t actually achieve the desired outcome or resolve whatever it is they were wanting to stand up over.

It just presents as a failure to cope.

Im all for women being able to stand up for themselves. I’m just giving a perspective - from experience - of how we might model that for young women to be more effective in doing so.

I thought your suggestions were good. Very diplomatic.

The OPs daughter is 15.

I couldn't do this. I would shut down as I couldn't cope with it.

I have significant anxiety issues which are on my medical records. And repeatedly are ignored.

I won't go without someone else who will challenge because I don't feel able to.

My point being that yes, for some people, particularly the most vulnerable of patients no they literally can't respond in that way. And doctor more than anyone should be mindful of this.

We shouldnt make excuses and victim blame for unprofessional conduct. It shouldn't be for patients to push back like this.

Hmm maybe the failure to cope exists for y'know, a medical reason.

And it might be.

But when it’s an adopted style intended to achieve results ( not saying it was entirely for op’s DD) I’m just suggesting it isn’t necessarily a good one.

I do find it unbelievable the amount of people who are assuming that the GP acted in bad faith (gaslighting seems to come up a lot). What do you think her motivation was?

None or us know what went on in the surgery, but maybe the GP suggested a pregnancy test because the OP’s daughter told the GP something to make her think that there was a chance of pregnancy (even a small one). Maybe not sexually active as defined by the patient wasn’t the same as defined by a doctor.

The doctor has 5 minutes to do her best (sadly, I know no doctor would choose 5 minutes) and they have to eliminate common things before they look for rare ones.

It is interesting how many times then OP’s story has changed from her first post, and how, despite now backing her daughter, she hasn’t asked the surgery for their version of events or put a formal complaint in (unless you have?).

We have all had bad experiences with medical practitioners and I have put a measured formal complaint in regarding the treatment of one of my children, but I would never condone them telling a GP that they were bad at their job or storming out.

Would you be happy if she did that with a teacher?

Do you think I don't know this

I find it really patronising to turn around and be so dismissive of those saying 'well actually I couldn't be that assertive' given we know how much women struggle with this.

It is victim blaming but crack on berating.

So you don't believe the government level reports highlighting the issues with women not being listened to by doctors?

And everyone on this thread is a liar just over exaggerating.

The difference between a doctor and a teacher is a doctor is a gatekeeper to life and death in some cases.

Actually it seems to me that the real problem is the OP’s self-consciousness.

Updates suggest that the interaction with the original Doctor was nowhere near as dramatic as she at first described , and her concern was that everyone was staring at HER — not at her daughter whom, logically, people would be more likely to be staring at, if staring were warranted.

Then she had another conversation with her daughter, and her primary feeling about it was embarrassment that people overheard it.

Maybe ‘borderline rude’ is what the rest of us would just call expressing their feelings and having an opinion.

No one knows if the doctor acted in bad faith or not. What I belive is that the doctor, as the trained adult could have found better ways to handle it than continually harping on which is what she seems to have done. As clinicians we are taught that if an question is contentious, then you don't bang on about it. You pursue other avenues, investigate other options. its of the utmost imporatance to validate the patient's statements and opinions and make them feel listened to. Asking the same or similar questions several times in succession is not that. My friend who had the ovarian cyst wasn't believed either.

And GP’s are allowed to remove openly aggressive patients from their lists.

Tingling in the breasts is sometimes indicative of hormonal changes or early pregnancy. I’m gobsmacked at some of these answers to be honest. On the other end of the scale if GP’s didn’t ask these questions to rule out certain conditions and didn’t pick up on something as a result, how many people would be hot footing it to a lawyer ? We are not doctors. That’s why we have doctors. Dr Google is responsible for a lot of patient arguments with doctors when they don’t support what the patient has self diagnosed.

The answer isn’t to be bloody rude either.

At 15 if you don't feel that you are being listened to or believed and you are anxious, its understandable thoughj?

The question about orgasm was valid as well. Scientists believe that orgasms and pain are linked because they share pathways in the brain. This means having an orgasm might reduce pain, including period pain and also for other forms of chronic pain. It’s thought that sexual arousal in women isn’t enough to relieve pain but genital stimulation and orgasm, in many cases, is. Your body releases “feel-good hormones” during arousal and orgasms, including endorphins and oxytocin, that have pain-relieving effects.

its not what you ask, its how you ask.

I agree, but we are all human and some doctors are less than tactful. It’s a fact of life. GPs are leaving the NHS in droves. Reading some of the comments here, it’s not hard to see why.

An experienced GP will know whether there is doubt if someone is giving a truthful answer. And that’s why they will maybe probe a bit more, possibly reframing the questions slightly differently. The alternative is a possible misdiagnosis, so GP’s can’ win either way can they ? Damned if they do, damned if they don’t.

She can learn to challenge respectfully with time. She will learn how push back on the doctor, how to recognize a lost cause, and when she should speak to the office manager. She will also learn that if the doctor is either incompetent or discriminatory, the doctor is probably backed by an office manager with similar traits.

@godmum56 ,

The problem is none of us were in the room.

We only have the mother’s second hand account of what was said as reported by her daughter.

I suspect the doctor would have a different version based on what the OP’s daughter actually told her and her body language. Maybe the 15 year old isn’t being entirely straight with her mother about her level of sexual activity (this has actually been known to happen!). It would be extremely strange for a doctor to suggest a pregnancy test if the daughter had said that she had had no form of intimacy whatsoever in the last 9 months whatsoever. And missing a teen pregnancy (however unlikely) would have huge consequences for all concerned.

Where I have the issue is why people choose to believe the second hand version of a 15 year old girl over the practice of an adult female professional. I am not saying that it is impossible that the doctor didn’t listen and harangued her, but the odds are very slanted in favour of the doctor.

It is also interesting that the girl wanted to see the doctor alone and then suggested to her mother that she wanted her mum to go while she saw another doctor (she wanted to make her own way home).

If the doctor was genuinely unprofessional, the mother can help her daughter complain to the practice manager and pursue the complaint, which would be a good lesson in how to get a desired outcome without being rude.

A teenager who is a virgin, gets asked again and again if they're having sex, when they want to know why they're being woken up in the night with awful cramps in the legs and hips, and has been for years.
Thats not indicative of pregnancy. The GP most likely had a target set by the trust to get a certain % of teens of the pill.

It was not appropriate questioning for me, and the result of which led to harm.

obviously. Which is why I didn’t write that OP‘s DD should have been offensive.

And let‘s remember that she (the vulnerable 15yo) was not abusive to the adult professional (who was in a fairly secure position).

It is abusive for a fifteen-year-old to say to an adult professional, publicly, "You're really not good at your job".

That’s really not abusive and massively minimises what abuse is

Verbal abuse is common though - enough notice up around doctors surgeries and in hospitals stating that verbal abuse won’t be tolerated.