DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

[BluntSheep]

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

Yes, most people are not in fact stupid and do actually want help so they are motivated to tell the doctors things they need to know.

I have had a nurse say “I’m sorry, I know you can’t possibly be pregnant but I have to get you to test because it’s hospital policy due to some people lying”- fair enough, I did the test.

Annoying, but a damn sight less annoying than “you might be mistaken”, or “you can get pregnant from other stuff than sex” or whatever other nonsense.

So the GP was rude and the GP infered she must be lying.

I don't blame your daughter. The GP was unprofessional and has undermined the trust that your daughter has in daughters.

I've had issues with trust with doctors in the past. It has had a significant impact on me in various ways.

The fact that you are not on your daughters side here, is not ok.

You weren't there to advocate for her. I couldn't have dealt with this as an adult. I'd have found it distressing.

@BluntSheep - according to Charlie Taylor, the author of Divas and Doorslammers, the teenage brain is actually rewiring during adolescence - real change is taking place - and this can explain why teenagers lose certain abilities - impulse control, temper control, self control, the ability to see they aren't always the centre of the Universe, sense of proportion etc.

He describes this as akin to a form of temporary brain damage - but the key word there is temporary. He says that, once the changes have all happened, and the brain has settled down again, most, if not all of these abilities will return.

I saw this most markedly in ds3 - like your dd, he was a sweet child, with a lovely nature, but adolescence turned him into a taciturn grump, with a hair trigger temper - we had some MAJOR blow ups from him during the teenage years.

But he came out of it - all of a sudden, within the space of a week, he did his homework without being reminded, tidied his room, and gave me an unsolicited hug - I nearly fainted! He's now in his late 20s, and whilst he remained fairly taciturn, he is much more sociable now, and you can have an enjoyable conversation with him, his impulse and temper control are much, much better, and he is a joy to have around.

When we were going through the worst of it, I moaned to my mum on the phone, and she told me I'd been lucky with the older two boys, so I deserved ds3's behaviour - thanks a lot, Mum!

Grit your teeth - this too shall pass.

I can understand her anger about being repeatedly questioned on sexual history if she had already answered that she wasn't sexual active and was telling the truth. That is really patronising on the doctor's behalf ablnd proof that they aren't really listening. It is annoying and distressing when the doctor's pick a route to go down and you know fine well that it can't possibly be the right one. Having it implied that she was a liar and having underage sex would have been embarrassing and she was probably worried about the doc talking to you. Obviously you dad's reaction isn't the right way to go about this but she hasn't got the life skills to deal with it any other way yet.

If she was lying about being sexually active then that is another kettle of fish.

And similarly patients who are paying for a service can chose the clinician they want to see. Someone who listens to their concerns rather than dismissing them.
A 5 minute appointment is not long enough to take a full history and perform a proper clinical exam.

Yeah me too because going through the rigmarole to secure a telephone appointment (often with a nurse practitioner when a GP is required and requested) so that that don’t even need to fob you off to your face any more is simply not worth the hassle any more.

But from your response I suppose it’s absolutely fine that the service is substandard it’s just that we’re not allowed to actually say it? Is that it? Lest we offend?

I think you shouldn't want your dd to grow out of how she is as she sounds as though she is well able to stand up for herself. As she gets older she will maybe be better able to tone down her responses to get the same effect. Dd1 was much like your dd at 15 now double her age she is still nobody's fool and asserts herself calmly and coolly with colleagues, bosses, friends, family and health professionals when needed. It's a useful skill to have if you ask me.

Honestly due to my current and ongoing experience with inept GPs simply refusing to get involved and expecting my husband to just live with a serious symptom the whole lot of you can get stuffed with your offence.

This is bollocks. What will getting tough achieve?

She doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a scenario that a lot of adults struggle to cope with. Reading her the riot act won't help her learn how to deal with these situations, nor will you staring blankly and being wet about it.

Talk to her. Ask her what she felt wasn't going well and why. What could she get across to the doctor? Tell her she can try again with a different one and you'll both come up with a plan to make this time better. She could have a list of issues she wants to address. She is still a child and you can advocate for her if she needs and wants you to.

That's how you step up. Not by being cross and making both of you angry and upset.

I did speak with her she just said she just wanted to get out of there as was repeatedly asked the same question and then a pregnancy test was suggested after she had already answered the relevant question 4 times. The more she explained to me what happened the more I understand her frustration and why she had enough. At first she didn't go into detail and just said in a huff and puff "she's repeating herself constantly"

She was already seen by a differant doctor on the same day.

I think if your 15 year old would prefer to have you go in with her then you should. Adults often choose to take in support in the form of another adult to doctors appointments.

I also think you should believe her. Help her to make an appointment to see a different doctor.

In a couple of days time when the emotion has cooled you can discuss different options for dealing with doctors when you feel they are not listening or asking inappropriate questions.

I think the whole UK population hopes they don’t need a GP anytime soon….

I am a retired clinician and have experienced shocking comments from doctors about patients and what they should do, both directly to the patient and behind their backs. I used to be involved in planning and facilitating discharge from hospital and have been asked by doctors "How could you let her go home? Why didn't you make her go into a nursing home?" This was about a lady with all her facilities who wanted to go home, whose family wanted her home, who would be safe and mostly independent at home with minimal equipment. I have seen patient views and wishes dismissed and decisions made behind the patiernt's back with no consideration of what would be possible or desireable from the patient's point of view. I agree its not all doctors who are like this but its shocking when you personally come across so many who are. I say this both as a clinician and the advocate for my late husband when he was seriously ill. I have met some lovely empathetic people and some real dickheads. And no the problem wasn't me and it wasn't because the doctor disagreed with Google. I am glad you have had good and appropriate service but your experience is by no means universal.

I know someone else who had a similar experience quite a few years ago now. She was asked was she sexually active and answered no....then she was asked could she be pregnant and answered no....then she was asked to take a pregnancy test!! Her problem turned out to be an ovarian cyst which burst while she was at choir practice. If anyine watches the daytime drama "Doctors" there was an episode about this recently broadcast on september 19th

Please make sure you apologise to her.

Also please reflect on the state of your relationship generally in terms of why you didn't believe her when she came out upset. You assumed the worst of her.

Given that she didn't swear and wasn't shouting, I don't know what others expect of a 15 year old repeatedly being told they are lying over a sensitive health issue.

It is distressing and frightening to be treated in this way by someone in a position of power.

Yeah that would be frustrating and quite embarrassing. I went on the pill at 14 for a horrendous periods as nothing else helped, and doctors often assumed I must have been sexually active when I wasn't. My mum ended up attending all appointments with me, and to be honest, depending on what I'm going for, sometimes I still take someone with me, because sometimes it's easier to question what's being said when it's not about you, and you know sometimes we can get hyper focused on one detail when having to discuss an issue.

I would definitely suggest you go to an appointment with her and see if you can ask for someone different.

I have apologised

Are you that same person who kept posting different threads about teenage girls having conflicts with doctors a few weeks ago? Usually about doctors asking 'embarrassing' or 'irrelevant' questions about things like sexual history or toilet habits? 👀

Good. Reassure her it's not her fault and not all doctors are like this. I hope the other one she saw was much more sympathetic.

The second doctor she saw was a male as that was the only other doctor at the practise. To be honest it kind of caused another mini argument at the practise as I suggested a female doctor would be more appropriate however my daughter said she not wasting the journey coming all the way here and not getting seen and suggested I go home and she will find her own way back. Caused another dose of embarrassment for me as everyone in waiting room witnessing our conversation

I do sympathise with all these people explaining they have had distressing interactions with medical professionals.

I think the fact that that happens is not in dispute. Whether or not the professionals were acting reasonably or not is probably for another thread.

But essentially what this thread comes down to is how to handle that. I do understand that people can feel intimidated etc; but is saying: “I’m sorry when you keep asking the same question, it’s making me feel uncomfortable, as if you don’t believe me from when I said it the first time” really so much harder to say than “ I’m getting out of here because you are useless at your job.”? Truthfully, I’d find the former as easy or easier to say, and it’s a lot more productive. And the former is assertive whereas the latter is rude. People constantly conflate the two.

Not having an outburst doesn’t need to mean taking things lying down. I think that’s what is getting a bit lost in some of the “ I don’t blame her” responses.

Well sure but she’s 15 and we don’t always get these things right.

Indeed. And I think we all agree with that.

But some posters are going further and commending it as somehow ideal and necessary, or lamenting “I wish I’d had the ovaries to do that” etc.

And I think the bigger point is it isn’t always 15 year olds who behave like that.

Unfortunately, it is essential to be able to stand up for yourself in life. Yes, there are ways and ways of doing it. But as a woman, it is crucial to not let people ride roughshod over you.