DD is becoming a nightmare made a right scene at doctors today

[BluntSheep]

DD 15.Its like my once sweet little girl has just changed overnight and had a complete personality transplant.

She has started to become a very impatient, opinionated and borderline rude individual.

Was at doctors today as she was experiencing some sensitive issues and she made a right scene in the place because apparently the Doc kept asking irrelevant questions and was implying that she "didn't believe her" to certain questions and was repeating them. She stormed out said your really not good at your job and demanded another doctor. I was so embarrassed I just froze everyone was staring at me.

I don't know what to do will she grow out of this is it just a phase or do I need to take action and get real tough with her.

It is but that doesn’t mean that saying someone is bad at their job is abuse. It’s not.

THIS.

Believe her.

Even now at 40 in the last year I've had a women's health GP (a woman herself aged around 50) totally dismiss my concerns about some pretty scary perimenopause symptoms, and a male GP grip my wrist including leaving fingernail impressions because he wanted to pause between coming to the waiting area to collect me and getting back to his room. (Not the same I know but) I've also had vets dismiss my concerns and talk to my elderly mum who I'd taken along for the ride even after my mum had said "ask my daughter, its her dog" (dog was in such pain it was useful to have somebody to hold her on their lap in the car while I drove). Not being taken seriously by medical professionals is infuriating and too common for women. FFS believe her, and support her in going back to see a different GP.

Reading this it sounds as though you dislike conflict and view any form of disagreement very negatively.

To me it sounds like the made a perfectly reasonable point and I can’t understand why this would be “embarrassing”.

One of the meanings of abuse is "offensive and insulting language". Of course it can also take much more serious forms.

@Prescottdanni123 theres a fucking massive leap between “big grins on our faces” and being abusive 🙄. That can’t be hard to grasp surely?

I told my daughter her hair looked like she had been dragged through a bush today. She was definitely insulted. Maybe even offended.

That doesn’t mean it was abuse.

OPs daughter saying someone is bad at their job isn’t abuse. If she had yelled it, maybe. Added in colourful descriptors or expletives, sure.

Please do not use dictionary definitions to minimise what abuse is.

I’m afraid I think you are being ridiculous. The dictionary definition is what it is. You don’t seem to understand that there can be different levels of abuse. A mother telling her daughter that her hair is messy is not abuse. In my opinion a fifteen-year-old telling a doctor, in front of others, that she's not very good at her job, is. We will just have to disagree on this.

You don’t seem to grasp that calling insulting language (and is it even insulting when it’s accurate?) abusive is terribly minimising and disrespectful to those who have experienced abuse.

This teenager did not abuse this doctor and to suggest she did is ridiculous

Are you saying that it would be better if she was 35 instead of 15?

I think the point was that experience could turn it into an informed comment that goes beyond what someone who must have visited a go a relatively limited number of times is really in a position to provide.

I dunno. I only met the doctor once who googled my finger and toe bruising and told me it was chilblains when it was actually Achenbach's sydrome but it only took one visit to decide he wasn't good at his job. Shortly afterwards he was asked to leave the practice.

I really meant at 15 you haven’t met any of many gps full stop. I wasn’t necessarily meaning the same one.

But that sounds painful!

@BananaNirvana

You have only taken part of my comment and quoted it completely out of context. Throughout this thread I have repeatedly stated that giving doctors abuse is not acceptable. However, I do believe that we should stand up for ourselves if we are getting inadequate care. Not just sit there and accept poor treatment like a good little patient because doctors are very clever and important like the person I was replying to suggested.

Not sure if I'm getting the story right; she didn't raise her voice but stormed into the waiting room, declaiming to one and all she needed to be seen by another Doctor and basically saying they were crap at their job? I understand your embarrassment but address your concerns to her re absolute appalling behaviour and possible underlying panic. Too paraphrase, 'methinks the lady does protest too much'.

Agree. The mature grown up response is thank you for your time, head out and ask the receptionist to see someone else and make a new appointment. Nit throw a hissy fit, insult someone and storm out. If she behaves that way with a boss in a few years time she is in for the high jump.

She isn't a mature grown up person, shes 15. Of course there's a way to handle things and some young teens are better than others at handling. Less confident people tend to not say anything, or they're too scared to question those perceived to be in authority.
Better to talk to young teens and find out what the problem is and help them find ways to solve it in the right manner.

Don't know why the quote didn't work.
It looks like I've written the top part but it's supposed to quote from another poster

And you don’t seem to grasp that verbal abuse exists. There are notices up everywhere in surgeries and hospitals advising that physical and verbal abuse will not be tolerated. It’s not minimising anything.

Yes, because then she would have enough experience to know whether that GP actually wasn’t good at their job instead of basing it on one visit where she hasn’t the maturity to understand why the doctor was asking those questions, or the patience to stay and find out.

I’ve been a doctor since 1988 and a GP since 1992. I have nine more working days to go before I retire and I frankly can’t wait. I’m only 59 but I’ve had enough. I’ll be doing no more doctoring at all, ever.

So much now about hurt feelings, not feeling heard, not wanting any suggestions other than those that agree with preconceived ideas, threats of complaints to high levels, being slagged off in social media, all adding to the daily attrition from increasing paperwork etc etc.

Of course, being one of those useless, crap, lazy GPs it will be a good thing, don’t you think?

Well said. Never mind the whataboutery on this thread, very many of us are grateful to you and your colleagues PussGirl.

🌻happy retirement.

And how would anyone without medical qualifications, regardless of age, know if the doctor's questions were pertinent or not anyway.

Yes. And while plenty are quick to take umbrage at having to “defer” to people “just because” they have the title Dr etc, there are still some of us who recognise the effort that goes into acquiring qualifications to help others.

So because you are days away from retirement you think it's ok to say that, despite the huge number of cases demonstrating that patient care is being affected by doctors not listening, we should suck this up and be grateful because otherwise everyone will quit like you?

Slow hand clap.

Of course this will solve the problems here.

Maybe looking at the unprofessional conduct and widespread arrogance of many (but not all) doctors would help.

One of my friends in my 20s used to talk about poor people, stupid people and people with mental health problems with a level of contempt that I never liked (and I did challenge him on). He wanted to become a doctor. Why? Because it paid well and he wanted to maintain his lifestyle.

He became a GP in the end. Last I heard from him he was working in Trafford and had picked a particularly affluent area.

His attitude bothered me then and I pity patients he has now who didn't fit in with his standards. He was absolutely the wrong type of person to become a doctor. He had zero empathy and was an insufferable snob. This ultimately led to the demise of our friendship. He could be a bully and a massive prick to anyone he deemed not worthy of his respect.

The worse thing about this is having known and been friends with a number of doctors this isn't untypical. These friends have actively struggled with colleagues and the culture of their workplace because there are so many of them who have attitude problems and a lack of compassion for patients, particularly those with less affluent backgrounds. It doesn't help that the training system and even applying to do medicine at uni favours kids who have doctors already in the family because of inside knowledge and nepotism. Those who fall outside this may instead have to work their arses off more and unfortunately I think this means some of them have less sympathy for those members of the public they seem to be 'not helping themselves' in someway.

It's a group lacking in their own life experience in terms of vulnerabilities and barriers and they represent the height of privilege. Yes there are many exceptions to this, but as a rule I do think it's a very unrepresentative group in terms of life experience. What they see whilst working is very difficult to their personal life experience and this disconnect is a problem. They are worlds apart and ultimately they think they know better and look down on 'the general public'. Even the framing of this is othering...

You mean we should put on a pedestal and overlook ability to empathise and a lack of broader lived experience and instead just behave like good little children being patted on the head because doctors have somehow earned the right to patronise and not listen?

Good stuff.