What age do you allow teens to go to bars in town on a night out?

[marshmalloo]

My DD is 17 in January.

This year she has been to a couple of festivals, several house parties and when on holiday with us in the summer been allowed to have some cocktails etc.

I allow her to take a set amount of alcohol to a house party in an attempt to avoid her getting her hands on whatever else is going - this tactic seems to work well as so far, she hasn't come home steaming or sick or anything.

Since starting college she has started wanting to go to bars in town at the weekend - she has a first date last week and went to a bar with him and they had a few drinks, again, home on time not seemingly "drunk"

I feel like the floodgates are open now and not sure if it's ok?

Also aware if I forbid her to go she may start sneaking around and lying.

She went to a house party last night but on checking her location she was actually in town.

I need to have a conversation with her and set boundaries for going in town but a bit stumped about what is appropriate?

I was up to allsorts by her age and didn't have any open communication with my mum about any of this stuff.

She is youngest of 3 - DD, now 24 is autistic and at this age was very anxious and rarely if ever sociakised, DS now 21 didn't drink alcohol at this age at all due to competitive sport and wanting to succeed in this so it's a new dilemma.

She’s left school now, and on your own admission you’ve supplied alcohol to her yourself, so I’d let it go and just make sure she knows her limits and is safe. She sounds like a sensible girl. Like you say, if you try and limit her now she will just push back.

She is 17 and bars these days are very on it re ID

she’s only just turned 17 if just started college?

She’s not 17 yet

wait

She is 16!!!

FFS OP. Parent up

She’s 16
Her first date was in a bar

seriously Op?

How is she getting served?

No way at 16

I was certainly going to bars at 17 and you get bit I'm surprised these days that she's getting served. Given you've allowed it on holiday it's quite hard to pull back now though. As you say it's highly likely she'll go anyway and it's important to communicate. We had one friend forbidden to go, she was actually the oldest out of us too. She'd end up getting wasted as she would be paranoid about getting caught and her fun ended

I was allowed to go out at that age and honestly I wish I had more boundaries. I think she's a bit young and needs to give it another year but if her peers are doing it you will have a battle on your hands. Can you talk to any of her friends parents and tackle it together as a united front? I have no idea what this would look like but you need to do something but in a way not to make her choose you or her friends.

What is appropriate? Certainly not going to bars in town at 16. My boundary would be house parties where it is more likely to be exclusively with people her own age and predominantly people she is familiar with.

16 is a bit young. Mine were 17, they all had fake ID.

clearly the guy she was on her first date with

awful

Looks like you’ve done it all about a year too early. I wouldn’t be relaxing off on anything at this age and not regarding bars. They’ll be IDing her anyway.

If finished school and less than 6 months to 18. But no I would not enable my 16 year old. But then my children will be school until 18. 16 seems awful young these days.

When you say college is it A levels and is in fact upper secondary?

At 16, no. As others have said this feels a year too early.
House parties means she us spending the evening with peers, bars in town means much older men. I too don't understand how she is getting served, can only assume the date is over 18 which again I would be discouraging.

Gathering in friends houses seems to be fairly normal for 16.
The bars and pubs have to be really hot on id- they would lose their licence if they got caught serving underaged people

With fake or borrowed ID

more likely the guy who’s taken a 16 year old out on a first date to a bar

I would be very worried if i was the op

I started going to pubs at 16 (late 16) but they weren't so hot on ID back then (though I never bought myself while I was underage, as I definitely did not look 18, but would get someone else to buy for me). I wouldn't let DD at 16, even though it feels a bit hypocritical, but its a moot point anyway as the two bars in my town definitely will not serve anyone under age.

I can't understand the bit where you are giving her alcohol at 16 OP.

I got up to all sorts as a PP said upthread but not at 16. It was house parties and hanging around with them in parks and outside but not going to bars and clubs. It's all a bit too soon.

The genie is out of the bottle a bit here so I suggest you talk to her about her location and how she goes on but frame it that you see her as very trustworthy and sensible in the hope that she sees herself in the same light and behaves accordingly.

Count your blessings you've made it to nearly 17. I was in the pub from just before I was 14. In those days, some pubs were a bit lax about age I guess.

Just make sure you've raised a responsible young adult who knows never to leave a drink unattended.

They are SO strict about id now it’s not like in our day. Poor dd1 is a summer baby and it was a right pain as her friends all got to 18 and socialising switched from parties at home to clubs. It’s unlikely your Dd would get served anyway.

I get the feeling g you KNOW she's too young just by the way you've tried to round her up to 17 rather than the 16 yea old she actually is.

Get a bloody grip OP. Shes a child.

I would ask her how she’s going to afford it, a night out is pretty expensive these days!

I think it’s a bit young and I would stick to your guns. Of she does go I would want to know exactly where, who with, how she is getting home etc. guess a lot depends where you live and whether it’s a big city or a small local pub? At around the same age I was going out to pubs at weekends, we lived in a big student city and it was the nineties so it was pretty easy to get served.

My DD is the same age and I have done similar in allowing small amounts of alcohol at parties and family gatherings etc. She’s never mentioned going to bars though, tbh she couldn’t afford it!