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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Son stopping over at girlfriends

146 replies

Carol52 · 01/10/2024 20:34

Really really need advice. My son is nearly 18 his girlfriend is 17. They have been together for 2 years. I know they have had sex and he goes for tea on a Monday??. However her mum had texted she is going away and asked if my son could stop. I just don't feel comfortable letting him stop over I appreciate her texting me. But I feeling uncomfortable saying yes.
Any advice am I being completely stupid. One of my son's friends has just found out he is going to be a dad. My son and his girlfriend is hopefully sensible and we have talked before about things but my gut feeling is to say no

OP posts:

Marblesbackagain · 01/10/2024 20:37

Why are two adults trying to control two consenting adults?

ReleaseTheSausages · 01/10/2024 20:39

He’s nearly 18 😂😂😂
What on earth has it got to do with you?

StudioCreate · 01/10/2024 20:41

Why is her mum texting you? I'm sure your son can decide if he wants to stay or not.

Really odd that you are controlling his sex life

Hye000 · 01/10/2024 20:49

but 17 is not an adult though??

ReleaseTheSausages · 01/10/2024 20:51

Not a child though either.
Over the age of consent. None of anyone’s business.

Marblesbackagain · 01/10/2024 20:53

Hye000 · 01/10/2024 20:49

but 17 is not an adult though??

They are over the age of consent are you really considering controlling a legally independent individual not in effect an adult?

Because that person could be days weeks off an arbitrary day. This isn't a legal boundary, the legal boundary is consent at 16.

Mumof1andacat · 01/10/2024 20:57

He is 18 and could living away at uni. Gf is over the age of consent and her parents seem hapoy with him staying.I don't get the issue

NerrSnerr · 01/10/2024 20:59

You know they're already having sex (which is legal). Why is sleeping over an issue?

cigarettesNalcohol · 01/10/2024 21:01

So you think if you stop him from staying over they won't be able to have sex? Did it cross your mind they can have sex any time of the day ? Whether there's a sleepover involved or not ? He could be having sex with her every time he goes over for tea. Why the hang up about him staying over ? Makes zero sense

WorkCleanRepeat · 01/10/2024 21:03

I think you need to ignore your gut and cut the apron strings on this one.

Cosycover · 01/10/2024 21:04

This isn't your decision at all. It's his.

AgileGreenSeal · 01/10/2024 21:10

If they were staying over in your home you could veto it, if you aren’t comfortable.

As far as the young man staying over in her mother’s home goes you could only talk to your son if you aren’t happy about it.

Lulubellamozarella · 01/10/2024 21:10

The mum has asked if he can stop as I assume she will feel more comfortable leaving her 17 year old daughter home if she has her boyfriend staying with her. I honestly see absolutely no issue with this at all.

My DH and I have been away for weekends and left our DD alone when she was 17 and she had her boyfriend to stay for the same reason. To keep her company and so she wasn't in the house alone while we were away. They are having sex anyway so what does it matter whether he stays over or not? What has the fact his friend is about to become a dad got to do with anything? If your son and his girlfriend are having sex anyway all you need to do is reinforce they are being sensible. He can get her pregnant by having a quickie in the middle of the day.

They have been together for a while, they are over the age of consent and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him staying over with her to keep her company so she isn't home alone when her mum is away. I think you need to step back a bit. Your son is almost an adult.

Blusterydaytodaypoohbear · 01/10/2024 21:12

I left home at 17...be careful op..

Scutterbug · 01/10/2024 21:16

he us 18 so it is his choice. She is 17 and mum is happy for him to be there. So he goes imo.

StarSlinger · 01/10/2024 21:16

AgileGreenSeal · 01/10/2024 21:10

If they were staying over in your home you could veto it, if you aren’t comfortable.

As far as the young man staying over in her mother’s home goes you could only talk to your son if you aren’t happy about it.

Edited

What? It's not her home. It's the GFs home.

I'm not sure a nearly 18 year old has to ask if they can sleep over at his GFs. Or how you can stop him.

AgileGreenSeal · 01/10/2024 21:19

StarSlinger · 01/10/2024 21:16

What? It's not her home. It's the GFs home.

I'm not sure a nearly 18 year old has to ask if they can sleep over at his GFs. Or how you can stop him.

Show quote history

I didn’t say he has to ask his mum.
Or mention stopping him.

I said all the boy’s mum can do is talk to him about her concerns because it’s not her home.

suburberphobe · 01/10/2024 21:22

Really odd that you are controlling his sex life

Really odd that you think two 17-year-olds are mature enough to think of all possible outcomes from sex.

I'm right behind OP that she doesn't want her 17-year-old to become a dad just yet - see above post -

Hope she's on the pill OP. I was at 16. Best thing ever. Became a mum at 36 when I had all my shit together, house, career, money etc.

Branleuse · 01/10/2024 21:24

What's the problem

Marblesbackagain · 01/10/2024 21:25

suburberphobe · 01/10/2024 21:22

Really odd that you are controlling his sex life

Really odd that you think two 17-year-olds are mature enough to think of all possible outcomes from sex.

I'm right behind OP that she doesn't want her 17-year-old to become a dad just yet - see above post -

Hope she's on the pill OP. I was at 16. Best thing ever. Became a mum at 36 when I had all my shit together, house, career, money etc.

The law literally believes they are. HTHs

dixkybow · 01/10/2024 21:29

When I was 17 I loved it when my parents went away, my boyfriend got to sleep over the whole time and we played house. I think we enjoyed watching the TV with takeaway as much as the obvious opportunity to have sex. It felt so grown up, it did no harm, it was just a lot of fun.

StarSlinger · 01/10/2024 21:30

AgileGreenSeal · 01/10/2024 21:19

I didn’t say he has to ask his mum.
Or mention stopping him.

I said all the boy’s mum can do is talk to him about her concerns because it’s not her home.

Show quote history

You edited your original comment.

betterangels · 01/10/2024 21:32

I was out of the house at her age let alone his because of nonsense like this. Her parents seem fine with it, and he's very nearly a legal adult. You can have an opinion. But it's his decision.

FaceofSpades · 01/10/2024 21:34

suburberphobe · 01/10/2024 21:22

Really odd that you are controlling his sex life

Really odd that you think two 17-year-olds are mature enough to think of all possible outcomes from sex.

I'm right behind OP that she doesn't want her 17-year-old to become a dad just yet - see above post -

Hope she's on the pill OP. I was at 16. Best thing ever. Became a mum at 36 when I had all my shit together, house, career, money etc.

But surely you were on the pill at 16 to have sex at 16? If this young pair are using contraception as well, what’s the difference?

AgileGreenSeal · 01/10/2024 21:34

StarSlinger · 01/10/2024 21:30

You edited your original comment.

Show quote history

Yes, I did edit it because at first reading I thought OP was talking about her home.
which would be a totally different situation.

When I realised (within seconds) that it was the other way round I edited my comment to reflect the actual situation.

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