Son stopping over at girlfriends

[Carol52]

Really really need advice. My son is nearly 18 his girlfriend is 17. They have been together for 2 years. I know they have had sex and he goes for tea on a Monday??. However her mum had texted she is going away and asked if my son could stop. I just don't feel comfortable letting him stop over I appreciate her texting me. But I feeling uncomfortable saying yes.
Any advice am I being completely stupid. One of my son's friends has just found out he is going to be a dad. My son and his girlfriend is hopefully sensible and we have talked before about things but my gut feeling is to say no

It's all got a little silly now I originally asked for people's views and welcomed them now you are judging people's parental skills .having children that talk to you and know you gave their back is a good thing in life. As children get older yes they are more private I get that to but 2 parents having 1 yes 1 conversation about concerns and also being responsible is a good thing.
I am not worried about them going for walk on their own etc as someone put a silly comment on earlier. I don't care if you worked I. Child protection.not impressed if you think that as 16,17,18 year old teenagers can't benefit from bring able to chat up their parent . I would hope most people would agree that it is better to have a good relationship ship with you child partners parent lastly thank god she does take a interest

Silly comment

Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your son, think it's great to be open about things like this and not feel any shame. Also good idea to talk about contraception as remember being this age and you think it won't happen to you!

They are 17 not 30 so think it's important to give some guidance. I wouldn't worry about staying over though. Like others said they are already having sex so not really an issue.

Thank you sweet pea. I think most parents would it's not be noisy it's the next step of parenting your children and being there for them

Oh for God's sake, you know YABU 😂

What does yabu mean

Silly thread.

YABU = You are being unreasonable - paired with YANBU = you are not being unreasonable. Very commonly used on Mumsnet, especially in AIBU (Am I being unreasonable?) which to be fair, this is not.

"But he's 18 now" is inaccurate.

Whether he's 17 or 18 my opinion remains the same, I feel like you're completely missing the point

Totally got it

Just to say thanks for the positive and productive views. As human beings do not feel the need to be personnel or nasty . That says alot about you as a person not me.

Just to clarify this wasn't aimed at you it was aimed at the person who was quoted :)

I have to say I really disagree. Yes they are consenting, but they are also two young people with undeveloped brains, and who would need serious help from their parents if there was to be a pregnancy.

Reminding and repeating the messages about safe sex, consent, contraception and all is actually called “parenting”. Could it be that You are projecting here- perhaps still being resentful that your own parents did their job.

To be honest, 16 year olds are allowed to drink alcohol, I still give their parents a heads up if they are going to be served it in my house. That doesn’t mean they don’t get pissed out on the field, but it does mean they know the rules here.

When I was 17, I was pissed off with my family about something, and knacked off to my boyfriend's for a week. With the benefit of hindsight, I'm sure they called his mother, and probably the school to check I was going in. Of course I was, i had an Oxbridge offer and needed top grades. When I decided to go back, all my dad said was 'long time no see'. And we all cracked on as normal. Good parenting in my book, they never made a big deal of it to me. They're also still close friends with the mum over 25 years after we split up.

Stupid question time! I knew they could be served beer and wine in a restaurant with parents/adults present but is it legal to serve alcohol to under 18s in your own home? Especially to under 18s whom you don’t have parental responsibility for?

My parents gave us wine. I’ll give my kids wine/beer/cider with dinner. I just didn’t know it was actually allowed!

Eh nope projecting here, just a healthy understanding of what boundaries are. If you read my comments, I clearly said of course talk to your own children about consent, contraception, acceptance of potential pregnancies. Of countries have an open door on their side.

Information to your child yes of course. Disclosure of sexual activity and life to another adult when they are of age of consent, a hard no.

And my mother was very open while fully understanding my sex life as a consenting individual was my business alone.

Look to the medical professionals for guidance of what society considers appropriate boundaries- consenting competent individuals are entitled to privacy. Why would you imply a lower level to another person who isn't your child?

This woman in effect outed an individual as being sexual active, in what universe is that acceptable? What if that put that girl in danger? Would she have done it if it was a same sex relationship?

If not why not and pregnancy can't be the sole reason as she found condoms so contraception has been available.

And I certainly wouldn't be giving any 16 year old alcohol as it is medically not advised!

Hilarious where your boundaries are. Permit an activity that has researched based proven leads to younger people with severe life threatening liver conditions. But hey ho stamp all over a non related persons privacy...

The French don’t have that problem. And I wasn’t born in Britain, my country don’t have issues with alcohol or masses with liver issues and teens are given drinks.

And that's you. Research is on hundreds of thousands at this stage so your personal experience is null and void. Consider the 100 year old smokers. Because that's the ridiculousness of your argument.

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/information-about-alcohol/alcohol-and-the-law/the-law-on-alcohol-and-under-18s

You can legally give them alcohol over age 5 at home, though most people would think that's a little young. You can't buy alcohol on their behalf. From 14, they can have a drink with a meal in a licensed premises, as long as it's not spirits.

The research is pretty clear that teens given no alcohol AND teens given minimal alcohol have the same outcomes in regards to the risks of becoming a bing drinker or having liver problems. A glass of wine with the family over Sunday dinner does not a binge drinker make. But it does teach them limits, responsibility, social drinker rather than drinking alone etc.

Why would I put a law over medical peer researched information? That to me is pure nonsense. The research on early exposure has been dismissed by medical professionals for decades. Meanwhile you have a very lucrative alcohol sector able to advertise at sporting events including underage.

Eh no it doesn't that research was debunked nearly twenty years ago. And I am referring to independent medical research not some interesting funded by self regulated national bodies paid for by the sector.

https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ajp.157.5.745
Over 20 years old
https://academic.oup.com/alcalc/article/49/2/160/205895