Son stopping over at girlfriends

[Carol52]

Really really need advice. My son is nearly 18 his girlfriend is 17. They have been together for 2 years. I know they have had sex and he goes for tea on a Monday??. However her mum had texted she is going away and asked if my son could stop. I just don't feel comfortable letting him stop over I appreciate her texting me. But I feeling uncomfortable saying yes.
Any advice am I being completely stupid. One of my son's friends has just found out he is going to be a dad. My son and his girlfriend is hopefully sensible and we have talked before about things but my gut feeling is to say no

I know the law thanks @Marblesbackagain

Just not a great age to become parents at 17/18. Leaving school, get a job to support your family. May have been the norm in "olden days", but not now.

Or OP to become grandparent who will have to pick up the pieces.

OP, have you had the chat with her parents if she's on reliable contraception?
You must. Don't stick your head in the sand. STI's are another chat to have.

He’s nearly 18 and they’ve been together for 2 years, you know they sleep together. So what is the difference in him popping over for tea and a sh*g and him just staying over and coming back 12 hours later than usual?
I was with my husband at 16 and we went on our first holiday 7 months after we started dating and stayed for a week on our own in a holiday let in Cornwall. My parents were pretty controlling but this sounds another level.
I think you need to address the sex/fertility chat to let him know you need him to be safe, but you do seem quite overbearing considering they’ve been steadily dating since 15!

STI's are another chat to have.

(Worked in Aids prevention).

Cases of gonorrhoea immune to drugs now.

Multi-drug resistant gonorrhoea (who.int)

I bet they'd have such a lovely time together, not just sex but enjoying independence and feeling like a grown up couple as per say. You already know they have safe sex so it doesn't make a difference if they sleepover or not because they'll still find their way

Thank you for your replies wow I think I am definitely the minority. I was going to answer no . Now I feel there is something wrong with me and my parenting by doing so.

If you value your relationship with your son.
Instead of making the decision, ask him what he wants to do.
He's 18, they are having sex.
It's not your decision

But you know they have sex already? She isn't more likely to get pregnant whilst staying at her house than wherever they are having sex now?

If they have sex, she might get pregnant - irrelevant of how old they are and where her parents are! Just remind them about contraception and be glad that they are in a nice relationship that makes them both happy

People have sex - it's fun and nothing to be avoided or discouraged as long as everyone is over the age of consent and aware of how babies are made!

Why don't you want him to stay over?

Because they are both 17 so not adults?

I think you are right to be concerned, nothing wrong with your parenting

Honestly ?
MYOB

Yes to be honest I think you need a long think about why your reaction is to say no.

You know they are already having sex.

She isn't more likely to get pregnant if he stays over than if he doesn't so it's completely illogical.

If you're worried about his GF getting pregnant you buy him condoms and talk to him about using them properly. You don't just try and stop them having sex because that won't work.

Your DS is nearly 18 so legally an adult, he can sleep over where he wants really. If you try to control him too much you'll drive him away

Oh come on, be fair. It's most parent's worst nightmare that their child ends up as a teen mum or dad. From 14-21, it's not the best place to be...

I'm sure there was nothing wrong with your parenting when your son was younger, but he's 18 now, so he's old enough for you to take a step back and let him live his own life. A lot of 18 year olds do far far worse than go to their girlfriend's house for a sleepover. I'd be proud of your son and of your parenting if this is all he wants to do at 18. But it shouldn't be your choice, it's his choice as he is now an adult.

Can you explain why you want to say no? If they've been together 2 years and you know they're having sex, presumably they're using contraception? I'm not sure I understand what your objection is 🤷‍♀️

I don't think it's that dramatic. A lot of people really struggle with the idea of their kids becoming adults and sex seems to be the real sticking point.

Thanks again for your replies.
I don't agree with it I know you're right as I know they are having sex already. It's not about being in control or anything he knows about safe sex we have discussed before. I think k am in the minority and I need to try and be a bit more modern in my views.

He's not 18!
I think at 17 and in a stable relationship this sounds fine. But I'm never sure why people round up ages - especially with young people where it really matters.

Talk to him properly about safe sex, using his friend as an example... ask him, is she on the pill etc. Be open.
Don't stop.him staying over, that's just daft.

If you don’t agree to it he’ll just stay behind your back.

my mum never allowed my boyfriend(now husband) to stay over but when she went on holiday he stayed over with me most nights.

they are 18(nearly) adults , they are having sex already, what’s the problem?

Worst nightmare are you insane that would be quite far down my list of terrible things that can happen to a teenager

DS17 has had his GF17 stay over a few times. They've had a few weekends alone house sitting for her auntie too. I know they have sex. I've told him about being respectful in someones home. I've told him to be safe and to be sure they're putting their lives first before bringing kids into it, BUT, if there's any sign of an accidental pregnancy, to tell me immediately.
I don't mind what they get up to, so long as they're safe and enjoying being teens in love. My only concern has ever been that they take it at a mutual pace, respect eachother and come to me if they ever need to, no matter how cringe it might be at first for them.

Blunt but spot on

Thank you all. I have had a chat with my son and agreed he can stop had the safe sex chat again which he hates . Glad there are groups like this to get different views. I am a single parent with no family for support . So sometimes it's nice to see what other latent think

I don't think you can describe your parents as controlling if you went on holiday alone with your boyfriend at 16 !!