Son stopping over at girlfriends

[Carol52]

Really really need advice. My son is nearly 18 his girlfriend is 17. They have been together for 2 years. I know they have had sex and he goes for tea on a Monday??. However her mum had texted she is going away and asked if my son could stop. I just don't feel comfortable letting him stop over I appreciate her texting me. But I feeling uncomfortable saying yes.
Any advice am I being completely stupid. One of my son's friends has just found out he is going to be a dad. My son and his girlfriend is hopefully sensible and we have talked before about things but my gut feeling is to say no

I don't care what you would do. I was answering the question from another poster asking what the actual law was around alcohol in the home is legal for under 18s. What is legal does not make it advisable. Nor does it make it all about you.

It came up as a notification of being tagged hence my response!

Ah, it puts in all the quoted bits, nested - I thought it was just the last post. Didn't realise that. Sorry.

You have assumed you are the one who gets to not “out” someone as sexually active.
But, if as a parent I was hearing that you “don’t know or discuss whether my child uses contraception because that’s none of my business” then my child is going to be getting some very very strong messages about how that should be viewed, and they would not be is praise of you being cool, trusting, and adult-like. It would be much closer to oblivious, negligent and self-absorbed.

What on earth are you talking about? Why on earth would I be discussing anything about my child sex life with anyone that is my point.

I have clearly said I fully and enthusiastically encourage parents to have those important conversations with Their Own Child.

I have no idea why you are convoluting that into a fantastic piece of imaginative gymnastics!

Why on earth would I be discussing anything about my child sex life with anyone that is my point.

“Hey I came home from work to a grizzly sight involving your son, can you make sure that he knows about contraception.”

Well his sex life is his own business.

”Loud and clear, thanks for letting me know what type you are.” Click.

Don’t bother acting innocent or obtuse with me. You’ve already said enough.

What in earth is "Don’t bother acting innocent or obtuse with me. You’ve already said enough."

Meant to mean? @MoveToParis

Where are you OP? If UK, 16 is the age of consent.

I imagine your son’s GF’s mum would feel happier going away, knowing her daughter isn’t alone in the house. She clearly likes and trusts your son.
Sounds like they’re in a committed relationship, You know they have sex. If you somehow prevent him from staying (frankly, you can’t), they’ll just continue having sex wherever they currently do.
I’d rather they were in a comfy bed in a warm house.

A common thing on this thread seems to the the 'make sure he is using condoms/have the contraceptive chat' - who the hell has not spoken to their child about being the time they are 17? Like seriously? It seems to be all the horrified posters suggesting this are the same posters who are dead against their teens being sexually active. In the real world we talk to our teens about these things long before they hit 17, because we know that age group are often, quite normally for their age, and legally, sexually active.

If anyone hasn't discussed sexual relationships with their teen by the time they are 17 they are failing them in the biggest way.

Again it is not ousting it is responsible for latent and children to talk about these things

Reply sky white. I am in uk and to be honest my do. Respects me enough to not go against me. We talk and discuss I can. Change my mind but some values I would not my original post was about stopping over

Also not all 16,17 old children are having sex

That’s not really what people are discussing. In fact I think everyone is fully supportive of what you said.

What some people (including me) has expressed disagreement about are the boundaries when discussing these personal conversations with other people - in particular with the girlfriend’s mum.

Why is it wrong to have a good relationship with the other parent. Our children have great career choices and are sensible. They are aware we discussed these things previously . Only certain people on here have a problem. My original post was not about protection I have that covered and so does my son it was about moving the boundaries again about sleepovers do tdigress

They need belt and braces so the pill and condoms properly used.
That's the conversation you need to have.

OP A good relationship with the significant people in your son’s life is of course a good thing. Getting into details like the young woman’s contraception with her mum crosses a line (for both of you).

My dd is 19 and has been with her bf since they were both 16. I have a fab relationship with his mum and I love her to bits but I would not cross the line of talking about this stuff with her.

If your dc is old enough to be in a serious relationship, then they are old enough to be entitled to their privacy. Of course, parents should talk to their kids about stuff like contraception, sexual health and consent etc but those conversations should be private between you and your child imo. If they are lacking in maturity to the extent that you feel the need to talk to someone else about this stuff, then I would suggest that they're not yet ready for that kind of relationship.

I really don't know what kind of conversation I have had with the mum. It is amusing to see you imaginations run with you. You're picking up on something that I have not even wrote.

This is what we noticed.

Exactly people imagination 1 conversation

Glad you noticed that yes 1 conversation