My daughter's just had sex :(

[sapphire]

My DD and her b/f have just had sex ... she's not quite 14, he was 14 earlier this year..

They've been "going out" for about 6months now and his mum and I have been keeping a close eye on them as there have been various things said that made us worry that the relationship was more serious than we wished for. She spends a lot of time round at his house (as we have all sorts of other problems going on here and it's not a happy place) and his mum has been really careful - she allows them to go in his room to listen to music etc but the door has to stay open and she checks on them every 15 mins - and I do the same here.

yesterday she invited me and my DS over for dinner - after dinner he and her younger son went upstairs to play on the PS in his room and DD and b/f went up to HIS room ... we had coffee and a chat and then one of the younger boys came down to say that DD and b/f were kissing under the duvet - his mum went up to ask them to come down and be sociable and b/f did, DD didn't so I went up ..... and noticed an open condom packet on the floor. We talked to them as yes, they have actually done it.

Feel so disappointed in DD - we've talked lots lately and she kept reassuring me that they would be sensible - and ashamed and hurt and upset and confused. She's very mature for her age but still, she's only 13. And at least they took precautions but they are jsut kids.

Don't really know what to do. his mum and I spoke to both of them and said how disappointed we were and that though we won't stop them seeing each other from now on they stay with other people all the time. I'm sure that won't stop them if they really want to carry on but not sure what else to do.

Help!

I am pg mmj and it naturally led to discussion about it
he has read a book about how babies are made, also

lol F&Z

can I nab your son for my dd

and I want sophable ds for my other dd

is that ok

I don't know tbh mp
he says he wants a vulva and not a penis atm
I think you have had enough of that kind of shenanigans in your family to last a lifetime

heheh yes perhaps he should decide on that first...

this thread has opened my eyes. children having sex at thirteen . i'm only 24 and i see my friends emotionally suffer from bad sexual relationships all the time. how does someone ten years younger cope????

i had dd at twenty and it was very young. in your teens you are too emotionally immature to be a parent.

what happens when the thirteen year old child gets pregnant? how does their body cope? if i caught my dd having sex at thirteen i would be distraught.

what have we parents gotten ourselves into? . parenting is so difficult....It scares me to think how i'll handle the sex side of things.

Message withdrawn

I remember when DD was little and I was explaining sex to her - she said "How do you know when you are finished?"

You rude lady!

LW did you say 'when daddy pulls my nightie down'?

13 is too young

Agree with Soph although I would prefer my 13 year old dd to be playing rounders

It is a bit odd for teens to be that open though - to actually do it whilst you were downstairs then leave the empty packet on the floor for you to find...sounds like they wanted to be caught or something..

I think they were caught before they had chance to destroy the evidence, CWE.

My mum said "good heavens, at that age I was still galloping around the fields pretending to be a horse"

Oh the times, they are a-changing.

ah

yes I was just getting around to kissing a boy at this age

If it was me, and yes this was threatened but only happened at 16, I would keep saying IT IS ILLEGAL!!.

It is against British law to have full sexual intercourse under 16 years of age. Add you (the child) will be breaking the law, you will get into serious trouble. I (the parent) will get in to trouble.

Will I go to prison?
What will happen to your brother, sister? Self respect is the key. Girls who respect themselves don't have sex at 16 - children desperate for affection/attention do.

Once you are 16 then it is your choice. The consequences for children having sex under 16 is drastic, don't do it. Keep religion out of it. Just stick to common sence.

I'm not even sure I fully knew what sex was at 13, and I didn't have that sheltered an upbringing (ie not brought up in an Amish community or Patagonian weirdo sect). I fear for our young ones. It's always happened, I know, but I look at my 14 and 13 yr olds (one boy, one girl) and just know there's no way they're ready to have sex. They haven't even reached puberty properly, let alone be able to cope with the emotional side of things.

Gosh - personally I think 13 is way too young for a full sexual relationship. One of my daughters has just turned 15, she is mature for her age, but I am sure she is not ready for a sexual relationship. She has a mixed group of friends who she hangs around with but they are not yet at the stage of sex - I know because we have talked about it (in a slightly roundabout type of way). 13 year olds are really still children, even if they are fully developed. It seems such a shame to rush through to full sex at 13. When I was a teenager I think I had my first snog at 15 then there were quite a few years of "messing around" - it was good fun and seemed far less risky then sex.

One of my sisters got pregnant at 13 - what a disaster. Her naivety was exploited by an older boy who of course couldn't care less about the consequences. It messed up her entire teenage years. I just don't think that children under 16 are able to cope with the realities of full sexual relationships - emotionally, physically etc, they just don't have the maturity.

I think in this case (Oh and why has this been bumped? ) the OP had to deal with something which had already been done and which her daughter was very honest about. To run around placing bans on her activity would only serve to make her daughter be less honest and feel like she must hide things. IMO the way it was dealt with was good.