What’s so awful about teens?

[Explaintomee]

On another thread an OP is warned about the awfulness of teenagers and how stressful they are.

Now I see this a lot on here and I don’t, 100% do not, want this to be taken as goady or provocative - what’s so awful about them? I’m in the preschool stage which is exhausting with potty training, constant need for entertainment, broken nights (one is a baby) early wake ups, toys everywhere.

By comparison teens seem self sufficient. Easy even.

So go on - what makes them worse than little ones?

Bigger kids, bigger problems. Most teen issues can't be resolved with a cuddle and some chocolate buttons. Like babies/toddlers, you may get lucky with temperament and how the hormones hit or you may get one gone feral.

The most connected parents will have a mostly good relationship with their teens that will share their feelings and experiences. If they say all is completely fine that is a red flag!! They are not sharing anything with you.

Teens have to contend with an enormous spectrum of challenges: at the lower end academic pressure, social media and staying safe. At the higher end, drugs, crime, violence, gangs and genuinely life changing experiences.

I am often awake all night checking they are home safely rather than feeding or changing nappies. Or picking them up. I have sleepless nights when they travel alone with friends.

Watching them learn to drive and drive alone is stressful and they are coping with so much all at once. I have found it to be so exciting watching them grow, enjoying their more adult company and my own freedom in exchange for not knowing where they are, who they are with or how they will get home ( they are at uni) I’m no longer able to help them in the ways I used to be able to, and it hurts to see them suffer.

Overall though most of them are fantastic humans just doing their best but it’s not easy!

I saw a clip about the main factor in how teens behave is who they mix with outside of the home. I think it's pot luck who they end up friends with. You can be the greatest parent but if they have a crazy friend it's really hard to manage.

I was talking to a friend recently about how teens now can be influenced by such a greater variety of people/opinions than people they know in RL. As a teen I was pretty conservative in my views being mainly influenced by parents, friends and church youth leaders. (And the odd teen magazine)
Now social media can give teens way more influences well outside their immediate RL sphere of friends, family, school, trusted adults. In some ways potentially getting more balanced or counter opinion...but at the extreme end people like Andrew Tate being able to shape their opinion. That type of almost "cult" type following wouldn't really gave been a thing 25 years ago.

I work with teenagers and I think they are great. I really enjoy working with them because I can have a right laugh with them, they come out with such ridiculous things and I love watching their faces when they have those light bulb moments. Some of them can be really rude and a lot of them think they know everything, but most of them are lovely.

My dc's are still primary age though, so I have no actual experience of parenting teenagers. Ask me about that in 10 years, I may have changed my opinion on them by then 😂

This .

Most of them aren't, but teenagers are able to be deliberately and horrifically awful in ways that pre-schoolers can't even get close to being. I've taught some like that, and I've read absolutely heart-rending threads on MN about vile, abusive and cruel behaviour from teens towards their parents and siblings. Even nice teens can make you sick with worry.

I'm finding teenage years harder. My dd was literally a textbook baby, slept through from early on, ate well, never a toddler tantrum. Was so easy to manage up until she reached 12. Now it's moods, back chat, friendship issues (including low level social media bullying by other girls), social media in general, not wanting to go to bed etc etc.

I hope she's just starting young with the hormonal teenage stuff and it ends soon 🤣

She has barely got started!! I have hair loss remedies I can share 🤣

I've not read the full thread but one big downside of teens is how late they stay up. Gone are my evening where I can get the kids to bed and have a bit of me time or time with dh. And they faff, taking ages to do anything, especially going to bed! And how much food they eat, it costs a fortune and there is never anything nice left when I fancy a treat. Oh and the cost of the designer clothes and the mountains of washing.

Some parts of parenting teenagers can be difficult. Some teenagers can demonstrate behaviours that are difficult. It is a time when their focus moves from family to their peers and there are risks associated contextually and mental health related. It's also a time when young people begin to explore their identity and this can come with difficulties too.
Not all teenagers are difficult to parent. I have a 14yo who is currently an angel. Aware this could change at any time 😂

Teens are wonderful! Babies on the over hand, bloody awful.

Mine were fabulous and still are tho they're all in their 30s now.

We had some ups and downs, with school and relationship problems. But they never ever brought trouble to my door, and we have always been close.

For me it hasn't been harder. My teens are wonderful people. DD was bullied throughout secondary which was hard but she was always lovely and still is. Never been rude to us or got in trouble. She is now very happy at uni with great friends and a boyfriend. DS is autistic but hasn't struggled - he was fine at secondary school as he is very confident (even though a bit socially awkward) so he made friends. He is very funny and intelligent and is working in an IT company as an apprentice.

A few of my friends have difficult teens - no idea why I got lucky but it hasn't been the horror show I was warned about. The opposite in all honesty!

I think it's different with boys and girls! My son who is 16 has been a breeze no problem at all, no trouble, no talking back respectful and lovely to be around. My daughter 13 is very moody one min she will be fine the next she will be shouty and always arguing with the girls at school jumping from one drama to the next!🙈it's exhausting I sometimes have to count under my breath while saying WTF?!!!!

So yes I'm finishing the teenage years hard at the moment with my girl

Finding

😂😂😂

My teen makes me laugh a lot and she has lovely friends. She can be infuriating but that’s nothing new!

I found the baby and toddler years more difficult. We’ve had some struggles in the teen years, teens are complex beings. But generally I enjoy her company, she’s funny and lovely most of the time. Maybe it’s just a personal thing.

My teenagers were fine in terms of behaviour etc. Younger one was a moody nightmare at about 10/11 but grew out of it.

However I think the difference is that whilst you don't have the physical running around, there is a lot of emotional support needed. Far more dealing with schools and supporting exams and friendships/relationships. Preparing for jobs/college/uni, part time work, supporting independence, driving lessons etc. Metal health, self esteem issues etc. And whilst when they were little most people could outsource parts of care to grandparents/nurseries etc, very little of teenage parenting is outsource-able.

Combine that with mothers being peri/menopausal and that's all bad enough without a teenager pushing boundaries and being difficult in themselves.

I have to say though that I found my teenage boys great and enjoyed that period mostly. They are good fun and you can have proper talks with them. Obviously at times I could have got the spade out to stick them under the patio...

The primary years are the golden time. Babies and pre schoolers are flipping hard work undeniably and teens can be worrisome. Enjoy 5-10!

Horses for courses but I found the primary years meh compared to teen years. Watching them become their own people and having their own opinions is hard to beat IMO.

My teenagers are very hard work.
Perhaps you could give me a list of what you see as parenting fails and I can check them off.
Also, MH is a bigger issue than you think.

@EarthlyNightshade - Please don’t think I’m being smug. Mine are good kids. I don’t take credit. It’s them. It’s their friends. It’s a lucky fucking miracle. I have seen friend’s kids who seemed like reasonable humans turn into absolute beasts at 16 - when you’d think they’d be getting through the worst of it… I doubt that it’s necessarily anything you’re doing or not doing. Kids these days are definitely much more empowered to demand and get away with soooooo much more than ever. Wishing you resilience!

I don't think the reason people say teenagers are hard work is necessarily just about them being nice kids or not. I would say mine are really nice kids but its been a nightmare parenting them. It's all the stuff we have no control over but you see them suffer with/worried about/involved with
Relationships
Sex
Heartbreak
Consent
Alcohol
Mental health
Exams
Careers
Disappointment
Friendships
Driving

I can't believe for a single millisecond that even the best kid hadn't gone through hard times with any of the above.