What’s so awful about teens?

[Explaintomee]

On another thread an OP is warned about the awfulness of teenagers and how stressful they are.

Now I see this a lot on here and I don’t, 100% do not, want this to be taken as goady or provocative - what’s so awful about them? I’m in the preschool stage which is exhausting with potty training, constant need for entertainment, broken nights (one is a baby) early wake ups, toys everywhere.

By comparison teens seem self sufficient. Easy even.

So go on - what makes them worse than little ones?

Babies and pre schoolers are really really hard work physically. Teens are much easier on that front. But the stakes are much higher and you lose control incrementally and have to let them go and that’s mentally harder.

That said mine are broadly lovely and aren’t rude or dreadful like some of my friends teens but I worry for them. Dealing with a devastated 13 year old suddenly dropped by her friendship group is far harder than potty training because there’s largely not much you can do.

I don’t know why it’s not ok to ask what it’s like some people just like to be negative and goady, they could have an argument in an empty room on here just now.

If you are referring to me, at least get the context of what I said right. I 🤨 at OP saying she couldn't imagine how it was more tiring with teens than toddlers.

Not negative. Not goady. Just questnkng.

HTH

Yes - each stage has its compensations as well as challenges. Of course some days I miss the cute toddler kisses or that gorgeous newborn smell.

But I also love the funny, challenging, interesting people my teens are. I like learning from them. I love seeing their (sometimes small to others) successes.

I had not realised how expensive it was to have teens, and that's an ongoing worry as a single parent. It is often tiring as I sit up at night or in the early morning trying to manage finances / bills / outgoings.

Because a problem teenager is a far far bigger problem than a problem toddler.

Sure, many are easy, as are many toddlers.

But self harm, bullying, pregnancy, attempts to take life, prison, throwing away education, anxiety, nudes online etc are kinda bigger problems than potty training.

And, school refusal. I think I read a stat somewhere that 10% of current teenagers are at school less than 80% of the time. So, it's really not a 'that won't be my teenager' situation.

To be fair earrings you have posted a lot on this thread and the first post rather condescendingly told me I was goady. Anyway, moving on. I know before I had my children I couldn’t have imagined how relentless and exhausting babies and toddlers are and I probably feel the same about teens now. I know knowing something and living it are two different things (I know babies woke at night but I didn’t know how awful it can be when they just don’t sleep.)

Yes when posters merrily crack on with having baby after baby (one the other day was 25 about to have her 5th) I boggle at the expense. We stopped at 2 and thank god as teens are extremely expensive and that’s before paying for university.

To be fair earrings you have posted a lot on this thread and the first post rather condescendingly told me I was goady.

Sorry - why shouldn't I post on the thread? As a parent of teens? Answering the question asked? What's your issue with that?

I questioned whether you really were not being goady by wondering how teens could be more tiring than toddlers, in your follow up post.

That's all. If you are sure you're not, great. Just a question from me.

Yes, I was absolutely one of those saying 'have the DC, you'll figure out the cost' 😳

Obviously I was still married but even then ..,

Now I realise actually planning ahead & really thinking of the practical and financial considerations of having DC is important!

This!! And honestly my daughter wants the most expensive stuff! The skincare she uses is more expensive than most of what I have 😂 she just wants what all these influencers have on Tiktok, and then all her friends have it... I can't imagine having to do that x5!

My teens were wonderful - full of humour and opinions. I think the thing that's stressful though is that the issues they have are not always fixable by you as a parent. They are more complicated and more vulnerable than little ones in many ways because they are out there in the world.

My teens have just come home...one is busy telling me all about their toxic friendship group and the other is not speaking to me because I attended a meeting at their school about their progress and I'm extremely embarrassing and should never have done that

Oh yes White Dox hoodies iets Frans joggers and Sephora - luckily mine works a couple of jobs so buys these herself

I have an 18yo and a 20yo. No mood swings or sulking with either of them. One boy, one girl.

They've always been easy children to be fair. I'm very lucky as have brought them up by myself!

I find this amazing. My kids aren't bad kids at all but I have lots of eye rolling and stroppiness. Have you seriously not had any of this in their entire life?

I really like teens.

I taught secondary for ten years and they can be absolutely delightful.

However, the teen years are when many physical and mental health issues start.

For example my DD had hashimotos thyroiditis which went undiagnosed for three years and led to her dropping out of school and us going on a frantic search for a diagnosis.

There are childhood illnesses but there is a lot more that onset basically at or after puberty.

Then there are the mental health issues - these days you do get suicidal six year old etc but often this is a teen phenomenon.

Again, in the same area, it's one thing if your toddler won't eat, it's another if your 14 year old is anorexic.

If they don't pass GCSEs they can't get onto the college courses they want and their whole life will be a lot harder.

Some teens also get into dealing drugs etc (county lines) and can be terribly exploited.

Then there's the girls that believe their bf when he says he is just taking some pictures and suddenly everyone at school has seen naked pics of her.

The toddler years are more exhausting, but they are unlikely to fuck up their whole life. Teen years have a massive impact on their future life.

I found the toddler years much more tiring and hard work. Although the teenage years were not drama free I enjoyed them much more than the toddler years.

This!! Teens are so incredibly expensive. I thought that I’d planned relatively well financially for DD and had a decent trust fund put away for her but even that is not enough these days. The cost at the age of 17/18 becomes absolutely crippling with cars, driving lessons, uni etc to think about even before any luxuries like nights out and the traditional post A level party holiday. Don’t even start me on the clothes, skincare etc. I have no idea what I’d do if she wasn’t an only child

I found the toddler and pre school years so exhausting, juggling work, never a minute's peace, the tantrums and mess.

I miss their cuteness, but I find it much easier now they're teenagers.

It's been a different kind of tough, but a kind I feel like I'm more suited to. This last year I have taken my 18yr old on many driving lessons, helped him apply for jobs and give him interview help, looked round lots of universities and apply for those, seen him off to his first festival and him starting to drink alcohol occasionally. He's under a lot a pressure atm with A levels, but he's been a great teen overall. It's so different to toddler parenting and I much prefer it!

I've another going through GCSE's and he's placid as anything, no trouble but also very lazy and laid back!!

Sunday mornings are the best when they're all asleep.

same here, my 14 and 18 year olds are just lovely, no problem teen years here...yet.

the baby and toddler years were far harder

@Comedycook

Nope, honestly nothing like that!

Never had a slammed door or even any arguments 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like I'm showing off but I'm really not. Maybe it's because it just been the 3 of us?

Statistically, the chances of your toddler being kidnapped are far lower than a teen driver being involved in an accident, but I’m sure you’d never dream of leaving them outside a shop on their own.

Stats show young drivers, particularly boys, are far more likely to have an accident than any other demographic. And teen brains are still not fully developed so you have an 18 year old in charge of a car who isn’t yet in possession of a fully functioning brain! It’s always going to be a worry!

We went to 15 year old DDs parents evening - all the teachers were what a delight she is etc. DD was just like ' what was the point of you coming, its not like you learnt anything new' with an eye roll. She is actually a lovely teen, very helpful, volunteers to cook for the family etc etc

Teens can often behave like giant toddlers. The difference being that you can't pick them up and put them somewhere safe while they tantrum. You have to let them out in the world and hope that they make sensible choices with their still developing brains. That's not to say toddlers aren't incredibly challenging, you just have a lot more ability to control their lives and therefore keep them safe.