What’s so awful about teens?

[Explaintomee]

On another thread an OP is warned about the awfulness of teenagers and how stressful they are.

Now I see this a lot on here and I don’t, 100% do not, want this to be taken as goady or provocative - what’s so awful about them? I’m in the preschool stage which is exhausting with potty training, constant need for entertainment, broken nights (one is a baby) early wake ups, toys everywhere.

By comparison teens seem self sufficient. Easy even.

So go on - what makes them worse than little ones?

For me? Nothing.

I found the teenage years easy, much easier than the baby/toddler stage.

I’d like to say it’s all down to my parenting but I really don’t think it is just down to that.

Not sweating the small stuff helps a lot.
And not taking stuff personally or expecting them to behave better than mature adults. (I’m finding expectations of teenagers sometimes mind boggling).

However, I liked my teens and enjoyed spending g time with them.

I was a very firm parent with strong boundaries and consequences. My
oldest was a bit of a struggle in year 9 at school but nothing that warranted a detention or more consequences. Middle one had some MH issues but related to
being autistic. They’re 15, 19 and 22 now and truly they’ve not been bad. None of them smoke, drink, take drugs or have sex (the oldest is gay). The worst that I could say about them is that they’re lazy.

other friends of mine had similar outcomes. We’ve always engaged with our children. I still get up at 630 to see my youngest off to school.

mine are all boys.

But you have to see them as young people in their own right and learn to get to know them individual people.

I think that’s key @Screamingabdabz

And part of them being people in their own right is about giving them as much independence as they can handle.
letting them make their own choices even if it’s not the one you would have made. From when you do homework to friends etc…

I have a similar experience with my teens slthough theyre slightly younger, but don't want to take anything for granted. I was hideous and hard work as a baby/toddler (my mum liked to remind me at any/every opportunity!) but after that probably a very easy child and teen - never got into trouble, great gcses etc....until 17 when I had MH problems and an Eating disorder.

Sunday mornings are the best when they're all asleep

This was a problem for me when I went out for a run early on Sunday, in the rain and came back at 10am and no one was awake to let me in! 🤣

Teens like to think they are self sufficient but they really aren't. Lifts, dramas, moods, body changes, education/life plans, late nights, fall outs, hopes, disappointments. It's one huge rollercoaster. And the parental mental load that goes with that is huge.

Oh I'm envious. It's just me & 3 DC, wonderful in many ways, but I certainly have my share of dramas, shouting, rudeness & emotion ...

@lovingmumsaremagnificent

That sounds so so hard. I think there are situations like this where there's nothing you can do change their behaviour. I hope things improve for you all ❤️

Nothing really. First years are much hard work.
Most of the time if the teenagers are acting like stupid brats is because their parents failed miserably with their upbringing.
There is always the odd MH issue of course, but that is a minority of the cases.

It's a bit more than the odd mh issue.

A substantial fraction of teens experience poor mh at some point.

www.youngminds.org.uk/about-us/media-centre/mental-health-statistics/

This is nonsense. There are plenty of great parents who have difficult teens. There are lots of factors to consider including hormones and genetics

Toddlers, however difficult, seem like a breeze compared to difficult teens.

Probably averagely difficult teens look like that too if you find yourself with a young adult child, with mental health/ drug issues/ incarcerated etc.

It's sort of an acceptance that you are running or have run out of time to make a happy ever after possible.
With a toddler you've still all the time in the world, and it's a liberating feeling.

Toddlers are physically harder work. Much harder.
Teens are emotionally much harder work.

@Comedycook

There are plenty of great parents who have difficult teens

I saw a clip about the main factor in how teens behave is who they mix with outside of the home. I think it's pot luck who they end up friends with. You can be the greatest parent but if they have a crazy friend it's really hard to manage.

I also agree with poster that it's harder to keep a teenager safe than a toddler. Knifes, drugs, fast cars, drink. It's much more difficult to control than them potentially running off in Asda or getting lost at the park.

lol so speaks the voice of someone who really doesn’t have a fucking clue

Their hormones are all over the place
They don't always understand risks and can indulge in terrifying risky behaviour
They likely care more about their peers than their parents, see above
You can't stop them doing stupid things, like drugs. Ketamine for example
They can be pretty selfish
Sometimes they see things in black and white
You can't actually stop them doing some stupid stuff, you just hope it doesn't kill them (ketamine, drinking, sex, self harming, trusting the wrong people)
You won't always know where they are, what they're doing or who they're with
They will often by physically bigger than you. You can't 'just' stop them going to a rave or whatever

They're not all horrible and they're not horrible people, they're just teenagers. And you have to hope that you have a good enough relationship with you that they tell you some of the above shit before anything really bad happens. You're winning in that case, however bad it gets. And mine have turned into the best people in the world and I love them madly and forgive them the teenage years. But fuck me, they were hard. Give me a toddler any day, piece of piss.

I almost never shout - I think that having a calm environment is really important.

Lol. Love this. Spot on.

shitty goady post.

It’s way way more exhausting for some people if their teens struggle. You can solve most problems for little ones, and you know their problems , sleepless nights etc will change over time. To watch a teen struggle with mental health or drug or drug addiction or an abusive relationship is breaking to a parent

Little children adore you and accept your help- a teen looks to their peers and if their peers are not great people much of what you say to your teens is totally ignored and you watch them and their futures disintegrate in front of you. Plus their decisions can be dangerous, hence staying out, coming home incapable of being safe- this gives worse sleepiness night than toddlers.
Of course most peoples teens are not that extreme but many are and that is why parenting teens is incomparably harder than toddlers

Of my 2 close friends with 7 teens between us we have had to deal with between us

Self harm
Ocd
Anxiety
Eating issues
School refusal
School suspension
Relationships and sex with boyfriends
Coming out as Gay (that was easy)
Agoraphobia
Vapes

That's alongside the usual
Worries of
Social Media
School
Exams
Periods
Friendship issues
Driving
Moodyness
Expense
Heartbreak
Alcohol and parties

We are all "decent" caring parents and kids go to good schools.

Kids had lots of love and time as younger kids. Swimming play dates dance etc. Did well at primary school.

I will never judge another parent again after the last few years.

The emotional turmoil is nothing compared to little ones

The sleepless nights from worry are nothing like sleepless nights from tiredness.

On the other hand when they get it right the pride is immense.

@SherrieElmer
When you write posts like that, what's your motive? Just seems pointlessly spiteful.

One thing I do like about having teens is I get to sleep in at the weekends and if I want a nap or to sit quietly and watch TV or read, I can. Toddlers are absolutely exhausting.

When they’re little, you may worry about potty training or sleeping or eating or whatever. But they cuddle you and hold your hand and run towards you arms outstretched and those moments make up for the hard ones.

With teenagers, you have all the same worries but nothing to balance it out. They don’t want to spend time with you, roll their eyes when you ask a normal question, moan a lot and generally don’t seem like anything very much.

I can only speak from my personal experience but the teenage years have almost destroyed me.

Started at age12 with DS being bullied at school and mental health declining as a result. He's just come out the other side at 18 but I still worry constantly about him.

DD has been even more of a nightmare. Diagnosed with a serious health condition age 12 , this triggered anxiety and depression and then she experienced bullying at school which made it even more awful. Two year delay in getting any kind of mental health support from the NHS meant she got steadily worse and led her to start self harming. We then had to pay to go private and she finally got some help. She's now almost 16 and things are still awful but at least she's no longer harming herself. Awful abusive Boyfriend trouble is the latest stress for us but don't want to go into that on here. I haven't even mentioned the usual teenage pitfalls (toxic friendships , social media nightmares, drinking , drugs etc )

I cry most days over one or both of them.

They were both absolutely delightful until age 12. Perfect toddlers and fantastic children.

I no longer look at cute babies and coo over them. I just think of them growing up to be a nightmare which is really sad.

I’ve never been fond of small children, although my own were tolerable!
As teenagers they are (mostly) great. They’re good company, full of enthusiasm for all sort of things. We have had a few moody spells, but when you remember it’s just hormones it’s not so bad! Nothing like the tedium of toddlers!