'I'm not cleaning toilets'

[boobashka]

I'm trying to encourage my 17 year old to get a weekend/ holiday job and have texted him a range of opportunities which I've found online. I asked him to chase up one which was cleaning camper vans to which he responded 'that's not the kind of thing I want to do - I'm not cleaning toilets'. This has really got my back up. Both myself and dh cleaned toilets, washed pots and pans, chambermaided, pulled pints etc as students. I'm annoyed that I've raised someone so entitled. Who does he think he is? Advice please?

Ok that’s fine… I probably wouldn’t want that job either… BUT has he shown any interest and applied to any non-toilet jobs??? If not then it sounds like he just cba to work.

I seriously don't know what people think toilets are like in hotels and other accommodation but as a housekeeping manager I can tell you that it's probably not what you are thinking.

We have lots of students working for us and I fully expect that they will all go onto big things in the future but for now they are cleaning toilets and it hasn't psychologically affected them or killed them.

I really wish people would have a different attitude towards cleaners because without them no one would be in their hotel room or holiday accommodation enjoying themselves.

He doesn’t sound particularly entitled to me. He’s 17, he lives at home, he doesn’t actually need a job. Why should he do something he doesn’t want to?

I worked from 16, because I wanted things I couldn’t afford otherwise. I’ve never done a job that involved cleaning, or worked in a pub, because both sound awful to me. If I had to do them now, to keep a roof over my kids heads, I would do, but that’s where my bar is set. I wouldn’t have cleaned camper vans just for spending money. I don’t think I’m “better” than that, I’ve done other jobs that other people would avoid. We’re all allowed preferences!

Anyway, I don’t think you’re doing him any favours by attempting to hold his hand through this. You’ve found the job and are micro managing him applying? Did your parents find you the student job? I think you need to let him find his own motivation. Go through the figures for university for him, make sure he can clearly understand what he will and won’t be able to afford. Set his current pocket money at a level that starts to teach him about budgeting.

I get you OP and think you're getting a bad rap on here.
Ive also cleaned toilets....been a cleaner...etc.
Its the being selective over jobs hes applying for when really he needs to find a job and if he wants money... cleaning is an option. I also get you being irritated about him saying he isn't cleaning toilets...like its below him... someone has to do that job all said and done...hes lucky to be able to have a choice.
Oc we dont want our kids cleaning lavs...but its getting through to them that if its an option you might have to

I've worked since I was 15 and I've never cleaned a single toilet but my own. I worked all sorts of jobs as a student. He's entitled to do as he pleases. At 17 he can find his own job and I think you're too involved.

If you want him to get a job then don't pay for things/charge some rent. Otherwise he has no need for a job.

I don’t see why he has to clean toilets.

My mum was a cleaner and was quite angry that I didn’t consider cleaning jobs whilst at college/uni. She sounded like you and the root of it was she wanted to hold me back and knock my confidence. She had a chip on her shoulder. I was often asked ‘who do you think you are?’

I had a job in a shop, did tutoring and an admin role until I finished my degree.

If he doesn’t want to clean toilets then that’s fine, he doesn’t have to. Plenty of other suitable jobs for a 17 year old around. I wouldn’t want to clean toilets either and had plenty of part time jobs when I was younger where I never had to do so - I’m not entitled!

I had my first job af 16 in Clarks. I’ve never, EVER had a job where I cleaned toilets and I wouldn’t want too. I don’t think it sounds like he’s too good to start from the bottom as there’s many other ‘first time jobs’ out there. Support him in doing something he wouldn’t mind doing

My son is 16 and is doing A-levels and cleans for 2 hours after college at the college every day. He gets good money ( for a 16 year old) sick pay snd holiday pay. He puts his ear phones in listens to music and just gets on with it and yes this includes cleaning the toilets on his corridor. He says " mum it's boring but I just get on with it" .

Well I wouldn't do that either so guess I am also entitled. Never worked a job that I had to either. Let him find a job. I probably wouldn't fancy cafe work either. Plenty of other options in retail.

Huh. Your son is lucky. Cleaning toilets! Luxury! I grew up on a family farm. Picking up potatoes in a muddy frozen field in the rain isnt a lot of laughs.
But the killer and no townies believe this. Strawberry picking. Its hot and boring. And the leaves are serated like bread knives and they slash your arms and after a while both forearms are red and swollen.
Also I bet cleaning toilets means you don't get shouted and sworn at for not picking fast enough. My boss aka dad was a potty mouth.

OP, I totally get you. My own kids are pretty grounded - my 16 year old went out and got himself a job in a burger joint last summer and was delighted to get it and my 12 year old loves cleaning toilets and sinks as part of housework (genuinely!) but I have some friends with children who have some of your sons 'notions' as to what work befits their status in life (a status which is almost entirely built on their parents middle class position, not on their own efforts). People here are being deliberately obtuse - you don't specifically want your son to clean toilets but you want him to get that he has no skills or experience so should be happy to work someplace that would employ him and just get on with it. I come from a long line of working class people and the women in particular nearly all worked as cleaners - my grandmother died of a heart attack in her 50s on her way home from such a job. Because I am lucky to be born when I was, I have a good education and a professional job. But if it all went in the morning, I would happily go cleaning or waitressing, I am no better than my foremothers or anyone else indeed. The notion that a 16 or 17 year old no-nothing is too good for menial jobs that my wonderful, kind and wise 60 year old aunt is still doing makes my blood boil.

I wouldn’t call not wanting to clean toilets ‘notions’ - I don’t think that anybody particularly wants to clean toilets! Obviously someone has to do it but OP’s son doesn’t want to and in all likelihood has plenty of other options which is fine. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal to some posters and the OP.

Honestly it is really not necessary to clean toilets as a work experience to grow up a decent person. Hopefully he finds something else

Sounds like something he's parrotted from one of his uppity mates but each to their own. There are people who'd given the choice would rather clean toilets all day than deal with one member of the general public, whose attitude can be compared to the contents of a toilet.

I had plenty of cleaning jobs when my ds was little because I had no choice. Now I do have choice I would never clean again. And actually, I wouldn’t want my ds to take a job cleaning loos. It’s horrible and hard work, and I doubt most 17 yr olds would clean satisfactorily anyway.
Ds did spend a summer as a kp at 17, which was absolutely awful and he wasn’t treated well, but it was a worthwhile learning curve of how hard people have to work.

‘Uppity mates’. Really? Stop being so horribly classist

Thank you @theleafandnotthetree You also 'get it'. Maybe it's because I come from a similar w/c background myself and now with a middle class profession and lifestyle and my son being born into that. It's hit a nerve.
For the posters saying I want to hold him back, nothing could be further from the truth...

I'm simply saying that a great deal of what people say isn't their own ideas but someone's else's and that someone else is often woefully misled. And certainly being from a more comfortable background leaves much room for snobbery.

I really don't get the people saying he has no skills and experience.

Sure, not much.

But he does have skills and he does have options.

He could:

Do data entry
Checkout at supermarket
Customer services at an supermarket
Call centre
Tutor friends in maths/english/whatever

At 17, some jobs give experience that is useful when applying for graduate jobs. Some don't.

I would choose a job that gave me useful experience over one that didn't, and cleaning jobs aren't going to give me useful experience for my career.

Eh? Your cleaner doesn't clean your toilet? It's literally her job!

I agree OP, kids have to start somewhere when they get their first job.

Well I regularly sit on interview panels for professional jobs and would happily give a job to a grafter who did lots of different kinds of so called "menial' jobs where you learn a shit tonne about life and people than someone who had been picking and choosing basec on gaining useful experience for a career which was 4 or 5 years down the line.

I disagree that he wouldn't get useful experience- any low level job will help teach him a work ethic. I learnt so much from the menial jobs I carried out as a teen. It's really not just about the money, more the experience of having to work hard at something which might be a bit boring over the summer. I think it will make him appreciate his life more too.

Most of DD’s friends got part time jobs which would help with the application process to their chosen careers, e.g the medicine/healthcare applicants worked in care homes, law applicants in call centres and public facing jobs etc. Scrubbing toilets is of absolutely no benefit to him, if he’s going to get a job he may as well get one that gives him skills for the future

I worked in that kind of specialist shop as a teen. The cleaning rota was part of our responsibilities so I did have to clean the staff toilets! To be fair even the manager took a turn.

I imagine the OP would be less annoyed if he was taking a proper pro active approach to finding an alternative but it sounds like he is quick to rule things beneath him but doing little to ensure he has the skills to get the things he wants.

He needs to crack on because the older you get with zero work experience the harder it is to get a job. Taking a chance on a totally inexperienced 16 year old and they get a lower rate of minimum wage that reflects this. By 18 they are paid more and expected to know a bit more (even if from a totally unrelated area they understand how to conduct themselves in a work setting).