17yr DD hid boyfriend from me

[unusualbusiness]

Was driving 17yr DD home from a male friend she's known for about 3 years. She goes to his house every Friday and sometimes on weekdays.
It was a quiet ride but about 5 minutes before we reached home she said out of nowhere "you know me and my friend are dating right?"
I asked how long for, and she said 2 and a half years. I was so hurt I just sarcastically thanked her for telling me and the rest of the trip was silent.
I was very upset about it for the rest of the night. I can't believe she would hide that from me for 2 and 1/2 years... anyone else had an experience like this with lying? What should I do?
DD hasn't come down since she went upstairs after we got home.

Tbh im not sure you’ve been lied to.

My own experience with autism (dh and dc2) is that sometimes autistic people seem to assume people know what they know.
So dc2 will tell me something assuming I also know A and B and is getting upset if I point out that ‘NO. I didn’t know but now that I do, his comment/question makes sense’.
Plus both of them seem to have no ability to know what could be important to tell me. Dc2 is 19yo. I’m not expecting him to tell us he has a gf unless it has become really serious. I know that I’d I was asking him why not telling us he’d said something like ‘why? We’re both at Uni together so it’s not affecting you/us as a family’.

Im wondering if there hasn’t been a mix between her not thinking it was something important to tell you, then assuming you’d know with a sprinkle of ‘how the heck do I say that?’.

Re the bf attitude and him not acknowkedging you.

By any chance, is the bf autistic too?

Girls have male friends why would she need to suspect that

I concur...

Of course girls have male friends, but it is unusual to have such frequent, regular meet ups over 2.5 years without other friends being around, at that age, without there being some 'extra interest'.

I think most Mums would have at least thought about the possibility of a BF/GF situation under those circumstances. They wouldn't be completely blindsided like the OP appears to be if it turned out that was the case.

Maybe she didn't tell you because she was scared you'd stop her seeing him at that age. If it's been going on this long I'd just forget it and be happy for her. Nothing good will come from questioning her now ,you will probably just get it thrown back in your face .