Have your teens effected your mental health?

[2girls76]

Just that! My mental health is at its worst because of struggling to cope with my teens behaviour and their mental health. The rollercoaster of emotions, constant worry and anxiety and the mum guilt is horrendous. Have accessed loads of support for them but nothing for myself. Did try antidepressants but I didn't need them, I wasn't depressed just so burnt out with dealing with my teen. Struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel and worried this might be our lives now.
So just wondering how everyone else copes and what help there is out there for parents?

It's hard OP...
I am not coping and I have a mentally ill teen.
Know all the talk "self care", "cannot pour from an empty cup" etc but I cannot walk the walk.
Today I fantasised about having a nervous breakdown and ending up in hospital to escape it all...not joking!

I know there are others in a lot worse position than I am. And that makes me feel guilty.
Somehow that doesn't make me feel strong though.

Xx

Mine has been knocked after one of my dcs MH took a severe turn for the worst 5 years ago.
It’s just exhausting. I feel like a broken shell
most of the time.

It's horrendous. One teenager was hospitalised with anorexia and the other has autism and ADHD and psychotic breakdowns. I lost the end of my tether years ago.

Hopefully things are starting to improve.

Sorry OP, I have no useful advice but you're not alone.

Yes. My 15yo doesn't see any future and won't go to school. I feel crushed every single day as I can't help her.

Older teen is learning to drive and while he is very sensible, I still might have a nervous breakdown when he passes and drives alone.

If I had my time again, I wouldn’t have children.

Navigating the teen years is so unbelievably hard

Sorry to hear so many suffering but is a comfort to know I'm not alone. I feel exactly the same "a shell of my former self". Every time things seems to be improving something else happens or DD drops another bombshell. I look at friends DD used to go to school with and I envy their parents having kids doing well and thriving - just getting by would do me. I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained and struggle to find the joy I used to in everyday life! There must be more support for parents as we are the ones left to deal with it. Hugs to every parent struggling to cope and pray each of us fiind the light at the end of the tunnel soon!!

This

I had no clue it could get this bad. I'm not a perfect parent by any means but have always put my kids first and tried to do the right thing, so can't quite get my head round how it's gone so drastically wrong.😞

We are parenting a new wave of humans and finding our way in the dark.

It's beyond exhausting- I'm not sure there's even a word for it. It is relentless and their issues seem to have to be our responsibilities that hasn't been that way in previous generations.

They are frantic and it spills over into all aspects of family life.

I hear that it will all be worth it when they mature but being in the thick of it feels endless.

Yes it has, one teen DC is severely mentally unwell, for a few years she would accept any help as CAHMs were utterly useless she didn’t see the point of medical help. Now she’s finally getting some support. She’s a shell of her former bubbly little child self it breaks my heart. Another one has undiagnosed ASD she was bullied at school who were useless at supporting or helping her, she felt she had to leave early. She was self-harming and her mental health wasn’t great either. Another is just about getting by by flying under the radar, melting into the walls so no one really says anything to her. Another was physically assaulted last week and had been getting bullied as well.

secondary schools just appear to be out of control places where the decent hard working kids are picked on relentlessly, button up your blazer - you’re gay, your too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short, too gay, use a certain type of pen you’re gay. If you tell the bullies to p off that means you think you’re hard and want a fight! What was the teacher doing whilst my son got shoved and punched in class, looking down at her laptop, she never looked up as she didn’t want to deal with the behaviour! Teachers are scared to say or do anything

Can't help but think everyone turns a blind eye, teachers, police and the wrongings get away with everything and it breads amongst the youngsters. I'll be honest I'm scared to discipline my DD for fear of what she might do. I do pull her up on stuff but am lost how to parent a child with mental health issues. I appreciate all the reply's - you have no idea how much it helps!!

Oh and mine were safe and mentally ok before they went to high school - it's horrendous!!

Mine turned part way through seniors. Looking back she probably would have benefitted from a different educational path but we are where we are now.
There is a staggering lack of support available. It beggars belief when CAMHS said to dh after a week long spell for dc in hospital after she had made another attempt to go home, not talk about, she’s a bright girl and knows what she’s doing in life. He was dumbfounded and asked if she meant to just go home and wait for it to happen again: she said yes and off she went. That was the last we heard from them.

Shocking!! We paid around £2000 for private counselling and it made everything worse. After 6 months our DD had completely turned against us and therapist said she needs to continue therapy, she's not ready to go it alone until we said we couldn't afford it anymore, then it was "well she can't have therapy forever" Disgusting!!

Bloody hell that’s shocking.
We have had a couple of counsellors for dd over the years who have overall had quite a positive effect on her but she currently doesn’t want to see one and instead opts for her (free! Hooray!) college counsellor which took a while to access but I’m very grateful for.
But she leaves college soon and I’m already in knots about the fact that she won’t have that outlet and bringing up that we can start looking for another counsellor again…

@2girls76
You are absolutely right.
It's a struggle to know how to parent mentally ill teens.
My DD self harms, has had 3 overdoses and ended in a&e, is diagnosed as depressed and I have no clue how to parent her.
And I have a fairly normal 13 year old at home whom I am scared to parent too I case he says "why me and not her"

Yes.
However, I've had anxiety that can tip over into depression since my 20s, so I think I'm primed for it. Also, I am perimenopausal, and it is a very bad combination with a teen pushing boundaries and not considering future consequences of her actions.

Almost all of my friends with teenage kids have had issues, many parents are now in therapy. These are very well educated parents with many advantages, none of them rich but with no money issues. Some of the teens have really bad problems - mental health, school refusal, questioning gender identity - others, like mine, are just a bit wild. The hardest issue for me is a lack of, a loss of, control. I could not have imagined this is how it would feel to have a teen child.

Yes. You do have to try to look after your mental health. I am having counselling which is really helping. It doesn’t change the reality of what my teenager is going through but it is helping me understand that it won’t be forever and stop blaming myself for it.
I was a very confident parent of little ones and that has changed now they are teenagers. My middle child is autistic, and there has been a knock on effect on the others which it can be hard not to feel guilty about.
The surprise is how many of our friends are going through similar. Some much worse. Sometimes we cheer ourselves up by listing the problems our teens DON’T have. ‘They’re not on drugs! They don’t have anorexia! None of them are violent! At least ds1 goes to school SOMETIMES!’
CAMHS are hopeless, our best support has come from social workers.
Our school is not horrible (though not perfect either) but as someone who thrived in the school system I am finally beginning to understand how much harm is done by the one size fits all nature of it, the expectation that young people will all develop the right skills by the right age to do what is expected of them when they are expected to do it. Particularly with the pandemic having messed with their development during a few crucial years.

I'm off work today with a stress migraine due to worry about DS who is essentially refusing school now due to severe social anxiety. I'm sure my work are pissed off which makes me even more stressed.

Parenting teens is the hardest stage of parenting imo. And we only ever heard about support for new mums...which there should be obviously, but personally I think parents of teens probably need more support.

Definitely more support is needed for parents during the teen years. Just had a phone call from my DD college saying she's struggling - it never ends!! Am beginning to hate my life and is not the way I thought it would be. My daughter was the type of kid that was always well behaved and I never had to worry about her if she went to a friends house, now I'm embarrassed as I know no other parents wouldn't want their "thriving" children hanging about with her - very sad! I have a few friends who have troubled teens and it's a comfort talking to them but there are others who's kids seem very well adjusted teens and I wish it was mine.

Speak to young minds call their helpline to let it out
Access or set up a support group locally? Ask school for help? They could arrange a facilitator
Do mindful activities for you craft exercise choir whatever , sounds glib but taking action for our own m h is important

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/

Thank you for that. I think accessing young minds chat would benefit me atm.

I'm afraid to say it gets no better when they turn into adults. Mine are 19/21/22 the 19 year old moved out and lives 200 miles away, I often get calls and messages saying how she can't cope being so far away from home, she suffers with depression so needs a lot of support. The other two are still with me and they too have bad mental health. One works the other doesn't. I feel like my life is on hold until they have all moved out and made lives for themselves. I'm 39 so still young but honestly they have mentally aged me by about 20 years. I would hate to be a teen/Young adult navigating life in these times it's ruthless!

I have two other children under 10 and by the time they reach teenagers I think that might be me finished 💀