Have your teens effected your mental health?

[2girls76]

Just that! My mental health is at its worst because of struggling to cope with my teens behaviour and their mental health. The rollercoaster of emotions, constant worry and anxiety and the mum guilt is horrendous. Have accessed loads of support for them but nothing for myself. Did try antidepressants but I didn't need them, I wasn't depressed just so burnt out with dealing with my teen. Struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel and worried this might be our lives now.
So just wondering how everyone else copes and what help there is out there for parents?

This is me. I even quit by email but am stressing today.
To the other poster fantasising about a nervous breakdown... this is also where I am. I am freelance:self employed so don't get "signed off" but wish I could

Absolutely. DD2 had a mh breakdown in 2020, I nearly completely lost myself too looking after her. 4 years on she is still recovering. I am OK but not resilient any more. This followed from 5 years of continual issues from DD1 which are still somewhat ongoing.

I had counselling for 2 years, and have joined a choir which really helps.

Can I just say, I think there are very few who get through teenage and young adulthood without any traumatic episodes. I think people just don’t want to talk about it/ admit to it. @2girls76 You are not alone, it is sooo hard. Hang on in there, open up to people where you can, you’ll be surprised where others are struggling too. Sending strength

Yes I think it's perfectly normal that our mental health suffers at least a little during the teen years. Until recently I hadn't had a good night's sleep in years and often relying on sleeping pills to cope. DD is 19 now and getting better (ADHD with panic disorder) but I'm still scared to answer the phone to her in case there's yet another "emergency". Leaving school and starting work full time has been amazing for DD although it got worse before it got better. She now has colleagues and her boss to get guidance from and it doesn't all fall on me. I'm trying to take a step back and not get involved in her problems (many self-created) but it's tough. I've never suffered from stress or anxiety in my life prior to this and I'm sure it didn't help that the teenage years coincided with my peri symptoms starting. It does get better and in the meantime it's just about finding something to keep you going (in my case friends and wine).

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom and kindness, It makes such a difference to hear other peoples struggles to realise I'm not alone and lots of virtual hand holding through this will hopefully keep me sane. Yep, menopausal woman here too which definitely doesn't help but I'm taking supplements to hopefully help me with that. Friends and wine definitely help and I am very lucky to have 2 friends in my life that have been my rocks with no judgement or parent blaming.

I don’t think anyone would expect it to be magically better at 18 but there is a lot of brain development still to come up to the mid 20s and a lot of people report their difficult children maturing greatly in the early 20s after they have just about given up hope.
It’s obviously very variable and some people will struggle all their lives but ime most people who are having a hard time with their teenagers are not still doing so 10 years later.

Agreed. Parenting from teen age upwards is basically being an on-call therapist. I love being their rock but it is exhausting. There have been times I have to take a deep breath and summon up the energy to be empathetic because I’m not on top form myself that day and they have no idea.

I sympathise 💐
The everyday stress definitely takes its toll.
Our DS17 has been a nightmare since he was 15.
I thought it would have got better by now, but it seems to be getting even worse as time goes on.
We love him very much, but equally, most of the time we can really hate him.

I would never have dreamt I would ever say that about my own child.

I am completely and utterly broken. I have 2 teens, 1 with complex MH issues and 1 with ADHD/OCD. It is exhausting and I just feel overwhelmed all the time. I have no advice but just wanted to say you're not alone.

Thank you. That sounds tough. Hope it gets easier for you very soon!!

The sense of timing of having teenagers whilst going through the menopause is impeccable. Just as you are falling apart so are they.

What I have also found is the lack of friends, by that I mean when they were babies and toddlers we had loads of toddler groups, baby massage, baby sign and sing, I was never at home during the day, afterwards there was lunches and play dates. Then everyone went off to primary school, by high school very few have stayed in touch and when we do get together it’s a boast fest, oh so and so is off to this uni, so and so is travelling around Europe which I am genuinely pleased for but when your news is DD has finally got her appointment for a psychiatrist no one really asks you how she is or what she’s doing (housebound for 2 years due to anxiety, depression and OCD).

Does anyone else find this? Even family will ask, is DD starting driving lessons? What the DD who cannot leave the house that will be no! People just forget or just don’t get it?!

Absolutely!! It's a massive boast fest for some people and all I can think is I don't want to talk about how badly my kid is doing. I even found people (family/friends) who knew my daughter had to move schools and was struggling with school work, all texted me/her to find out about her GCSES - these people don't even text her on her birthday. It can be very disheartening but there are a few people we are lucky to have in our lives that understand. Usually the ones that are going through thins themselves

There is a good thread; a friendly handhold for mums of teenagers on here.

fab support on there and no judgment.

do join

Thank you

I get people basically refusing to believe me - ‘oh, YOUR kids will be fine’ - because dh and I were both academic and thrived at school. No, that’s not how it works, you don’t get automatically awarded GCSEs just because your parents got As, you still have to go to school and sit the exams….

Tbh I find the boastfest doesn’t bother me- rather to my surprise I have discovered I have it in me to be genuinely thrilled about the big achievements, someone’s else’s kid getting a place at Cambridge or being selected for the National Youth Orchestra or a county level sports team. What makes me wince is the every day stuff, the proms and driving tests and things that every teenager is expected to do. The day everyone else was starting in the sixth form and ds had got an email the day before saying they weren’t going to take him after all [they did in the end, after some meetings] - that hurt.

I’m a mess parenting a teen daughter. I hate it. I ducking hate it. Cos I’m worried about her and for her and regret putting myself and her in this position by having her.

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom
I'm with you.
If I didn't have younger DS I would have certainly run away by now.
I am not meant for this parenting teen shit and being grey rock etc.
I just don't have it in me....

Massively affected it. I'm on edge constantly wondering what's next.
I posted on preteens about the moods I'm subjected too but reading these threads makes me think I haven't scratched the surface yet.
No body warns you about this, like another poster yet, so much anti/post natal support yet very little for the teen years.

I'm struggling too. I've been raising 3 teens for the last 7 years, and it's broken me, I feel dead inside.
I can't even talk about it to anyone anymore, I can't find the words, and I'm mentally exhausted

Know what you mean. I've only gone through it with one so far but the shock of his bad it's been hits me on a daily basis.
Yesterday we went (with her 13 year old sister) to all get our hair done and had suck a nice time went for dinner. They both thanked me for a lovely day, then the older one went to stay at her low life friends house again and the worry and anxiety starts all over again. Not sure I can go through it all again with 13 year old but don't really have a choice. Luckily she does have nicer friends and isn't so easily led so hoping she might be a little easier.

Honestly they’re all different.You can’t assume because one is hard that you are in for many more years of it with younger siblings.

True

I remember talking to a woman on holiday, next sunbed to me. She was with her 17 year old daughter and saw me battling with my 13 year old.
She said pick your battles but more importantly remember self care, teens will wear to down until submission so focus on your wellbeing. I remember her words ...it helped me feel I was t the other one going through it.

Also this.
I wish I hadn’t had the poor things.

It's hard to see the future and the positive aspects of grown up children. The teen years seem to last so long,