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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Have your teens effected your mental health?

150 replies

2girls76 · 07/02/2024 15:09

Just that! My mental health is at its worst because of struggling to cope with my teens behaviour and their mental health. The rollercoaster of emotions, constant worry and anxiety and the mum guilt is horrendous. Have accessed loads of support for them but nothing for myself. Did try antidepressants but I didn't need them, I wasn't depressed just so burnt out with dealing with my teen. Struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel and worried this might be our lives now.
So just wondering how everyone else copes and what help there is out there for parents?

OP posts:
Hbradley · 13/02/2024 20:39

its really refreshing to hear all these stories. Like I think someone said already, it’s hard to talk to other parents in real life about teens problems as you feel like you’re breaking child’s trust.

Icantbedoingwithit · 13/02/2024 20:40

Absolutely! Near destroyed me. Coming out other end now though thankfully but I am still mentally scarred.

HeraSyndulla · 13/02/2024 20:42

No, just my wealth.

myphoneisbroken · 13/02/2024 21:14

It is very hard. I love my DC beyond measure (as we all do) but they are away this week and life is so much simpler and I do feel a lot lighter. It is making me realise how their low mood/energy is rubbing off on me.

myphoneisbroken · 13/02/2024 21:15

I agree that a lot of parents are struggling but putting on a good show to the outside world. When I've shared what is going on with my DC, people have often seemed really relieved and then shared how their own (outwardly fine) DC are also struggling.

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 13/02/2024 21:22

Lockdown with the two of them (and no support) nearly killed me. Literally.

I will say though, now they are a little older (18+) and more independent, things are a lot better.

Partly due to the fact that they are mostly doing well and are more easy to be around some of the time. Partly because I really did make some drastic changes when I hit rock bottom, and am managing my own emotions much better than before.

Hang in there, I hope it gets better for you too Flowers

LostFrog · 13/02/2024 21:29

Yes. I feel overwhelming sadness for the loss of the little boys they once were, and guilt that I could somehow have avoided it had I been a better mother. The burden of it stops me ever feeling completely happy. And I’m not even menopausal! (Yet)

cocktailanddreams · 13/02/2024 22:14

I think it's been spoke to like a turd on a shoe, like it's a given right for teenagers to speak to parents like that

waterrat · 14/02/2024 11:50

@AquariusAquarius wow you are bang on the nail - I think society isn't quite taking on board how challenging it is to be a parent to the tech generation

These kids have grown up with a total loss of street play/freedom /autonomy - been swamped and overloaded with digital tech and the online world - they are hyper anxious, stressed and have no autonomy or safe spaces to go to - youth clubs/ streets with no cars etc as previous generations had

Trinity69 · 14/02/2024 11:53

Absolutely, but more so when they weren’t teens! My 14 year old is AuDHD with PDA, Tourette’s and anxiety. His mental health is always paramount. My daughter (12) is ADHD and has recently starting school refusing (although not every day) and having been through the same with my son in primary school I’m on tenterhooks all the time that she’s just going to quit altogether and I’ll have to quit work or go through the whole fight with school again about meeting her needs. I’m exhausted just thinking about it!

waterrat · 14/02/2024 11:54

@Astridastro totally. My youngest is autistic and this has imapcted my older boy who is just entering teens - he hates secondary school and I get really down when people go 'oh wow so and so is just loving high school' - bleurgh it is just really hard to hear. Both my chlidren have massive issues with school and of course as a parent - I love them and want them to be happy so it just weighs on me

the comments here as well about their low mood getting us down - I totally agree but also see the huge fucking failure of a society where children and young people are depressed and sad in such vast numbers

Teenmum32024 · 01/09/2024 23:46

I know this is a few months down the line. But I’m sure you still have the same teens in the house.

I feel for you. It’s hard. I am a strong, resilient, positive women. But I have been broken down. My 19 year old has come through the other side which gives me hope. It twin 16 year olds. The amount of hate I get. It’s like being in a narcissistic abusive relationship. Nice when want to and nasty other time.

i think alot of women have had their kids later too. So also going through menopause. Which adds to the challenge.

let this pass. And quickly.

selfcare. Escape. Walk away. Don’t engage. Mantra mantra mantra :)

ProvincialLady2024 · 02/09/2024 00:03

If I'd know how hard it would be. How much worry, anxiety and fear - I wouldn't have had child be at all.

Threebutterflies24 · 02/09/2024 00:08

Yes me. I have been contemplating only this last few hours about either going to social services or my gp and telling them how bad it is at home . I’m already on anti depressants though so they won’t do anything. It’s fucking shit .

Threebutterflies24 · 02/09/2024 00:11

@Teenmum32024

selfcare. Escape. Walk away. Don’t engage. Mantra mantra mantra :)

great advice . I’m trying to think of ways I can escape the abuse / bullying

MorrisseyGladioli · 02/09/2024 00:12

Yes, my mental health has taken a severe battering.

It feels as if it's now "him or me", as there is nobody really to give a crap, certainly not the school.

I'm constantly exhausted and stressed, waiting g for the next thing.

And there always is one.

Trumpetoftheswan2 · 02/09/2024 00:17

Glad yo have found this thread. My teens aren't going through all of what people on this thread describe, but the never-ending anxiety about are they okay, what will the future hold grinds me down.

Now WFH 100% (not from choice) and the 24/7 of it is exhausting and appalling for my. Mental health.

Teenmum32024 · 02/09/2024 00:25

Hold in there. We are broken by the end of the summer holidays… Now they will be offloading their pending anxiety of going back to school or college too.

Its a shit show rollercoaster x

lavenderlou · 02/09/2024 00:28

Yes, autistic DD suffers from severe anxiety and EBSA. I'm her safe person and she is so dependent on me. I've been supporting her the best I can for two years, as well as battling with school but have got to the end of my tether. The worst thing is I know I'm not always giving her what she needs so then I feel so guilty.

Meadowfinch · 02/09/2024 01:56

Maybeicanhelpyou · 07/02/2024 22:14

If I had my time again, I wouldn’t have children.

So sorry that you feel that way.

Meadowfinch · 02/09/2024 02:06

cocktailanddreams · 13/02/2024 22:14

I think it's been spoke to like a turd on a shoe, like it's a given right for teenagers to speak to parents like that

Not in our house.

If DS insults me, I don't cook his food or wash his clothes, he gets no pocket money, his phone gets no credit and the router disappears.

I require very little except a basic please or thank you.

Oddly, we get on well. I ask his opinion and in return he doesn't take the Mick because he knows I won't blink first. It can be exhausting but it works. DS is NT so we are lucky in that respect.

treacledan71 · 02/09/2024 02:22

Sorry for everyone going through this. I have loved the summer hols of no stress of getting DS who is 17 but emotional needs to go to school and starts again tomorrow. He doesn't go out except school and has a taxi. Can feel me having dizzy spells already. His sleep has been awful over the hols so might not get up despite me trying to say don't stay up all night. He is very controlling. Luckily he goes to a specialist school and they understand. I need to go in the office a lot next few weeks so even harder to make sure he is up before i go. Some days will some days won't. I am really going to try and not get upset this year. Its out of my hands but easier said than done. DH starts work at 7am so can't always help. Going to try and enjoy if I can the next year as I dont think he will be doing anything when leaves next year. People judging does not help either or giving opinions on how they would do things. I also have thoughts that life would be easier without him but obviously love him lots.

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 02/09/2024 03:42

Meadowfinch · 02/09/2024 02:06

Not in our house.

If DS insults me, I don't cook his food or wash his clothes, he gets no pocket money, his phone gets no credit and the router disappears.

I require very little except a basic please or thank you.

Oddly, we get on well. I ask his opinion and in return he doesn't take the Mick because he knows I won't blink first. It can be exhausting but it works. DS is NT so we are lucky in that respect.

Show quote history

You said he doesn't speak to you rudely then went on to tell us what happens when he does. Which is it?

Chrysanthemum5 · 02/09/2024 04:04

I'm pleased I found this thread! I'm up at 4am trying to calm down DD who has been out of school for 18 months but is due to start online school tomorrow. She is almost 17 and autistic and I am her safe space.

I've just had 5 months off work as the cumulative effect of 6 years of school avoidance and problems with sleeping, eating etc wore me down.

And she was excited about online school and I thought it was a good option. But she's been awake all night and I've been up for an hour texting her as she tells me she's too scared and can't I find a school where they send her work and she never has to speak to anyone. She won't talk face to face and I'm exhausted.

I hope some of you at least are having an easier start to school

treacledan71 · 02/09/2024 06:40

Chrysanthemum5 you have it in one. It is very mentally exhausting. Hope it goes OK.

I have thought the same as Boomboomshakeshaketheroom; Meadowfinch which one?
I was going to respond to your post when I did my other post in the early hours as I thought it was a bit patronising but was not sure if you were trying to be helpful. Don't you think we have all tried the ways you have said. I assume NT means normal teenager. Obviously this thread is for people whose kids have needs.