Have your teens effected your mental health?

[2girls76]

Just that! My mental health is at its worst because of struggling to cope with my teens behaviour and their mental health. The rollercoaster of emotions, constant worry and anxiety and the mum guilt is horrendous. Have accessed loads of support for them but nothing for myself. Did try antidepressants but I didn't need them, I wasn't depressed just so burnt out with dealing with my teen. Struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel and worried this might be our lives now.
So just wondering how everyone else copes and what help there is out there for parents?

@treacledan71 NT means neuro typical, as opposed to ND neuro diverse which covers ASD and also ADHD, dyspraxia etc.

Hope online school works.

Thanks for explaining. My son actually attends a school! Well sometimes!. Take care of yourself.

Meadowfinch. Apologies I got NT wrong.

Same boat here. Absolutely breaking under the horror that is teen mental health difficulties.
DS14 having an absolute shocker since COVID. Due back to school, the chances of him going are slim to none. Diagnosed ADHD but meds don’t seem to help him at all, he says they make no difference at all.
Has barely left the house all summer, we are all so desperate to fix him and get back to being a happy, healthy lad. Nothing we do seems to help.
The longer it goes on, the more ‘other’ he feels which just makes everything worse for him. All he wants is to be like everyone else…..

I feel broken. Comforting to know we are not alone.

Courage and strength to us all

Yes @TISSHA I feel broken as well. I've had to go back to work as my sick leave ran out and everyone keeps saying I must reduce my stress but that's not possible when I have no control over how my daughter is feeling.

Anyway she didn't go to the assembly today so doubt she will go to the online school. Money down the drain and I'm so sad and exhausted I could just cry

Schools are causing a mental health crisis in our kids

Sorry to you both. It really hard

Struggled to get my very anxious dd to go to school - would carefully coax and persuade, then she'd get there and instead of recognising the huge effort, some dozy bloody teacher would bitch about the length of her skirt or the very discreet nose stud she was wearing. And back to square one. Sometimes schools really do have their priorities arse about face!
We were counting the days till the end of GCSEs. Am hoping college is better.
It's true that you are only as happy as your unhappiest child.

@Chrysanthemum5 did she make the online classes?

DS not in, can’t really explain how I’m feeling right now. Empty, scared, sad and just so so desperate for this to be over, but knowing it won’t be. No idea what to do next. He simply cannot cope. There is just no point in forcing him (seeing as he’s bigger than me it would be a struggle anyway) as it would just end in disaster and a worsening of his mental health, plus reinforcing in his head that He Is Rubbish.

You’re so right; we have no control over how they are feeling, and that is directly related to how we then feel. Hugs and hoping you had a better day than me.

My DD missed all of y11. The world didn't end. 2 years at college, a year out for work experience and continued work on mh, and returning to college on Wednesday.

DM used to say that years ago because of all the worry and I thought what a horrible thing to say....fast forward to having my own DC and I feel guilty of sometimes thinking this myself.

@Vettrianofan I do feel guilty. But of course I love them dearly and do everything for them. But the emotional energy required, time, finances, toll on other relationships etc…..Is endless and thankless. I feel like I just want to be me, and I’m not

@TISSHA she didn't go to the online classes and I'm ashamed to say I lost my temper. I calmed down and apologised and I realised we were all hoping she'd go from not being in school to full on lessons immediately and that's bonkers. So I've asked her if we can take it slowly and I'll tell the online school she will not be doing live lessons for a few weeks. It may not work but it feels like a better plan.

I just panicked today as I imagined another year of her not leaving the house or being in school. And that may still happen but I'm feeling calmer

Thank you to everyone on this thread for offering your circumstances and sharing

And I know we are incredibly lucky that we can afford online school and it makes me so angry that she's been out of school for 18 months from when she was 15 and no one has checked if she's ok. No one from the council, or her old school, or the education department.

Hi all. Sorry we all feel crap. You are great moms remember that. Great news Teendivided. DS stayed awake all day which is good but I knew dropping off so banged door to say have a bath now saying he wide awake. Really arsey. Saying not going as I was rude. God knows if will go tomorrow.

I definitely get it, it's draining emotionally. My eldest has had us through the wringer with huge amounts of stress. Then when it seems things are on the up, we get hit with another bombshell. I just hope that there are better days (preferably before all my hair goes white!).

And @TISSHA sorry you also had a rough day. At least we are not alone though in finding things so tough.

And if one more parent of an NT teenager says I should try something totallly obvious (that of course we've tried) I will scream. And I may punch then but I think that's entirely acceptable

I'm in, at the end of my rope. Mine's 18! Yep the guilt is horrendous, plus being made to feel guilty, constantly wondering the right thing to say or not to say and then getting it wrong. I looked at the Parenting Mental Health site that has been mentioned on MN that made me feel worse! The course just made me feel 'Just try harder' and People talking about having to give up work/cut hours - I've only recently gone back to FT work since having kids & being home at the moment it's not my safe place! Thinking of you all.

@TeenDivided ; it is always so good to hear a positive outcome, I’m so pleased that it all worked out well, it gives me some hope.

@Chrysanthemum5 ; think we are leading parallel lives, it’s so hard isn’t it? I absolutely know that feeling of utter panic when they won’t go/do it and the overwhelming fear of the implications of it all. For me, I think the anger comes from being so damn scared of his future. Finding so much comfort to know we are not alone.

@duvet - I too find all the ‘resources’ overwhelming to the point of being totally unhelpful. Everyone suggests websites and ‘signposts’, but I’ve not found a single one helpful; just the same information over and over again. Guess I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist - which is someone to tell me in words of one syllable how to fix him and make him happy again 😔

@treacledan71 hope today goes ok and he makes it in. We’ll all be rooting for you both this morning, keeping everything crossed

Hi all. Just a quick message. He did go but not sure if was because was up all night so was awake. We will see tomorrow. Other half sorting him tomorrow as I am.in the office I agree some courses they ask you to go on or therapy make u feel worse. I got asked once do I ask what is wrong! I was on tenterhooks all morning though when was getting ready as if I said the wrong thing he was sating wld not go.

@treacledan71 hope things go ok tomorrow

@TISSHA I too want an answer as to how to make things better. And I want the experts to stop giving me shit advice that just makes things worse. Such as telling us we had to be tough with DD the result of that was then literally dragging her out of the car in the school car park. It makes me feel so awful when I think how scared she must have been.

I'll go back and finish reading the comments, but yes, it's so hard. Take me back to the toddlers and sleepless newborn days/nights. I would never want to be without my beautiful humans, and have spent some v scary traumatic times on the brink of that possibility. You can't ever prepare yourself for that, but in addition to that, somehow it can't ever be about you (I mean me, actually). I still don't know how i can ever articulate that, and only those who've been there would possibly understand. I'm through the worst with the oldest (I hope) and preparing for possibility of round two with the next. I go from muttering under my breath about mess in the bathroom, crumbs in the kitchen and "stuff" everywhere, to the feeling of guilt about not just "letting the little things go" enough, and "choosing my battles". My standards have never been lower 😂 I just hope it's like the toddler years and it'll be over in a flash 🤦‍♀️

Also, now I've RTFTT i realise this was revived on the dawn of the new school term... or the end of the long hot wet and cloudy summer! I'm looking forward to a routine again, and appreciate the need to include my needs into my plan. Put the mask on Mums. Make sure your needs are met, to give you a better chance to support your young people, with a full bucket, so to speak. Do something entirely for you.

@Proseccoh totally relate to the ‘pick your battle’ mantra!

I struggle though because of the disparity between the way the older kids were raised vs how we are having to parent our youngest. The rules of engagement are totally different because they have to be right now. It is hard for the others to grasp and it is causing feelings of unfairness.

It does cause big issues and resentment for the siblings; one in particular hated academics, scraped through GCSE’s and A levels with pretty mediocre grades; his saving grace was his robust mental health, good humour and strong, healthy friendships throughout. He is definitely resentful of the fact his brother just…..misses school. All the time. Because he doesn’t want to go. Drives him nuts and then we have the added stress of trying to manage his feelings and emotions about it all.

And those feelings are just as valid. It IS unfair, or rather unequal. But I remind him always that the person who MOST wants this whole sorry situation to be different is poor DS who is living so miserably. That’s all he wants; to have friends, and not panic, and just to be happy and normal like everyone else, going to school and arsing about being a teenager. And that is a million miles away from him right now and he has to live with knowing that every day…...

@Chrysanthemum5 - feeling relief that you also question some of the expert advice you’re given, which adds another layer of doubting and second guessing to every single action you take. I think we’ve all got horrific memories of dragging them in, it’s burned in my brain. But I have made peace with the mistakes I’ve made (and am making) - I remind myself that I was doing what I thought was best at the time and that I have learned what not to do, even if I don’t know what TO do! And that the key thing is to keep moving forward, not regretting things that have passed.

And breathe…….🙂