Thanks @TISSHA - sorry i never noticed your post earlier on. Yes, i quite amazed myself getting through that time tbh - esp as at that time i had 5 kids - ranging from 3 yrs old to 17yrs, and one of my other DS has autism with cognitive disability too (ironically he himself has been a dream to parent though i did have a fair few battles with school staff over support; another story!)
I do have a great DH though and i think, when that happened with DS1, initially we both must have gone into a shock reaction as we were so calm. He was in hosp for 2 months having reconstruction on his foot.
But the toughest time of all was when he came home with no MH support at all. His behaviour was very concerning; he was doing some weird religious stuff and of course with that schizophrenia mention, we were worried sick. Locking the door at night and removing the key. The psychiatrist at the hosp had told us he was not suicidal but that did not put my mind at rest one bit!
Of course this is how i spent my teen years with a suicidal mum; just could not believe it was all happening again. He wasn't depressed, his behaviour was more bizarre. He didnt drink or do drugs at all. We had 18 months very extreme worry. Then, when he met the online partner he did seem to stabilise a lot.
As i said before, once he left home, life was soooo much more relaxed and of course i had 4 others to busy myself with.
DS 1 has been with his current partner 5 years and lived away so long now, he's a proper adult with his own family so we don't worry about him at all. He's really settled down but i think he is probably autistic spectrum and under stress, could act oddly again. He never self harmed again to my knowledge (and hadn't done prior either)
There was just no warning obvious, even in hindsight. He did his paper round as normal that morning. When we saw him in hosp later than day he was calm as anything, laughed and said "oh yeah, i think i was trying to kill myself"
He repeated much the same thing to the psychiatrists. To this day, we (and he!) don't know what went on in his head that day. Thank goodness he didn't end up with life long disability or brain damage. Or dead of course.
We have had a subsequent incident with DD2 last year when she took 8 paracetamol. But nowhere near the worry of DS 1. She was crying straight away, saying she'd made a silly mistake and she'd never do it again. It was school stress. Now she has left school, she is happier already. We are waiting on a private autism asst for her as she struggled with the social aspect of high school, not the academic.
I will say to all of you struggling - parenting is MUCH harder now than it was 20 years ago when DD1 went to high school. Esp since Covid. I blame social media and poor discipline in schools. DD1 sailed through, no make up, no phone. Easy. Same school as DD2 but it's a different ball game now.
Even i have become a bit of a helicopter parent to DD2 as i have more time on my hands. DD1, eldest of 5 grew up without my noticing really! Fully capable, mature and independent by 18. She was very mentally stable always.
So, let's not blame ourselves at all. This is a combo of genetics and modern life.