DS 14 has had sex-i'm quietly freaking out

[Lambbaba281]

What do I do?

He's year 10, been with his GF since the summer. She's 15, he's 15 in a few weeks.

We had LOTS of conversations with him as soon as they started dating, covered every topic including WAITING until they were 16. That part has fallen on deaf ears.

He's told DH that they've done it. He used a condom.

Where do I go from here? It happened under our roof (when dh was at work and I was walking the dog).

I've not said a word, as far as he knows, I don't know anything.

It's so ironic, I'm eye rolling at my past self. He was born with one testicle and another problem which needed corrective surgery when he was younger. I worried myself sick that this would affect his relationships. We did a lot of work on his self confidence, we talked openly and honestly about finding the right person and it not being an issue etc. I now think we went too far.

He's 14!!

If people are quoting the law, they should only quote from UK government websites, not international websites' interpretation/Americanisation of our legal system.

Teens under 16 having sex is nothing new- loads of us were doing it in the '90s. Doesn't make it right but there's so much hysteria on this thread. Make sure they are using contraception (including condoms) and he understands the ramifications- diseases, pregnancy.

Also worth a good chat about consent and his understanding of it, sharing nudes (illegal, even if they're his own), respect etc.

Condoms are only 98% safe so for every 50 shags 1 will theoretically result in a pregnancy, so it’s important she gets herself onto the pill asap.

Not to mention relying on an excited child to use them correctly.

I wouldn't want my or my child's future hinging on that.

What “register” are you talking about? So many people on this thread using words which are at best outdated and often totally irrelevant to the UK (see also statutory rape and pressing charges). There’s no social services “register” and they wouldn’t be interested at all in intervening in this situation unless one of the children made a direct complaint saying they did not consent, at which point they may co-work with the police on an ABE interview, but unlikely to be any follow up even in that case.

That's really important. Strictly speaking sending each other nude photos, even if they have consented to receive them is illegal. It's a crime to take, make, share or keep an indecent photo or video of a child under 18. The only exception is when 16 or 17 year olds take intimate photos with a spouse or partner and they're not shared with anyone else. "Partner" means a far more committed relationship than 2 underage teenagers still living with their parents.

@Itsmychristmasdress

i can't say too much as the kids involved are not mine, but they were 15, had consensual sex. Sometime later (about a year) her mother was furious & convinced her to go to the police & say she'd been raped. They were still together as a couple. It was not long before Covid & so he's had to wait a long time for the court case, which turned into a complete farce.

he's just had his 19th birthday in a youth offenders prison. He suffers from stree, anxiety etc (and was in the process of getting a diagnosis of ADHD, aspergers, something) He was on medication that was helping him loads, but they won't get it for him, so he's in a bad place. Hes a nice kid, but in a total mess now!

2 consenting 15 year olds. It's a real nightmare. She tells everyone she wanted sex with him, her mother says otherwise.

The "statutory rape" stuff is not correct. The girl is older than 13 and if she consented it is not rape. If she didn't consent, then it's rape.

It is correct in the country the poster previously explained she lived in.

True. However, teenage pregnancy stats don’t lie. They’ve halved and are the lowest since records began in the 1960s. Consent has been a major issue and once consent is key, contraception has played a role. Compared with the past, children in general are thinking more before having sex.

I can guarantee no one is being prosecuted or going on the SO register of the sex was consensual.

Surely the point is consensual is a subjective term and a lot of 14/15 year olds girls "consent" because they are talked into it by a boyfriend. Its not always "enthusiastic" consent.

What are you talking about ?
I my family there are 4 generations of women being sexually active before 16;
Dd ( now 17) had sex just before she was 15 at a party, consenually, they used condoms. I then encouraged her to get the implant. She has had boyfriends since then her current biyfriend for 18 months, she did well in her GCSEs , doing 3 A-levels, jas a job outside interests, seems fine .

I had sex a few weeks off my 16th birthday (1990)- went on to to have many subsequent relationships, an education, a career, happy marriage and 2 children.

My DM had sex with her BF @ 15 ( 1969) went on to have other relationships, went to teacher training college, qualified, met my Dad married ( for 51 years) three children still very happy.

My GM met my GF @ 14, I very much doubt they waited until they married @ 21 (1935). They were married 65 years, 4 children very happy.

Just how does having sex at 14/15 mess you up ?

Doesn't make it a criminal offence either. Out of interest why is it the girl who would be talked into it ?

Because it is MN. It has to be the boy that is at fault. Even if the girl is a little (as in this case) or a lot older.

This is just farcical.

I find it weird this desire on MN to terrify parents that are asking for support.

In fairness, when I was 13/14, it was more likely to be the boy my age pushing for sexual stuff. Was the same for my friends too. As for sex, idk. I only dated older boys / men from 15.

There isnt though. It's not mentioned in the sexual offences act.

If she tells everyone she consented then there is NO WAY he was prosecuted for this. Why are you making things up?

Make sure he understands condoms are not 100 percent safe. People can still get pregnant using a condom.

@RowanMayfair I agree, to what end is that story concocted?

And then pretending that the pretend kid in pretend youth offenders is being withheld pretend essential medication.

MN is an excellent resource to get help and as parents we often need help and somewhere to discuss things. I am really interested to know why it brings out such responses.

Ah yes because telling teenagers what not to do always results in them not doing it lol. Have you ever met a teenager? Do you not remember being one?

That's not how Pearl indexes work. There's a 98% likelihood of her staying unpregnant during a year of perfect use.

I wouldn't recommend the Pill, it quadruples her risk of stroke. Having emergency contraception on standby would be wise whilst she discusses with Brook what her least-risky non-barrier contraceptive option is.

The term "statutory rape" isn't used to describe sex with an under-thirteen year old but in practice that's what is being described. Statutory rape refers to sex that is automatically deemed rape because of the victim's age, so the victim cannot consent nor can the perp claim not to have known that the victim was underage.

So a child who doesn't come home from school one day and turns off their mobile phone so can't be location tracked, how are the parents going to be "in charge of that child's whereabouts" that evening?

There comes a point in every child's life where, to some extent, the parents are parenting by consent.