How much driving around of teenagers do you do?

[ColouringPencils]

Trying to decide if I am being moody or if I deserve a break!

I have two teens. Older one does fewer activities and mainly gets herself about. I give her a couple of lifts a week. She's fine!

The younger is 13 and most weeks has an activity 3 week nights, plus Saturday morning and Saturday evening. Two nights plus Saturday AM are for the sport he plays. He trains for 2 hours, so I drop him off, go home, pick up. It feels like it takes over my whole evening. Then he goes to a youth group one night and Scouts another night. These both last two hours too, so I can't hang around then either. I do usually share lifts with another parent for these.

In the context of him having three hobbies, I don't think it sounds that bad. Also one of the sports sessions is him volunteer coaching, which counts towards his Duke of Edinburgh award.

On top of this he will get the bus from school to the gym and ask me to collect him once or twice a week. I also take him to the gym on Sunday. This has only been since the summer when our local leisure centre closed. He used to walk to the gym, so I feel bad saying no to that. We also live very near a park and he goes there a lot, although less so when it is dark in the evening. At the moment he can still get an hour or so in after school and often meets friends there on the nights he doesn't go to the gym (ie before he goes out to other activity), as well as both Saturday and Sunday for several hours. Every couple of weeks he has a match with school, but he gets the public bus home from those, unless another parent offers him a lift. He also does a couple of after-school clubs and gets the bus home.

This weekend he has two extra, fun activities, that I had already said I can take him to. This will take up Friday night and Saturday afternoon (on top of the usual Saturday morning and Saturday evening!). He has just asked about a third extra activity, where I would also have to pick up other kids, and I feel murderous!

For context, I work full time and DH is both unwell and unable to drive, so all the lifts are on me.

Now that I have typed this all out I feel absolutely sure IANBU and also that he is doing way too much stuff. Is anyone else in the same boat? Help?

None at all. We don’t have a car. DC make their own way to their activities, or we might go together on public transport.

Do you live rurally?

I am a single parent so the only one who can give lifts but live in the suburbs so taxis, E-scooter hire and buses are available.

We live rurally so school run daily plus activities plus going out with friends. Our choice to live where we do so have to suck it up

Mine has a bus pass and gets himself to all the ones he can.

I didn't drive until my eldest went to secondary. Perhaps I have over-compensated. We are in an urban area, but it would genuinely be difficult for him to get to the activities I drive him to by bus. I expect him to get the bus home from school activities, even though most parents seem to pick up from these (when they are too late for the school bus).

Yanbu, of course.

it made a big difference to Sunday afternoons when we got DS1 a bike so he could cycle to sport. But it’s a safe route, 2 miles of towpath. Could he cycle to anything?

About the same as you! It’s not forever and it’s what my parents did for me

I take DS2 to and from swim training everyday apart from Sunday. Unless he has a swimming gala then I take him to and from that which also includes a Sunday so thats 2 journeys every day for him.

I take DS1 to his apprenticeship every morning as he would have to get up very early to get the bus there whereas its only a 10 minute car journey. He gets the bus back though because that clashes with DS2s swimming.

So 3 journeys per day.

DS2 could walk but we don't live in the nicest area there have been stabbings etc so I would rather drive him.

Does he have a bike? Could he not cycle to some of them?

I think it’s fine to say no to the third thing this weekend (or yes only if some other parent does the lifts or they can make buses work)

Mine are still pre-teens... but DD1 just needs one lift most weeks (20 miles to the next city) whereas DD2 ms hobbies have ended up the other side of town (which we live outside of in a village). We will probably need to drive her until she's 16 at least for pick ups as it would take over an hour on the bus. Although DH has got around the hanging around for sport problem by becoming a coach!

It would be great if more could be done by public transport but it just isn't available. Bit different to my London teenhood!

Not too bad for us as we are lucky enough to live in London.

Considering these appear to be activities he enjoys and are good for his health, I'd say that the more you help him, the better. Besides, you get to spend time with him
In the car which is great.
You'll miss some of this in 3-4 years time if he gets a car. Time flies by so quickly.
Does he take proper rest (sleep) with such a busy active schedule?
I'm assuming homework is not impacted in a negative way because that would be of concern.

He does have a bike, but would have to cycle on big city roads which he is not experienced doing and I would worry about. Plus it is dark, and it's not like I can't take him, I just feel it is a lot of my time.
Where we live, we are handy for buses into the centre, but all of his activities would require getting a second bus out again, which is not far away, just on a different route.

We used to do quite a bit, including picking one up from work at midnight/1am every Thursday Friday and Saturday night for the best part of a year.
It meant as soon as they both turned 17 we bought them both cars and paid for driving lessons until they passed 😂 now it’s fantastic and they’ve both picked me up from the pub too!

@Branster you are right that they are healthy activities that he enjoys. I don't know what he'd give up if he had to, and some of them he only goes to with one other friend, who might then feel they had to drop out too. We do often have nice chats in the car. Up until this term, I enjoyed this time spent together, but he's added a couple more activities and the leisure centre closing means he can't just pop to the gym any more. It just feels like it dominates my life right now and I am so tired. Maybe you are right that these years are short and I will miss it soon enough.

@TheChosenTwo he did say yesterday that he promised he would learn to drive as soon as he turned 17. Didn't seem to think I would be paying for it!

Sounds completely normal. I am on the road every evening, often to multiple locations, with my DC sports / activities.

Weekends are matches, so I'm out of the house all day

It's part of being a parent (I'm a single parent).

Maybe I need to get used to it then!

Lots. Lots and lots of driving.
Wait till the parties start; you'll be adding in middle of the night driving too!

However I am now seeing light at the end of the tunnel; one has their licence (but no car yet) and the other is learning to drive and looking for a job to start saving for a car.

Oh yes.

I didn't mind all the other driving but late night collections were impossible - they really were as I've 3 DC, couldn't leave the younger two to collect eldest.

She has to get lifts with others, but I am still awake listening for her ...

I don't feel I was sufficiently warned about this period in my life! Probably because I wasn't sport and mostly just went into town with my mates.

God all the bloody time!!! Still need lifts in their 20s as two have boomeranged, although the older one drives and has their own car. 3rd drives my car (oh how I hate sharing!!!!)

Very little. I grew up somewhere where I was dependent on lifts and hated it, so we decided to raise our children on the outskirts of a small town so they can walk everywhere. School, gym, swimming, cafes, shops, and all their friends houses are within 10-15 minutes walk. Fields and woodland nearby too. Buses to get them anywhere else. They are very independent.

I don’t truly love it here and we’ll move when they leave home but I will never regret making this move so they could have freedoms that I never had as a teenager.

I did similar for years (we do have two cars and both drive but both our teens were equally busy and needing lifts everywhere). We lift-shared where possible but were still out most evenings and weekend days. To be honest it was totally worth it for them to be so involved in their hobbies and friendships and I enjoyed being in the car with them all those hours. They are both still actively engaged in some of these sports as young adults for which I am very grateful.

I kind of miss it now they are a bit older and willingly spend all weekend taxiing DS about when he's home from uni - he uses public transport where he can but its extremely limited here. Back in the busy days I used to take my crochet with me and do it on poolsides, in car parks, cafes, wherever while waiting. I really enjoyed all the opportunities to chat to other parents too. Most of our activities were too far away to come home in between drop off and pickup.