How much driving around of teenagers do you do?

[ColouringPencils]

Trying to decide if I am being moody or if I deserve a break!

I have two teens. Older one does fewer activities and mainly gets herself about. I give her a couple of lifts a week. She's fine!

The younger is 13 and most weeks has an activity 3 week nights, plus Saturday morning and Saturday evening. Two nights plus Saturday AM are for the sport he plays. He trains for 2 hours, so I drop him off, go home, pick up. It feels like it takes over my whole evening. Then he goes to a youth group one night and Scouts another night. These both last two hours too, so I can't hang around then either. I do usually share lifts with another parent for these.

In the context of him having three hobbies, I don't think it sounds that bad. Also one of the sports sessions is him volunteer coaching, which counts towards his Duke of Edinburgh award.

On top of this he will get the bus from school to the gym and ask me to collect him once or twice a week. I also take him to the gym on Sunday. This has only been since the summer when our local leisure centre closed. He used to walk to the gym, so I feel bad saying no to that. We also live very near a park and he goes there a lot, although less so when it is dark in the evening. At the moment he can still get an hour or so in after school and often meets friends there on the nights he doesn't go to the gym (ie before he goes out to other activity), as well as both Saturday and Sunday for several hours. Every couple of weeks he has a match with school, but he gets the public bus home from those, unless another parent offers him a lift. He also does a couple of after-school clubs and gets the bus home.

This weekend he has two extra, fun activities, that I had already said I can take him to. This will take up Friday night and Saturday afternoon (on top of the usual Saturday morning and Saturday evening!). He has just asked about a third extra activity, where I would also have to pick up other kids, and I feel murderous!

For context, I work full time and DH is both unwell and unable to drive, so all the lifts are on me.

Now that I have typed this all out I feel absolutely sure IANBU and also that he is doing way too much stuff. Is anyone else in the same boat? Help?

We're on the edge of a small town too but by the time they were about 14 most of their sports were in further away, bigger towns with no buses evenings or Sundays.

Get saving up for driving lessons. My son used our Uber account or took local taxis if we wanted a night off. He missed his school bus when he was 12 and didn’t want to bother us so he started getting taxis on his own then! We didn’t know until a couple of years later. He had his own bank account and debit card so he just paid with that.

He is at Uni now and is very good at getting around the city on his own using trains, buses or taxis. He passed his driving test when he was 17 so that took the pressure off but no car at Uni too expensive to run.

No Uber here and very few taxis, you can't rely on getting one without booking in advance.

I drive Foster Son to college on Monday 40 mile return trip, then return to collect late afternoon again 40 mile round trip. Repeat college on Tuesday so another 80 miles. Tuesday night karate 8 mile drop off home then collect 1 3/4 hours later. Wednesday cricket coaching at lunch time 40 mile round trip. Wednesday night Crav Maga 20 mile round trip but only 1 hour so I pop to supermarket. Thursday college different campus drop, home, collect, home 100 miles. Friday college another 80 miles. Saturday cricket training 40 miles and I wait for 1 hour and watch. Sunday afternoon more cricket practice 2 hours. 82 miles round trip and I pop in to eat a carvery while I wait. DC has learning disabilities and can't use public transport so no option but to take him. This is my light schedule. In the summer add 3 cricket matches most weeks so an average of another 50 miles each time and I am roped into doing the scoring too. I do like to watch him play cricket though.

I feel like that is all I do! Single parent, two teenagers, part time job each, both go to the gym and have hobbies / activities on top. Live in an area with very limited and unreliable public transport. It does get annoying, particularly after a busy day at work but it's not forever.

DCs are 13 and 15 and we live in London. They have loads of hobbies (out most nights) but about half of them are on their school site, within walking distance of home (they walk with friends) or they make their own way by tube & bus. It is one of the reasons we stayed in London to raise our dc though - so many opportunities for activities on our doorstep and easy to travel to lots more by public transport. I did do lots of ferrying about in the primary years though (still by tube/bus).

I know what you mean. Lots of driving for my two (15 and 13). Hour's round trip school run every morning and a 40 minute one in the afternoon. Judo two evenings a week for one and he has a girlfriend too so we drive back and forth about once a week to where she lives (another hour round trip). Then I help my mum too at least once a week, 90 minute round trip. I've clocked up 45k miles in this car and we've had it less than three years and it's not even our main car!

I’ve got a 3 and 5 year old and all my weekends involve driving them to and from activities and staying with them. I’ve given up on having my own hobbies for a while now. I’m hoping one day they’ll be more independent but for now it’s just one of those things. My son does football twice a week, gymnastics, swimming, robotics class etc… and my youngest starts school soon so will be doing that for him too but hopefully they can do the activities in the same location. Both my husband and I work full time too but I do most of the activities but then my husband has to look after my youngest.
why don’t you get him to prioritise some of the activities and then set some boundaries on what you can and won’t commit to as a compromise.

Please tell me you don’t have a full time job too as this sounds exhausting 🥴

Too much. Live rurally and public transport is shit. My 20 min drive to walk is over 2 hours if I have to take public transport

Our daughters (13 & 15) have to make their own way to activities. They walk, cycle or get the bus. We don’t have a car, so they don’t get lifts. My view is even if we did have a car, they need to start becoming more independent at some point.

Like PPs - a lot!! One memorable day DD2 asked me to drop her to bowling, then DD1 asked me to collect her from the station, then I had to pick up DD2 and before I knew it I'd been on the road solidly for 3.5 hours!!

The lifts are less now that DD1 has gone to uni (and can drive when she's here). But then I chose to live here (rurally) and I don't want the kids feeling they are missing out. Helps that DH now WFH and does half.

This!!
My eldest couldn't learn to drive at the right time because of covid and then the covid backlog, and then he went to uni, where it's difficult to learn as you can't practice and then you have holidays at home and driving instructors are booked up for months..... so still giving lifts to 22 yo when home. At least the younger one has just passed her test, but no car, and quite often the lifts are after social events which involve drink....

I used to love driving my teen - it was one of the few times we'd have an actual proper conversation.

I've just started this year with my 10 year old who had activities most days and then extras on weekends. We've now moved house 45 mins away but she still wants to do sea cadets and the closest unit is near our old house so it will be a 45 Min drive and then 2.5 hours cadets then 45 mins drive back. I will be asking if I can be an adult volunteer with the unit to make that time useful to me. But that one we are letting her Continue as it was our choice to move the rest of the activities and clubs are transferable to the new town.

Before the eldest two went to uni, lots and lots and lots! I had 10pm pickups five days a week, which were often a 1 hour round trip (DH used to do the drop off 2 hrs earlier). Plus weekend daytime stuff. But we decided to move to somewhere that the limited public transport stopped at about 7.30pm, so knew what we were getting into. It was wonderful when DC2 passed his test though, as it was his sport that required most of the pickups. When DC3 was doing one particular activity, there was one day a week where I would leave home at 3.15pm and not get home until 9.30pm. All that time was just picking up and dropping off the kids - driving round in circles between 3 towns - it was nuts! I was so glad when that activity finished. Now it's only DC3 at home, who rarely needs lifts. It's wonderful 😁. Mine were very appreciative of the lifts and would cycle/bus when they could. But it wasn't possible with sports kit when the activity was 20 miles away. It is tiring, OP, I agree, but it's time limited. Once they can drive, or have left for uni, your evenings will be your own again.

It sounds recognisable. I certainly did it with my three. In fact, they're in their early twenties now and don't drive/have cars so it's still happening to a certain extent. I just feel I always want to support them.

Same.

DS was in a football team he could walk to training and then every other Saturday was an away match which was all over the county. The team was based at a pitch at his school though it was not his schools team, he could just walk to school. His team ended when 16 and he joined. Cadets which was a 15 minute drive away. He passed his driving test so8n after his 17th and then just drove himself.

An absolute shit load.

We bought one of those houses that is surrounded by the beauty of nature and makes you say “what a lovely place to raise children.”

IT IS NOT A LOVELY PLACE TO RAISE TEENAGERS.

But, since I am paralysed by thoughts of her dying in a ditch if I don’t just pick her up… I drive her around an absolute shit load.

I have a 9yo too. It’s like a ticking clock. I’m hoping he just becomes addicted to video games.

Multiple times a day, every single day. We live so rurally that driving is the absolute only way to leave the house and reach anything. It’s one of the reasons I work part-time because I have to be available to drive my teenager around.

She can’t get her license soon enough. We will be paying for everything to get her driving so that she can be independent and I can get my freedom.

Lots and lots of driving. I actively encouraged it. I loved being in the car with them, listening to the chats.
They thought i was so kind, offering to pick them up from partiese in the middle of the night with their mates when no one else would be arsed. Ya, sure, kindness, thats why i picked up 6 teenagers from a party at 2 am. Im just that lovely.
I got a 7 seater exactly so I could do collecting and dropping.
Possible stemming in part from the fact that you could NEVER ask my parents for a lif to anywhere and not a hope would they collect. Parents who dont bother their arse when they can annoy the f outa me, but mine knew they could always rely on me for a lift.
I miss it now, it happens a bit as I have one who comes home from Uni at weekends but her friend drives now so she doesnt need me to as much.
It passes, but it pays dividends in time and a window into their lives and their friendships. Its so much more than a lift IMO.

4.5 hours on Saturday. I don't begrudge it at all though, as all the activities are enriching and i want them to do them and they wouldn't be able to get themselves there.

I would be encouraging your son - and happily doing the leg work. So much better then sitting in his room gaming, you are fortunate that he is so social and is keen to keep fit.

Like everything with children, it won't be for ever and you'll look back on these years as the halcyon days.

Not as much as you! DS1 has no social life or hobbies (16) and now cycles to 6th form. I wish he did. I'd be quite happy to taxi him.
DS2 requires a bit more ferrying about. I do the (short) runs to drop him and pick him up at the station every school day. On Monday I took him to a friends house after I picked him up. Then I collected him from town later. He has cadets in the evening once a week but it handily close to my bestis house so I loiter there until pickup. He has a social club on a Friday so I have to wait till 9.30 after I've picked him up for my weekend glass of fizz. That annoys me 😂Sometimes he wants to meet friends at the weekend - and some live in the arse end of nowhere so I have to give him a lift - I usually say yes to this as I like him to be social. I like hanging about with him.

I do think this is irritating, but normal. And also, at this age, it's a bit worse because you really don't want them walking or taking public transport at night. There's a bus DS could take home from one of his activities, but it finishes at 8:30 and the bus wouldn't get him home until 9:30, whereas I can pick him up and and we're home at 8:45.

Also, I get the sense they all get a bit better about organising themselves as they get a bit older. I notice that nephew, who is nearly 15, makes plans and co-ordinates better so that his parents and his friend's parents are sharing, and/or, he'll get dropped by a parent at a train station that allows him to travel directly home etc.