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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How to break it to him that he's not getting lunch money when he starts college?

152 replies

yesithinkido · 18/07/2023 11:28

16 yr old will start college in September. We took him for the open day and as we didn't know exactly what was going to happen we gave him 5 pounds to buy lunch. He told us later they were given a free lunch and he spent the 5 pounds by buying a can of drink for £2.50.
We never got the change but that's teenagers for you lol.
As we were driving home he said I think I'll buy meal deals for my lunch...
I didn't say anything (stepmum here) as I wanted to see what his dad thought- and If dad planned to finance these 4 x £4 meal deals a week.
Dad said no way am I paying 20 quid a week for his lunch when we have a fridge full of stuff for him to take sandwiches.
But how do we tell him?
He already feels badly done to that he has a job and buys his own stuff - but expects it and sees it as normal that we pay 60 pounds a month for his gym membership and his football- which we don't mind at all. I don't want to have to find another £70 a month to cover his lunches though. We have 4 kids living at home. The oldest 2 work and also take sandwiches with them. The younger child gets free school dinners. We have just enough money to get by comfortably (with that I mean we don't have sleepless night worrying how to pay for the gas bill- but we also don't have excess to pay for a nice holiday in the summer)
His mum isn't in the picture so no good asking for any help from her.

OP posts:
howmanytimesagain · 18/07/2023 11:31

Simple

"We can't afford a meal deal every day, if we would we would. You can either pay for it yourself or take sandwiches/cold pasta or whatever is in the house with you"

LadyDanburysHat · 18/07/2023 11:31

What happened at school for lunch? I think his Dad should just tell him that he can take whatever from home for a packed lunch or he can pay for college lunches from his earnings.

howmanytimesagain · 18/07/2023 11:31

*if we could we would

TeaKitten · 18/07/2023 11:33

Just tell him, it’s not groundbreaking news. Surely he’s been taking packed lunch to school anyway?

Original poster
yesithinkido · 18/07/2023 11:33

@LadyDanburysHat he had free school lunches - and if we had some extra cash I would occasionally top us his card so he could buy something extra

OP posts:
Batalax · 18/07/2023 11:33

howmanytimesagain · 18/07/2023 11:31

Simple

"We can't afford a meal deal every day, if we would we would. You can either pay for it yourself or take sandwiches/cold pasta or whatever is in the house with you"

This

Danikm151 · 18/07/2023 11:35

If a kid qualified for free school dinners at school then generally they can get them at college 16-19 unless your income is over the threshold now

LadyDanburysHat · 18/07/2023 11:35

So he isn't used to you handing him cash/card for lunches then. He surely can understand that if he was eligible for free school meals that you don't have a load of extra money sitting around for meal deals.

NoSquirrels · 18/07/2023 11:35

Dad said no way am I paying 20 quid a week for his lunch when we have a fridge full of stuff for him to take sandwiches.
But how do we tell him?

His Dad tells him what he said here. Surely?

Original poster
yesithinkido · 18/07/2023 11:36

He says he has a thing about eating sandwiches that aren't cold. Before I was on the scene when they were smaller I don't think food hygiene was dads biggest priority. Dad is still pretty lax about eating stuff that's out of date - I'm not that fussy either but I have a feeling that the kids may have eaten old stuff and been sick when they were younger ..

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 18/07/2023 11:37

I think if he qualified for FSM at school he can get them at 16-18 college.

Franklin2000 · 18/07/2023 11:37

My son started an apprenticeship instead of college and although I’d given him lunch money throughout school, I just told him he’d be taking sandwiches/pasta from home. If he wants a meal deal or Friday bacon butties, he pays for it himself. He understood lunch money has to stop sometime. Have the conversation and explain it. Add it up over the month to show him exactly why you can’t afford it if you think he’ll kick back.

Namechangecosyeah · 18/07/2023 11:37

DS. can I have money for my meal deal please
You. Can’t afford, sorry, there’s ham in the fridge and bread on the cupboard.

Easy

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/07/2023 11:38

As others have said, he may be eligible for free meals.

Original poster
yesithinkido · 18/07/2023 11:38

@hiredandsqueak this is really useful- thank you very much x

OP posts:
Myjobisanightmare · 18/07/2023 11:40

I wouldn’t pay mine everyday either with 6th form timetable being all over the place as it’s only 15 ish hours whole days off, 1pm starts etc my dd ate at home when she could, or took a packed lunch and I agreed to a Fri Fiver as an end of the week treat

mrsbyers · 18/07/2023 11:40

If he likes cold sandwiches ice packs are £1 - sorted

CattyCattle · 18/07/2023 11:42

If you earn under 30k and/or claim UC even as a top up he could be entitled to full or part bursary. This would cover essential trips, part of a bus pass or college bus transport. I'd get on to this sharpish as otherwise you might have to wait till October to apply.

CattyCattle · 18/07/2023 11:43

** and meals from the college canteen.

Needmorelego · 18/07/2023 11:43

Do you get Child Benefit for him? That’s basically 20 quid a week. Just give him that and then he is responsible for buying his lunch food. So either a ‘meal deal’ each day or he will realise he can get more if he goes to Aldi or wherever and buys a weeks worth of lunch foods.
Why was the college charging £2.50 for a can of drink? Does he actually know how much food and drink “should” cost. I would never pay more than £1 for a can (they are usually around 60p in corner shops). If he paid £2.50 he was had big time !

aSofaNearYou · 18/07/2023 11:44

I mean, you just need to tell him and he needs to suck it up. Sounds like you're tiptoeing around him unnecessarily. If he doesn't want sandwiches he can make something else at home, but that's what will be happening.

ManchesterLu · 18/07/2023 11:46

yesithinkido · 18/07/2023 11:36

He says he has a thing about eating sandwiches that aren't cold. Before I was on the scene when they were smaller I don't think food hygiene was dads biggest priority. Dad is still pretty lax about eating stuff that's out of date - I'm not that fussy either but I have a feeling that the kids may have eaten old stuff and been sick when they were younger ..

There are some great ice packs you can get now. Or freeze a bottle of water and put it in with his sandwiches - that'll keep them cold and he'll have a cold drink for the afternoon, too.

I really screwed myself over by babying my stepson, making his dinners for him for the first year of college. I don't know why I did it. But in his second year I explained that he had to start taking some responsibility for things. He usually took a pack of crisps for his lunch, despite us having plenty in for him to make - but that was his lesson to learn.

naughty40me · 18/07/2023 11:46

My son starts college in September and as I'm a single parent on low income we have always qualified for FSM.

At College they have a bursary that you can apply for. This is a payment designed to cover food, books and travel.

It gets paid directly to my DS and he has to keep receipts too.

Ask at his college there may be something similar. It all depends on the income threshold though.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 18/07/2023 11:51

I get it - it can feel harsh and oddly shaming for them if they’ve assumed they can have something and then can’t.
hopefully you’ll get financial help by the sounds of it.
otherwise, I find it’s always better to go for the positive not the negative- rather than saying ‘well there’s food in the fridge take it or leave it’ I’d go for’meal deal, sure sounds good! Probably not everyday but I’m happy to give you £5/£10 a week so you can mix up taking stuff in’.