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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How to break it to him that he's not getting lunch money when he starts college?

152 replies

yesithinkido · 18/07/2023 11:28

16 yr old will start college in September. We took him for the open day and as we didn't know exactly what was going to happen we gave him 5 pounds to buy lunch. He told us later they were given a free lunch and he spent the 5 pounds by buying a can of drink for £2.50.
We never got the change but that's teenagers for you lol.
As we were driving home he said I think I'll buy meal deals for my lunch...
I didn't say anything (stepmum here) as I wanted to see what his dad thought- and If dad planned to finance these 4 x £4 meal deals a week.
Dad said no way am I paying 20 quid a week for his lunch when we have a fridge full of stuff for him to take sandwiches.
But how do we tell him?
He already feels badly done to that he has a job and buys his own stuff - but expects it and sees it as normal that we pay 60 pounds a month for his gym membership and his football- which we don't mind at all. I don't want to have to find another £70 a month to cover his lunches though. We have 4 kids living at home. The oldest 2 work and also take sandwiches with them. The younger child gets free school dinners. We have just enough money to get by comfortably (with that I mean we don't have sleepless night worrying how to pay for the gas bill- but we also don't have excess to pay for a nice holiday in the summer)
His mum isn't in the picture so no good asking for any help from her.

OP posts:
Icouldabeenalawyer · 18/07/2023 12:50

When dc was that age, we would pay for school (sixth form) lunch just on a Friday as a treat. Dc wanted them every day, but like you we couldn't afford. Could this sort of compromise work?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 18/07/2023 12:53

He'll most likely want to do what his friends do
My DC went to Sixth Form and had gaps in their day .
Both walked up to the nearest shopping area and either went to a cafe (DD) once a week on a long day or Lidl (DS)

At University DS wouldn't pay £5 "for a tiny PapaJohn pizza" (my money not his !) so took food from home . THankfully the nearst McD was too far or I think he'd have been in there !

boyoboys · 18/07/2023 12:53

That's what we do @Icouldabeenalawyer - mine can all have school dinner ones a week rest of the time it's packed lunches although with cost of shopping and the amount they eat I'm not convinced it's that much cheaper.

DandelionBurdockAndGin · 18/07/2023 12:54

Get CB transfer to you if possible.
Check to see if he is eligible for any grants/money.
See if some spending like gym has cheaper options associated with college.

Explain cash situation they do need to learn this stuff on way to adult and self funding- it's not possible every day or even every week - it's not for mine though occasionally they get some money for lunch.

See if there are more creative options now - like soup/noodles in heat retaining containers.

VictoriaVenkman · 18/07/2023 12:56

Do you and your DH take food to work with you? Might be worth pointing this out if you do.

DandelionBurdockAndGin · 18/07/2023 12:56

DD1 was quite anxious before she found areas there were in college for sitting and eating own food - and found she wasn't only one doing that.

Pressthespacebar · 18/07/2023 12:57

My older three are at secondary school and I put a fiver a day on their fingerprint account things (?).

It’s quite a lot just for lunch really, but I don’t mind. Did you pay for him to have lunch when he was at secondary school or did he have to take sandwiches?

Pixiedust1234 · 18/07/2023 13:00

If he was mine I would give him a voice. He chooses either gym, football or lunch allowance but he can't have it all. Let him make that choice as the young adult he is but remind him that he can only chop and change once every six months.

He's becoming an adult and you need to guide him to making good choices, eg value for money, but ultimately he needs to suffer the consequences of any bad decisions. It's also a good teaching moment for budgeting imo.

Beautiful3 · 18/07/2023 13:01

How about he brings home made sandwiches and a bottle of water, but has £20 for the month for the odd pop/extra water/chocolate bar.

Comefromaway · 18/07/2023 13:01

Pressthespacebar · 18/07/2023 12:57

My older three are at secondary school and I put a fiver a day on their fingerprint account things (?).

It’s quite a lot just for lunch really, but I don’t mind. Did you pay for him to have lunch when he was at secondary school or did he have to take sandwiches?

OP already said he was entitled to free school meals. Families on FSM generally can't afford £5 per day for lunches.

SweetSakura · 18/07/2023 13:06

If hopefully he will be eligible for free school meals from the sound of things.

If not I would say either if possible a small allowance so he can occasionally buy something?

Or he's at an age where he can get a Saturday job if he wants to spend money on things

Changes17 · 18/07/2023 13:06

Sounds like there's a bursary option.

We're going to take all the stuff we pay for for DS and give him the money so he can pay for them directly - and make the choices about where he wants to spend it. So in my DS' case, instead of lunch money, bus money, gym money, phone money etc he could choose to walk and take packed lunches, go down a level on the phone plan, and then save the money for other stuff. I think it will help him to plan his own finances.

IhearyouClemFandango · 18/07/2023 13:07

We tend to put a small amount on, around £15/£20 per month which she can then use for whatever…a baguette if she ran out of time or a snack, whatever. But once it is gone it is gone, not because of finances but because it is wasteful otherwise when I make sure there is always good stuff to take for lunches.

pinkfondu · 18/07/2023 13:08

Re the child benefit going to mum. I'm certain I've seen on here before tgat there are ways to challenge it and get it paid to the resident parent

LlynTegid · 18/07/2023 13:10

Sit him down in front of the Marcus Rashford documentary.

You have unfortunately given him false expectations.

Heckythump1 · 18/07/2023 13:14

Pressthespacebar · 18/07/2023 12:57

My older three are at secondary school and I put a fiver a day on their fingerprint account things (?).

It’s quite a lot just for lunch really, but I don’t mind. Did you pay for him to have lunch when he was at secondary school or did he have to take sandwiches?

£75 a week just for lunches is mental.... I spend that on our whole weekly shop!

SweetSakura · 18/07/2023 13:15

pinkfondu · 18/07/2023 13:08

Re the child benefit going to mum. I'm certain I've seen on here before tgat there are ways to challenge it and get it paid to the resident parent

Yes there are and I think it's important it does get challenged if a child is missing out on things

Newlydivorcedyay · 18/07/2023 13:22

So buy him a nice insulated lunchbox and ice pack as a gift and tell him it's for his packed lunches.

Changes17 · 18/07/2023 13:28

@Heckythump1 £75 would be £15 a day.

StormShadow · 18/07/2023 13:28

Zippedydodah · 18/07/2023 12:30

If the mother denies receiving child benefits then surely you can go ahead and claim it?

Show quote history

Yeah, get it transferred! If you're in a position where the food costs are going to be difficult, I can't see why you wouldn't. £80 odd quid a month would be a real help.

Forestfriendlygarden · 18/07/2023 13:30

yesithinkido · 18/07/2023 11:36

He says he has a thing about eating sandwiches that aren't cold. Before I was on the scene when they were smaller I don't think food hygiene was dads biggest priority. Dad is still pretty lax about eating stuff that's out of date - I'm not that fussy either but I have a feeling that the kids may have eaten old stuff and been sick when they were younger ..

Freeze a yoghurt and put it in tupperware/snack box.

Heckythump1 · 18/07/2023 13:31

Changes17 · 18/07/2023 13:28

@Heckythump1 £75 would be £15 a day.

It is £15 a day yes, she puts £5 on each of three kids accounts per day!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 18/07/2023 13:32

Could he have money for lunch once a week as a treat and then take it from home the rest of the time? (Obviously depends on what you can afford) .

Startyabastard · 18/07/2023 13:34

Is he argumentative or difficult to talk to?

JohnFinlaysNewTeeth · 18/07/2023 13:35

Must be nice to afford £60 gym memberships but get school meals paid for buy others.

Open your lips and tell him. It’s literally that easy. It didn’t need a thread to work that out. Stop being a melt about the cb too, challenge the claim.