How to break it to him that he's not getting lunch money when he starts college?

[yesithinkido]

16 yr old will start college in September. We took him for the open day and as we didn't know exactly what was going to happen we gave him 5 pounds to buy lunch. He told us later they were given a free lunch and he spent the 5 pounds by buying a can of drink for £2.50.
We never got the change but that's teenagers for you lol.
As we were driving home he said I think I'll buy meal deals for my lunch...
I didn't say anything (stepmum here) as I wanted to see what his dad thought- and If dad planned to finance these 4 x £4 meal deals a week.
Dad said no way am I paying 20 quid a week for his lunch when we have a fridge full of stuff for him to take sandwiches.
But how do we tell him?
He already feels badly done to that he has a job and buys his own stuff - but expects it and sees it as normal that we pay 60 pounds a month for his gym membership and his football- which we don't mind at all. I don't want to have to find another £70 a month to cover his lunches though. We have 4 kids living at home. The oldest 2 work and also take sandwiches with them. The younger child gets free school dinners. We have just enough money to get by comfortably (with that I mean we don't have sleepless night worrying how to pay for the gas bill- but we also don't have excess to pay for a nice holiday in the summer)
His mum isn't in the picture so no good asking for any help from her.

Give him a set allowance per month
To cover all his subs and phone et.c
He can choose to spend on 4£ lunches or make his own , knowing it then means less for other avtivities
His choices to make

According to one of mine, who worked his way through college stacking supermarket shelves, most of the others did not have any money and would eat a packed lunch or not at all. He said there was a minority who's parents just gave them money - and were puzzled as to why others did not have money.

Sit them down - at some point there is an adult conversation about what you can afford for them support wise, and at what point is a part time job what is needed while at college.

What a crushingly depressing scene.

This is what I have told all of mine.

Dd17, ds12, dd12 aren’t/weren’t entitled to free school lunches, so that has always been what I said

@yesithinkido to add, my two at high school take a sandwich or wrap every day. Their friend who gets free lunches at the canteen swaps her panini for their sandwich/wrap!

Don’t feel bad about not paying!

You need to put a stop to that malarkey immediately.

Can you make an official complaint and get the money redirected?

Do the kids spend any time at all with their mother?

Mumsnet in 2050

(Sorry I know it was a typo but it made me laugh!)

I’d do this, give him some money for a Friday or spread throughout the week so he can buy lunch occasionally.

@x2boys well yes obviously Child Benefit usually gets added to the household pot. But it’s been established that they pay 70 quid a month for gym membership. So the pot obviously has enough to pay that !

Lol 😂 I didn’t even notice until now kkk

This is the government website that came up when I googled this - but I am pretty sure that if he received FSM in senior school up to Year 11 then he continues to be eligible for a free meal while in Further Education up to the age of 19

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/free-meals-in-further-education-funded-institutions-guide-2022-to-2023-academic-year/free-meals-in-further-education-funded-institutions

They should be giving him some kind of voucher to be able to access food - not necessarily the £4 meal deal he likes.

Sorry but i don't see the issue here. I am not being facetious but why is there even the slightest concern about telling him he has to take a packed lunch, you are the adult he nearly is. I find it ridiculous that grown adults tip toe around children and treat them like demi gods. You already pay out a lot of money for him every month, so it's not as though he his hard done by.

About my whole “give him the Child Benefit” suggestion and how several of you are saying surely that goes into the general house budget - well what I meant was that it would be his allowance/pocket money not as extra on top of that (so they currently pay 70 quid for the gym - I don’t know if they give him any other pocket money).
When I was 16 my mum gave me the child benefit as my pocket money. Back then when you got it in cash from the Post Office the adult could sign the back to say that I could collect it because I was 16. So I went to the Post Office and collected it and I had the cash.
If I didn’t it would have been my mum collecting it, adding to the “housekeeping” money, then taking the cash out of that pile of cash and handing it to me.
Our method basically cut out the middle man !
But it seems the OP and her husband haven’t been claiming CB anyway. If they start to claim it then it can become his allowance.
Simple.
(I am curious how they manage to pay for the gym while not claiming CB and being low income enough to be getting free school meals !)

Says in the OP that he has a job and pays for his own stuff, I don't know what his own stuff actually covers? Spending money, clothes, bus pass?

I’m not quite getting it …..you seem happier to pay the £60 a month for the gym (that he could actually finance himself with his work money as it’s a hobby and he could even cycle or walk/run for free) than you do paying for his lunch.

I get that there’s food in the fridge but surely you’d need to buy less for the fridge if instead, you just pay for his lunches. Give him a budget you’re happy to pay for lunch and then tell him he can pay for anything extra.

@Iwasafool oh I missed the bit about him having a job.
So it’s even simpler then….
He pays for the gym out of his wages.
The money the parents no long pay for the gym goes towards his lunches.
Wow that’s easy.

Get a lunch box with a freezer block like everyone else . I'm nearly 50 and take my own Sandwiches to work . It costs way too much to buy lunch daily!

Both my girls qualified for a bursary in college which gave them an allowance each day for lunch, reduced bus fare on the college bus and also any text books they 'had' to have for the course were given to them free. There was a form we had to complete on the first week of term.

Would you carry an already heavy ruck sack with laptop, notebooks/folders, tablet, chargers, text books etc and a lunch box with freezer blocks on public transport, then around with you all day between lectures/libary/group sessions/labs (if a practical subject) in different buildings, then perhaps out to the student union after classes?

It is a big difference between that and arriving at work and sticking your lunch in the work fridge.

@NoTouch it’s 16-18 college he is going to not university.

Sandwiches are hardly heavy, and it won't be all day, will it? Not beyond 2pm presumably.

How does his mother claim the child benefit and keep it if she has nothing to do with the child?

My Foster Son is at college and he gets £15 put on his card every week by his college. He is very lucky because we would not qualify for free meals but because he's a looked after child he qualifies for it. I top it up by £5 a week. At his college he also qualifies for financial support and gets £30 per month from October to May. It's based on attendance. I think he needs 95 percent attendance to get it. He also gets given a £70 Asda voucher at the end of each term. This is given if he's up to date on all work. He was also sent a £20 voucher over Xmas and Easter for food in lieu of free lunch. Check out what financial support is available to him OP. FS also got a free sports kit and if he went on any college trips associated with his course it was free for him. He might be pleasantly surprised. Be aware drinks like cans and things like chips are very expensive and I send FS with his water bottle and a small carton of fresh orange or apple juice. If you look at your son's college website you will see what welfare help is available for him. I'd not say anything about not having college lunch until you check it out first because height get his card topped up by college.

This. My nephew had to do this when his wife walked out leaving him with 2 DS's. She kept claiming the child benefit even though the boys never stayed with her overnight. They sent my nephew a form asking stuff like who washes their clothes, who cooks their meals etc. Then my nephew was awarded the child benefit for them. Do this, it's not fair for the mother who never has them overnight claims their money.

He should also qualify for a free bus pass.