How to break it to him that he's not getting lunch money when he starts college?

[yesithinkido]

16 yr old will start college in September. We took him for the open day and as we didn't know exactly what was going to happen we gave him 5 pounds to buy lunch. He told us later they were given a free lunch and he spent the 5 pounds by buying a can of drink for £2.50.
We never got the change but that's teenagers for you lol.
As we were driving home he said I think I'll buy meal deals for my lunch...
I didn't say anything (stepmum here) as I wanted to see what his dad thought- and If dad planned to finance these 4 x £4 meal deals a week.
Dad said no way am I paying 20 quid a week for his lunch when we have a fridge full of stuff for him to take sandwiches.
But how do we tell him?
He already feels badly done to that he has a job and buys his own stuff - but expects it and sees it as normal that we pay 60 pounds a month for his gym membership and his football- which we don't mind at all. I don't want to have to find another £70 a month to cover his lunches though. We have 4 kids living at home. The oldest 2 work and also take sandwiches with them. The younger child gets free school dinners. We have just enough money to get by comfortably (with that I mean we don't have sleepless night worrying how to pay for the gas bill- but we also don't have excess to pay for a nice holiday in the summer)
His mum isn't in the picture so no good asking for any help from her.

I would gift him appropriate lunch box (some have built in icepacks) and reusable water bottle/coffee mug. As a starting college gift. It shouldn't be too expensive.

Check with college. My DS1 got a bursary - it covered breakfast, lunch, bus pass and work boots (essential for his course).
DS2 didn’t get it because my wage just tipped over the 30k line.

The meal thing aside - you say "DS, you can have a monthly allowance of £X. That has to cover your phone, socialising, presents for others, travel, school meals ... We'll continue to pay for basic clothing and shoes, gym membership, football. If you want more money, you need to get a part time job. "

*obviously tailor the message to whatever you're prepared to spend and on what.

That way it becomes a positive message rather than a negative one.

We're poor and DS1 got a free lunch at college- a basic meal deal, quite limited in choice but perfectly good and much appreciated. He also got money towards printing credits.
He hadn't qualified for Free School Meals at school.

As others have said, if he previously qualified for free school meals he may be eligible for the 16-19 bursary which amongst other things is meant to cover the cost of lunches.

I bought a Packit lunch box/bag for my 15yr old, it goes in the freezer overnight and is one big ice block all round so keeps things nice and cold for lunch time, plenty of room for a can, sandwiches, yogurt and more.
You can get them on amazon.

I think he was a bit cheeky to state what he was going to do for lunch, I think he did it to make a confrontation awkward and hope you would just give in to his expectation.
Don't fool for it.

How do you tell him? Really?

You just tell him straight. Why do you feel the need to pussy foot around him?

Do you get Child Benefit for him? That’s basically 20 quid a week. Just give him that and then he is responsible for buying his lunch food.

FFS, it's there, in the very first post: "I don't want to have to find another £70 a month to cover his lunches though."

I remember my DC having a small cooler bag each (from Asda, nothing flash!) with an ice pack in. Then they stuffed the cooler bag into their school bags / college back packs.

The main thing apparently was always to avoid [shock horror] embarrassment.

Firstly there should be some support available if you are low income, it used to be £30 a week when dd was at college but there's been cuts since

www.gov.uk/guidance/16-to-19-education-financial-support-for-students

Secondly free school meals provision continues

Surely you just give him an allowance - as he's going to college it seems like a natural time to do this anyway, more independence and all that. So give him the£70 you currently spend in gym etc, maybe round up to £80 or £100 if you're feeling generous, and he spends it on what he wants, either gym plus fridge content for lunch, or a meal deal if that's more important. Remind him of the opportunity to top up his allowance by getting a Saturday job....

@CovertImage but isn’t Child Benefit meant to cover food that a child eats (amongst other things obviously) - ours just goes in the general pot but the amount essentially covers the food I buy that goes in a packed lunch.

@yesithinkido tell him it’s Gym membership or food. You can’t pay both.

@Needmorelego - if we give him the child benefit then we would have to give it to the younger one- which we don't actually get (mum gets it but denies receiving it) she also doesn't pay towards the kids.

Yes but it's up to the parents how they distribute the money. I wouldn't spend £20 a week on my DDs lunches, the money would be spread out across other things I need to buy for her and I'd make her lunches cheaply.

So if the oldest 2 work I’m guessing they’re probably adults and not kids? Are they paying a reasonable amount amount to live at home?
As others have mentioned it may be worth seeing if his free meals can continue, also due to college timetables he may not be there for lunch everyday. Perhaps some sort of compromise with him working/ taking crisps and fruit but buying a sausage roll etc - otherwise it’s quite tough if they’re the odd one out taking sarnies whilst everyone else buys lunch.

If you put a claim in for the younger one and prove he lives with you then they will stop the mothers claim and give it you. That should help a bit too.

If the mother denies receiving child benefits then surely you can go ahead and claim it?

@aSofaNearYou I probably don’t spend £20 a week on pack lunch food either - it just goes into the pot. I don’t allocated it specifically.
What I meant really is they give the boy an allowance which could be the equivalent of the amount of Child Benefit. They already pay £70 a month on the gym so that’s practically the amount already.
He can be in control of that money from now on - he may think £70 on the gym isn’t worth it.
But if they aren’t getting the CB for him (and siblings) then they need to fix that.

@yesithinkido

If your youngest doesn't go to their mums you can approach hmrc to get the child benefit, the person with the most days per week gets the benefit!

I have 4 children,I can’t afford gym membership at £70 for any of them or for any adults either .
gym membership is a luxury we can’t afford..we don’t get any benefits apart from child benefit for one under 16 ..

I'm a high earner and I only just spend £60 a month on gym membership. I'm struggling to reconcile free school meals with that.

@yesithinkido the college might have a gym he can use.

My sons friends who got free school meals got the same in college loaded onto the system automatically. I think it was £5 a day allowance or £4 whatever the meal deal was. Definitely apply because if your other child is eligible I’m sure your 16 year old will be too.