DS 17 and rent

[overitallll]

Today we decided DS ought to contribute to the household. He is 17 and doing an apprenticeship. He earns above minimum wage.
He has flat out refused to pay anything and thinks he should live at home for free as we earn much more than him.
We have a reasonable income but cost of living is affecting us.
DH and DS have now had a blazing row, which doesn't help, but I can't help being disappointed in DS's attitude.
What would you do???

As someone who is 30, I started paying "rent" to my parents when I was 16, which is when I got my first proper weekend job. I paid £50pm. Of course they still washed my clothes, cooked my meals, taxi'd me around a lot etc but if I wanted new make up (I'm female) or clothes etc I brought my own out of my wages but they thought it was important to implement to me that life isn't free.

And, as a now 30 year old, I fully respect and appreciate that they did that for me.
At 19 I moved into my own flat, run my own car and worked full time and was completely self sufficient, and I brought my first home aged 24, whilst renting. Because I learnt good money management skills and the importance of working for what I wanted..

I'd of never dreamed of speaking to my parents the way your DS had to you. I may have moaned and groaned but I never acted like a brat, and I had a lovely childhood.. My parents were by no means 'well off' but they both worked and we had holidays growing up and nice Christmases and birthdays but nothing extravagant.
And I still have a very close relationship with both my parents.

@TimeToMoveIt then why are people trying so hard to explain why it's reasonable?

Children shouldn't have to pay to live in their family home, in my opinion.

Exactly. My dgm's brother was working before school at 12 to give money to his mum. Late for school and punished for it, but he chose to work. I am not saying this is something that is desirable at all, just that young people with jobs used take pride in being able to contribute.

Children don't usually, young adults and adults tend to.

Poor lad. He almost certainly had to. There are many stories like this, quite young children having to work to help support the household. Punished by the school as well. Proper hardship.

It always used to be a matter of pride in the area I grew up in that when you started work you could help pay towards the household. What on earth changed?

I think on MN at least, it is because the parents don't need the rent that the children can't see why it is needed. Just on this thread people have scoffed about the value of £50, to me £50 is still significant. My dc is also aware of our situation and understands why at 16 they will have to contribute.

My dgm said he chose to, that her mother did not ask or want him to but couldn't stop him. They were poor but making ends meet, children clothed and in shoes with enough to eat.

I think on MN at least, it is because the parents don't need the rent that the children can't see why it is needed.
Yes, I think this may be a factor, poor children can see that extra income will help the household. They know the value of things. They take pride in earning a wage like an adult and stepping up to provide.

That a young boy felt compelled to always makes me sad. Like those lads going down the pit at 14. I swear some people would reduce the school leaving age again and put kids in factories.

I don't know anyone who wouldn't find it sad or who want children to work long hours or at the expense of their education.

My 17 year old is working in a factory for the summer though, nothing wrong with factory work.

Well. Some would.

I never said that there was anything wrong with factory work.
I am referring to 14 year olds having no choice in days of yore because of the pressure of poverty ending the chances of education because they had to contribute to family finances.

I think we've gone too far the other way if young adults are earning more money than most adults would have as disposable income, yet are not offering to contribute to the household.

I do think that asking is somewhat probmatic, as then there isn't the decision from the young person themselves to step up and see themselves as a working adult, a provider or contributor. I would hope to avoid this. DS is in full time education so I would not expect any payment from him. However, he will buy food and share with me or others, will refuse reimbursement for picking up a few things from the supermarket, and is replacing his own phone and saving up for a laptop. So gradually taking over providing for himself without being asked.

I find it sad if 17 year olds are paid more than their parents. How poor some wage levels are.
Although mine were like yours @EmeraldFox and wanted to buy things or treat us before they became financially independent.

Not paid more, but if they can earn £200 in a week, with no rent, council tax, utility bills, or weekly food shop for basic meals, then they can easily have more disposable income than a parent. Wages are low though, and the freezing of tax thresholds has meant that workers have not seen the full benefit of even generous pay increases recently.

I think children wanting to be treated like adults and gradually take over providing for themselves, and wanting to treat parents and younger siblings has been a natural part of growing up for most of history. It would be difficult to know what to do when children do not show this natural inclination and instead want everything provided and done for them.

No, nor should everything be provided for them. I was always pleased when mine wanted to pay for things, or do a shop or whatever. They all managed student loans and budgets, became independent adults with good financial acumen, and like to be generous to us now, which is lovely. I just would never charge rent.

Well i wouldn't be charging my child rent (and don't) but I can afford not to, although even if i really couldn't afford to 'keep' them I would be very reluctant to ask for rent. I want my kids to be carefree as long as possible, they pay for their phones, car insurance, clothes etc and do a food shop or buy a takeaway once in a while. I don't understand this mentality of as soon they are 18 they move out or pay rent.

I have read some very unsavoury stuff on MN before, like a child has to reimburse the parents for the loss of child benefits, or that they have to hand over their earnings to their university-going siblings.

but really - fleecing your child from their first part time job is just grabby and immoral.

But then why didn't you teach them to pay for their own phone in the first place? Just weird.

I have not seen anyone say the child has to reimburse for the loss of child benefit.

What I have seen is that when a child has chosen to leave education, so their parent is no longer receiving help towards the cost of keeping them then that child has to accept that their are consequences to that decision and they have to pay towards their household living expenses. Universal credit etc calculators make it clear that this should be the case.

And this thread is not about part time jobs, it is about a young person in full time employment earning a decent wage.

My son's friend did contribute towards household expenses from his part time job when he was at college. His single parent was only able to work limited hours due to ill health and he wanted to help when she was struggling with the utility bills. I have the utmost respect for him for this.

It's not a little Saturday job for some pocket money though, it's an apprenticeship.

Based on what we pay ours at work he'll be getting a decent amount every month, in the region of £1000 minimum so op is only asking for 5% of that.

That's completely different. That poor mum wasn't charging him rent, or calculating how much he cost her
She was in need, so he helped.

I agree. Imagine calculating how much your child costs you.

Or you just have each person wait until they have a full load to run and get the same result. Plus the benefit of not sorting out clothing and teaching your kids to do their own laundry.

We'd run out of socks and underwear before we had a full load of just clothing each.

You'd need a lot of clothes, we are only really set up for a week or so.