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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 17 and rent

257 replies

overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:02

Today we decided DS ought to contribute to the household. He is 17 and doing an apprenticeship. He earns above minimum wage.
He has flat out refused to pay anything and thinks he should live at home for free as we earn much more than him.
We have a reasonable income but cost of living is affecting us.
DH and DS have now had a blazing row, which doesn't help, but I can't help being disappointed in DS's attitude.
What would you do???

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 22:27

Flamingoes12 · 17/07/2023 22:24

1000 a month isn’t a lot of money. If you are going to charge him something I’d take a token amount and save it, ready to give back to him when he leaves home.

He is just a baby as others have said let him enjoy the fruits of his labour for a little while. He’s going to have a bloody hard road ahead of him with things the way they are without you taking his money as soon as he gets his first job , before he has even found his feet or been able to have a little fun enjoying his new round cash.

It is when it's all disposable income.

Maireas · 17/07/2023 22:28

Dacadactyl · 17/07/2023 22:20

I think your reluctance to charge rent may come down to the fact that you felt unwelcome in your own home.

Myself and DH had to pay rent in both parental homes. Didn't make either of us feel unwelcome.

Show quote history

I think you're right. It's also that I believe you should have a family home, your children can live there without a tariff. I understand people are different and charge as soon as their children earn anything. It's their choice.

Flamingoes12 · 17/07/2023 22:29

It’s not though is it? He might already have a car but if not that’s an outlay, his car insurance, petrol, food, some nights out, clothes! All that easy adds up to 1000 a month..:maybe he will also want a holiday with his friends.

Hellocatshome · 17/07/2023 22:30

Flamingoes12 · 17/07/2023 22:29

It’s not though is it? He might already have a car but if not that’s an outlay, his car insurance, petrol, food, some nights out, clothes! All that easy adds up to 1000 a month..:maybe he will also want a holiday with his friends.

Well we obviously live in completely different worlds finance wise.

creakyhip · 17/07/2023 22:47

Mine is 19 and working. He's saving for some professional training. If I thought he was feckless with money I'd take keep and save it to give back, but he's amazing with money. Extremely careful and savvy.

EmeraldFox · 18/07/2023 06:12

SamBeckettslastleap · 17/07/2023 22:06

If your child leaves full-time education to start an apprenticeship, they are no longer considered your dependent. As such, families of apprentices are currently not entitled to financial support.
This includes any child maintenance you may be receiving through the statutory system and may also impact your working tax credits, housing benefit and/or council tax reduction.

I believe the same is for UC (I'm on tax credits waiting to be merged over due to disability)

They also have to pay for nhs prescriptions, dental and sight tests, and are not classed as dependents if applying for student financial support for uni (not relevant to me but will affect others)

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Yes, this is what I meant, it's not just CB you would lose.

EmeraldFox · 18/07/2023 06:16

Flamingoes12 · 17/07/2023 22:29

It’s not though is it? He might already have a car but if not that’s an outlay, his car insurance, petrol, food, some nights out, clothes! All that easy adds up to 1000 a month..:maybe he will also want a holiday with his friends.

This is crazy money, I don't have £1000 a month for these things. How the other half live...

Scottishskifun · 18/07/2023 07:01

I think learning money management and budgeting is a vital skill.

I wouldn't start with rent straight away thougg but get him to take over his phone bill and say when he gets to 18 he is expected to contribute a token amount as he's now earning but also draw up a agreement with cleaning etc.
Not a large sum to begin with maybe £100 a month.
He always has the choice to move out which will be way more expensive!

Takeitonthechin · 18/07/2023 07:55

I would certainly hand his phone bill to him to pay himself, let him pay for his own lunch too, do not make his pack ups. The responsibility lies with him for these, he will soon wish he had paid £50 a month.

twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 08:00

@SweetSakura because he's barely out of school! What's 50 quid going to do?? The fact anyone sees their kids as a walking cash machine is crazy to me. Let him enjoy his working wage! He's got literally years to come of paying rent and bills, why start in the family home??

There is not any part of me that would ever ask my kids to contribute to the family home. I had kids expecting to provide that for them for as long as they need it.

SamBeckettslastleap · 18/07/2023 08:45

twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 08:00

@SweetSakura because he's barely out of school! What's 50 quid going to do?? The fact anyone sees their kids as a walking cash machine is crazy to me. Let him enjoy his working wage! He's got literally years to come of paying rent and bills, why start in the family home??

There is not any part of me that would ever ask my kids to contribute to the family home. I had kids expecting to provide that for them for as long as they need it.

What's £50 going to do? Says someone that has no idea.

I never imagined I would be in this situation, and when we budgeted and planned for children this didn't seem possible. But 16 years is a long time and no one can control bereavement and disability.

I don't see my child as a walking cash cow and find you very disrespectful to say so.

twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 08:52

@SamBeckettslastleap well we'll just have to agree to disagree

SweetSakura · 18/07/2023 08:54

SamBeckettslastleap · 18/07/2023 08:45

What's £50 going to do? Says someone that has no idea.

I never imagined I would be in this situation, and when we budgeted and planned for children this didn't seem possible. But 16 years is a long time and no one can control bereavement and disability.

I don't see my child as a walking cash cow and find you very disrespectful to say so.

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Well quite. Mumsnet is a weird place. On one thread someone will be told they can easily feed their family of 6 on £50 a month and on another it's unreasonable to ask someone earning the best part of £1000 a month to contribute even 5% of that towards household expenses (or even their own blooming phone bill!)

SamBeckettslastleap · 18/07/2023 08:56

twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 08:52

@SamBeckettslastleap well we'll just have to agree to disagree

You think I see my child as a cash cow?

You think that everybody can predict death and disability?

twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 08:57

@SweetSakura then OP should ask him to pay his own phone bill? That's not what they said though is it, they've asked for rent?

Faz469 · 18/07/2023 08:59

I was charged from the day I started earning ay 17. £30 a week when part time. Then it went up to £50 when full time. It did me the world of good and taught me about budgeting and being responsible for myself.

twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 08:59

@SamBeckettslastleap is that the situation OP is in? I think you're stretching this point out.

I think parents who expect children to pay "rent" are unreasonable yes.

Is the option pay rent or move out? Like most renting situations? Would OPs finances suddenly be solved by him moving out?

stealtheatingtunnocks · 18/07/2023 09:01

It’s not adult to get a free ride in life. Raising men means stopping indulging boys. I’d charge him and get him doing chores

avocadotofu · 18/07/2023 09:05

I would personally never charge my child rent. My brother lived at home for ages and my mum never charge him. It's seems like a really odd thing to do, especially when he's so young.

SweetSakura · 18/07/2023 09:07

twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 08:57

@SweetSakura then OP should ask him to pay his own phone bill? That's not what they said though is it, they've asked for rent?

They've asked for £50 a month. Call it whatever you like, that's a nominal contribution to household bills at best

twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 09:08

@SweetSakura again, we'll just have to agree to disagree...

SamBeckettslastleap · 18/07/2023 09:12

Would OPs finances suddenly be solved by him moving out?

Not solved but drastically lessened. What do you think the son eats? Dust? What does he wash in? Air? Paying for another person in a household budget is of course more expensive.

PureLife89 · 18/07/2023 09:22

You have a reasonable income but want to take money off a child

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/07/2023 09:28

I think he should pay for his own phone and he should be making his own lunches. He has a really bad attitude so I would probably cut down on the snacks I had in the house. If he wants them he can buy them.

AutieNOT0tie · 18/07/2023 09:30

I wouldn't charge rent unless I need to before 18. But then I'd charge 20% does he cover his own expenses? Phone etc. Also it would be a discussion with a time frame. If you want him to act like an adult don't treat him like a child