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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 17 and rent

257 replies

overitallll · 17/07/2023 19:02

Today we decided DS ought to contribute to the household. He is 17 and doing an apprenticeship. He earns above minimum wage.
He has flat out refused to pay anything and thinks he should live at home for free as we earn much more than him.
We have a reasonable income but cost of living is affecting us.
DH and DS have now had a blazing row, which doesn't help, but I can't help being disappointed in DS's attitude.
What would you do???

OP posts:
twinmum2022 · 18/07/2023 09:35

SamBeckettslastleap · 18/07/2023 09:12

Would OPs finances suddenly be solved by him moving out?

Not solved but drastically lessened. What do you think the son eats? Dust? What does he wash in? Air? Paying for another person in a household budget is of course more expensive.

He's not a lodger... he's her son. She signed up to feed him and provide washing facilities! We're not going to agree on this.

4weeknoalcohol · 18/07/2023 09:44

My 17 year old will get his CTF thing from the Government that was invested when he turns 18 about 10k. After he past his driving test in February we offered to buy him a condo hand car which he would be expected to refund us for once he is 18, he refused so no car for him. I have to pay 8k for his accommodation next year at University if he gets his grades. Count yourself lucky your 17 year old isn’t costing you anything extra then household stuff. I do understand what you mean about attitude but you have muddied the point by linking it to money. My 17 year old cleans his own room and bathroom, makes his packed lunch and is expected to cook dinner twice a week. We pay his phone £10, gym £25, drama and singing £80 and give him £100 a month for dishwasher and dishes after dinner. He’s tried looking for a summer job but the only ones with jobs are those that had jobs before the summer he didn’t because he volunteers and did 4 A levels. Try working on his lack of contribution to being more independent. You have facilitated his attitude by doing everything for him for so long. He doesn’t appreciate your value so he does not see why he should part with any money even if it is only £50.00.

4weeknoalcohol · 18/07/2023 09:46

Second hand car and then not then! Loads of typos apologies.

4weeknoalcohol · 18/07/2023 09:46

Than not then ha ha it’s auto type

JazbayGrapes · 18/07/2023 15:33

I wouldn't charge my child rent, but i also wouldn't be paying for phone, subscriptions, or social life.

19lottie82 · 19/07/2023 09:54

The fact anyone sees their kids as a
walking cash machine is crazy to me.

it’s nothing to do with this at all, it’s teaching your child good life skills. It’s not healthy for a young adult to have their entire wages as disposable income.

JazbayGrapes · 19/07/2023 10:27

it’s nothing to do with this at all, it’s teaching your child good life skills. It’s not healthy for a young adult to have their entire wages as disposable income.

Its really weird reasoning. Why not?
Also why demand them pay rent and then still insist on serving them in various ways?

IfItAintBrokeBreakIt · 19/07/2023 10:41

I wouldn’t charge a 17 year old doing an apprenticeship. How much is he actually picking up?

Comefromaway · 19/07/2023 10:44

OP says he earns above minimum wage.

If he were on minimum wage he would be picking up approx £200 per week based on a 38 hour week. (apprentices don't pay NI and it is under the tax limit). OP's ds could be taking home as much as £400 per week if he is above MW.

That's a lot of disposable income to suddenly have.

ToWonderWhyIBother · 19/07/2023 10:46

When my daughter was 17 I charged her £20 per week as she was earning a pretty good wage, my son is now 17 finished college but only managed to get a 16 hr a week job, so I'm not charging him anything, however he does lots of chores around the house for me (ones that I hate) so I figure this is a good system.

However in your situation I would be asking him to fund his own phone contract, no packed lunches. I would continue to do his washing as it will go in with the rest and the evening meal as its easier to cook for everyone.

I needed both of mine to realise that rent, bills etc have to be paid and they have to be accounted for 1st before any fun can be had with wages.

It's a very difficult situation, maybe sit him down and explain exactly how much it costs you and his dad to actually run the house for a month, that might make his eyes water and his attitude change, if not then tell him he pays £100 per month (which is really cheap) plus his phone contract and if he doesn't like it he can always look at a flat share, which I guarantee he will not get for £100 per month.

19lottie82 · 19/07/2023 10:57

It’s really weird reasoning. Why not?

really weird? I don’t think so.

why not? Because they don’t have any grasp of budgeting or managing a household / bills.

JazbayGrapes · 19/07/2023 11:54

That's a lot of disposable income to suddenly have.

Why is that a bad thing? I'd surely encourage to save, but maybe he already has a big purchase on his mind? Like a car? Or travel plans?

JazbayGrapes · 19/07/2023 11:57

why not? Because they don’t have any grasp of budgeting or managing a household / bills.

Why don't they have? Have they fallen from a tree aged 17? You haven't shown them, discussed with them before?

Comefromaway · 19/07/2023 11:58

Do you have late teenage children or are yours younger Jazbay. There are so many temptations nowadays and so easy if you suddenly have access to a lot of money to get into drinking or vaping or weed or worse. It goes to their head. £200 per week is more disposable income than most adults have.

JazbayGrapes · 19/07/2023 12:08

Do you have late teenage children or are yours younger Jazbay.

Actually i do. They've been expected to manage their own phones, subscriptions and other expenses from smaller amounts of money earlier than that. Overspending on nights out occasionally? Well, there's a lesson to be learned too.
If your child suddenly takes up heavy drinking and weed you have a much bigger problem on your hands than budgeting.

Comefromaway · 19/07/2023 12:12

Mine have never been interested but there is so much peer pressure nowadays. I have seen some really good kids have their heads turned.

twinmum2022 · 19/07/2023 14:53

19lottie82 · 19/07/2023 09:54

The fact anyone sees their kids as a
walking cash machine is crazy to me.

it’s nothing to do with this at all, it’s teaching your child good life skills. It’s not healthy for a young adult to have their entire wages as disposable income.

Why not? What will happen?

19lottie82 · 19/07/2023 15:50

Why not? What will happen?

poor financial skills and attitudes into adulthood.

thinking they will never have to pay bills then getting the shock of a lifetime when reality hits.

if you think this is rare then you are very VERY naive.

twinmum2022 · 19/07/2023 16:03

19lottie82 · 19/07/2023 15:50

Why not? What will happen?

poor financial skills and attitudes into adulthood.

thinking they will never have to pay bills then getting the shock of a lifetime when reality hits.

if you think this is rare then you are very VERY naive.

The justifications for charging kids rent are wild...

Tell yourself what you have to 😊

midgetastic · 19/07/2023 16:08

Anyone who is old enough to work is old enough to contribute to the household and historically this would not have been questioned

TimeToMoveIt · 19/07/2023 16:30

twinmum2022 · 19/07/2023 16:03

The justifications for charging kids rent are wild...

Tell yourself what you have to 😊

Show quote history

🤣🤣 like anyone has to actually justify their parenting to you or anyone else on here

Different people have different opinions but if you are asking £50 a month from someone who works full time for above the minimum wage who doesn't even pay their own phone bill and they refuse like ops son then there's an issue regardless of how old they are

19lottie82 · 19/07/2023 16:45

The justifications for charging kids rent
are wild...

Tell yourself what you have to 😊

as per my
previous posts I’m not against putting the cash in a savings account for them and giving it back when they need it for a major life event, but I honestly believe not taking even a nominal amount is failing to set them up for living in the real world.

MostlyHappyMummy · 19/07/2023 16:52

Wouldn't he learn more by paying for his own phone and washing his own clothes? So you could start there and perhaps add in some cooking or at least making own lunch
And of course he pays for his social life.
he's only 17 so seems unfair to charge rent but as he's working it's ok for him to start to take responsibility for himself over the next year

Comefromaway · 19/07/2023 17:00

Well in my house no one is allowed to wash their own clothes as that is a waste of electricity & water. We wait until there is a full load consisting of everyone’s clothes.
with regards to phones both mine took over their phones once they left FE education but in some households they might get discounts etc for being on a family contract.

It always used to be a matter of pride in the area I grew up in that when you started work you could help pay towards the household. What on earth changed?

Maireas · 19/07/2023 17:12

19lottie82 · 19/07/2023 16:45

The justifications for charging kids rent
are wild...

Tell yourself what you have to 😊

as per my
previous posts I’m not against putting the cash in a savings account for them and giving it back when they need it for a major life event, but I honestly believe not taking even a nominal amount is failing to set them up for living in the real world.

I think you can teach them about finances and teach them about "the real world" without charging them rent to live in the family home.
However, if you want to charge them, that's your choice of course.

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