Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager heard us having sex

155 replies

ElenaGreco76 · 02/07/2023 08:45

Okay, my teenager was home from uni. She’s 18, has a boyfriend and is very worldly wise. At about 2 in the morning when we assumed she was asleep my partner (her step-dad) and I had sex. I’m always mindful when the kids are in the house but I think without realising at the, ahem, crucial moment, I was a bit loud. The next day she was really off and I asked what was wrong. She said she heard us and is disgusted and that I sounded like ‘an animal in pain’ 😳. I was aghast and apologised but now feel really bad - like I’ve traumatised her. Thing is, I can remember hearing my own mum and it freaked me out — it was a very strange, disturbing noise and didn’t sound like my mum.

Should I feel bad? What should I say?

OP posts:
MynameMyname · 02/07/2023 10:57

Never heard my parents once and they produced five kids !

Begonne · 02/07/2023 10:59

Mid 40s and I really, really do not want to listen to my dps or dc having sex. It’s inconsiderate not to be discreet in shared houses.

Theoldgreygoose · 02/07/2023 11:02

RocketIceLollie · 02/07/2023 10:43

Some of the responses here are getting ridiculous now. Traumatised? Incest? From hearing her parents have sex? Honestly, no wonder kids are growing up so Fragile and delicate when they enter the big wide world if you shelter them from the most natural normal things in life that they have had no preparation of how to deal with their emotions in life.

Indeed. There really are some delicate flowers on MN. I really don't understand how they navigate the pitfalls of life when they can't cope with something like hearing a parent having sex.

Devastateddaughter · 02/07/2023 11:02

ActDottie · 02/07/2023 10:25

Keep the volume down. I don’t understand why some people have to be so loud about it.

Same here , it is possible to have sex quietly.

Mariposista · 02/07/2023 11:38

Oh OP this did give me a bit of a giggle. It's normal that this grossed her out, but come on, you are only doing the same thing she would do with a boyfriend (if she has one).

I have to laugh as my fiancé and I once heard his mum and SD doing the same thing - they're quite young still (early 50s - she had him young), and ahem ahem, still very much at the 'very much in love' stage apparently. I thought it was hilarious, and told him to get over himself as it was our fault we had decided to let ourselves into their house at night anyway instead of waiting 40 mins for a taxi home). Let's just say it put him right off doing anything himself that night with me. I still laugh at the look of disgust on his face. It's even funnier if you knew what future MIL is like and what she does for a living, but I don't want to be too outing 😂

bladebladebla1 · 02/07/2023 11:46

People using the word traumatised have clearly never been through actual trauma

ZickZack · 02/07/2023 12:11

Thanks for explaining as I genuinely wasn't aware of how it could be traumatic.

I wasn't the one who called her daughter spiteful though if that was aimed at me.

ZickZack · 02/07/2023 12:12

WilkinsonM · 02/07/2023 10:50

It's not the fact that they are having sex, it's being an unwilling witness/participant to the moment. It's a visceral feeling for many and causes great upset. Some people have more sensitive disgust responses which is why some faint at the sight of blood and others are surgeons, some can't watch spots being squeezed and some watch it for relaxation. We are different, and what for some people is 'eh, but grim but whatever' is traumatising for others. Calling a teenage girl spiteful for being upset by this is unbelievably callous.

Show quote history

My previous comment was in reply to this. The quote function didn't work

Saschka · 02/07/2023 15:04

WilkinsonM · 02/07/2023 10:51

She can orgasm quietly when she knows her DD is in the house! It's not that difficult, I manage it most nights!

Show quote history

If she was screaming like Meg Ryan, yep definitely. She says she thought she was being quiet though, so I’m assuming the DD heard creaking bedsprings and heavy breathing.

The sound carries worse in some houses than others, and some people are lighter sleepers than others. My DM used to be able to hear the click of my Walkman turning on (it apparently used to wake her up, and she used to storm in to tell me to turn it off).

And there isn’t much way to avoid all noise altogether, unless you just don’t have sex.

ConsistentlyPeeved · 02/07/2023 16:51

My mother was always extremely vocal throughout my life. It was fucking gross and still makes me angry and disgusted now.
It was almost like she was shouting "look at me I'm having sex". Even the neighbours would get pissed off.

If I were you I'd apologise and move on but try and be quiet next time. Hats off to you getting to 18 years though! I first walked in on my mother having sex at age 4 and it's still ingrained in my brain.

All of this "you pay for the house so make as much noise as you want" brigade are probably as vocal as my mother.

Upsizer · 02/07/2023 16:56

Why were you awake at 2am? Did you set an alarm? This never happens to me.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/07/2023 17:12

Its all very well people saying "make a joke of it " Tell her to grow up". I'm 47 very unprudish However at the sametime and I do not want to hear see or smell people having sex (and certainly not that attention seeking screaming) With the greatest respect Maybe try controlling yourself.
You're married love we all know you're having sex but I don't think your 18 year old daughter nor your neighbors need and want to hear it

tiggergoesbounce · 02/07/2023 17:33

I wouldn't like any guests in my home hearing me having me sex, especially my own child.

You have apologised and i think thats all you can do, and try to keep the noise down a bit next time Blush

Jellifulfruit · 02/07/2023 21:27

Spinet · 02/07/2023 10:10

The article about the evolutionary response does not say what you think it does. Please go and actually read it.

I am so sorry you have PTSD and that you have this level of disgust at overhearing a parent having sex. I would gently suggest that you look to yourself and how best to process that disgust because it seems atypical. It has nothing to do with the OP's situation which on the face of it is just an accidental loud orgasm she can't undo and has apologised for.

Show quote history

Nah. Not atypical at all. I’d actually think you’re atypical, by not feeling a level of disgust hearing your parents shag. I would gently suggest you look to yourself and how best to process this weird reaction.

Jellifulfruit · 02/07/2023 21:28

bladebladebla1 · 02/07/2023 11:46

People using the word traumatised have clearly never been through actual trauma

Trauma isn’t what happens to you, it’s what happens inside. You can’t measure anyone’s trauma by your own standards

bladebladebla1 · 02/07/2023 21:29

H@Jellifulfruit k

LaBefana · 02/07/2023 21:38

@Jellifulfruit

I’d actually think you’re atypical, by not feeling a level of disgust hearing your parents shag.

That is one of, but not the most, silly things I have read on Mumsnet today. Plenty of people just think it's funny.

Prettylittleroses · 02/07/2023 21:41

ElenaGreco76 · 02/07/2023 10:10

To be clear, I wasn’t aware I was making a noise at climax (I can be quite lost in the moment) and would absolutely not have done so with any conscious awareness. Even then I don’t think I do it often, it just happened to be an unusually strong orgasm.

The pillow suggestion sounds ideal.

You’d no conscious awareness? Seriously? 😂😂😂

nancy2022 · 02/07/2023 22:17

Do you usually have the house to yourself?

How could you relax knowing people could hear you?

It's even worse that your DH was comfortable enough to do it.

Original poster
ElenaGreco76 · 02/07/2023 22:36

I thought my daughter was asleep and was not aware I was so loud. I felt bad and won’t make the mistake again.

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 02/07/2023 22:43

Am I the only one wondering what noise you make 😂😂

op it is a bit Ergh she heard you! Maybe just bite a pillow or something next time instead of sounding like a romping pig!

Original poster
ElenaGreco76 · 02/07/2023 22:45

I felt bad precisely because I once heard my mother and it really unnerved me (what I thought was a prim and proper woman sound like a honking goose) and there is no way I would have wanted to expose my daughter to my sounds. I genuinely wasn’t aware of myself and it was 2 in the morning.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 02/07/2023 22:53

WilkinsonM · 02/07/2023 09:06

Yeah you should feel bad because you were really inconsiderate by not keeping quiet. Nothing wrong with having quiet sex when someone else is in the house but loudly orgasming where your teenager can hear you is shitty. I can't comprehend why you would have done that. Can you not control yourself?

This

Palomabalom · 02/07/2023 22:54

Twattle · 02/07/2023 09:19

I was 16, and it sounded like she was crying but then I put 2 and 2 together and realised.

It grossed me the hell out.

Show quote history

It can be traumatising for some hearing their parents like that. It’s the revulsion and the fact that no attempt was made to not make a noise. There’s just really no need for it to sound animalistic for goodness sake. It’s certainly something that will stay with her for years to come unfortunately and it may be that she needs space to process this for a while. She’ll be feeling a rather deep rooted ick factor

Astridastro · 02/07/2023 23:19

DH and I have actually decided not to get up to anything tonight as our four teenager are still awake and venturing about the house (school holidays). Very offputting. If we do we have to be very quiet paper thin walls teenagers on either side.