Teenager heard us having sex

[ElenaGreco76]

Okay, my teenager was home from uni. She’s 18, has a boyfriend and is very worldly wise. At about 2 in the morning when we assumed she was asleep my partner (her step-dad) and I had sex. I’m always mindful when the kids are in the house but I think without realising at the, ahem, crucial moment, I was a bit loud. The next day she was really off and I asked what was wrong. She said she heard us and is disgusted and that I sounded like ‘an animal in pain’ 😳. I was aghast and apologised but now feel really bad - like I’ve traumatised her. Thing is, I can remember hearing my own mum and it freaked me out — it was a very strange, disturbing noise and didn’t sound like my mum.

Should I feel bad? What should I say?

Exactly.

My mum and dad always used to have sex and honestly I remember the feeling when I used to hear them, I ain't no prude but it used to flip my guts. They never had any care for who was in the house my mum used to scream like a banshee and the next day I always used to shut down abit. I'd be mortified if anyone heard me in the act aswell x

Immature and spiteful? Ridiculous.

Everyone knows their parents have sex, that is NOT the same as being subjected to listening to them orgasm

She's 18, not 8. All this talk of trauma and incest is nonsense.

She is coming to realise that you are a person in your own right and not just her mother, and she's probably grossed out but there's no need to make a huge deal of this.

You can't go back in time and make it not happen. A quick sorry should be enough.

I used to hear my parents having sex. I remember it 20 years later so it must have been traumatic. It always made me feel really awkward the next day too. You don't want to think about your parents having sex, even though you know they do.

Obviously it’s disgusting hearing your parents or child having sex.

I’m sure even at your age you’d hate hearing your mum having sex.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t put a pillow over your mouth but I’m sure it wasn’t intentional.

Obviously this is MN and because you’re a woman it’s absolutely fine to have loud sex and if your kids don’t like it they can move out.

MN is weird sometimes as an OP said her 18 y/o son was having sex and his little sister heard and everyone said it was disgusting and he should be kicked out.

I’m sure if it was the man making lots of noise then posters would also be saying it’s disgusting.

I believe my friends dad used to be loud so she could hear him having sex with her mum it was disgusting and none of us stayed over because of it.

You should nothing, everyone is creeped out at the thought of their parents having sex.

Go with the saying,"least said, soonest mended".

Traumatic? Generally curious, why is it traumatic?
I can't imagine being traumatised by a family member having sex 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ummm... yes, I'll be honest, I'm VERY grateful that in my 23 years I've never heard anything 'suspicious' from my mother. IMO, it would undoubtedly make my blood run cold.

But you said you said yourself, you did it once, and you must feel torn about it otherwise you wouldn't have asked for a different perspective.

So with that being said, I wouldn't worry too much. We all do things we wish we could go back and change in hindsight.

If you did it consistently (loud) with your DD at home, then yes, I may be more inclined to judge you.

@johnd2

You don’t mind hearing your parents having a poo?! 🤢

It’s completely different to having sex but either one I wouldn’t want to hear.

You sound like you have issues if you genuinely don’t even find it a bit gross hearing your parents having sex or going for a poo.

I would feel very uneasy if my adult child was ok listening to me having sex or going for a poo.

Keep the volume down. I don’t understand why some people have to be so loud about it.

MN is weird sometimes as an OP said her 18 y/o son was having sex and his little sister heard and everyone said it was disgusting and he should be kicked out

Well the difference here is that the daughter is an adult, and not a young child.

How is she meant to make sure “it never happens again”? Stop having sex? It was 2am in their own bedroom ffs, not midday fucking over the kitchen table.

It’s not a huge deal - don’t make jokes about it, just say you’re sorry she overheard, it wasn’t intentional and you understand it made her uncomfortable, but there’s nothing disgusting about anyone having sex.

No one wants to hear either their parents or kids having sex. At 18 she’s still half a kid so it’s going to bother her more than at 23, but she’s not 12 and it’s a good leaning experience that parents are people too, and whatever she thinks she’s in your house and needs to be polite.

If the moodiness carries on repeat that you are sorry she overheard, but that sex is normal, and while she may feel uncomfortable for a bit, she needs to be polite.

JfC if she's so traumatised she has two options get the fuck over it or ensure that it never happens again and get her own roof over her own head.

This is grim OP.

Yes but the mum heard it (the OP) and everyone said the same that it was disgusting and he should be kicked out.

It was only when a couple posters said about how extreme it is to kick him out did OP drip feed that he had a little sister but the replies before were saying how disgusting/disrespectful it was for him to have sex in OPs house loud enough that OP heard.

Some of the responses here are getting ridiculous now. Traumatised? Incest? From hearing her parents have sex? Honestly, no wonder kids are growing up so Fragile and delicate when they enter the big wide world if you shelter them from the most natural normal things in life that they have had no preparation of how to deal with their emotions in life.

You're reading way too much into my post, I'm not that invested in this thread to be honest!

Based on your thread title, I was expecting this to be about a 13 or 14 year old "teenager".

At 18 years old, your daughter is an adult. If she house shares, she's going to overhear flatmates having sex. OK, not the same as hearing your parents having sex, but I don't think you should feel you have "traumatised" her.

An apology is sufficient and be quieter next time. What if it were the other way round, ie your daughter and a boyfriend having noisy sex under your roof? Would you tell her it was disgusting and embarrass her? No, you'd let it go or you'd discreetly mention that the walls are thin and they might want to keep the volume down.

Don't let her make you feel terrible about this.

It's not the fact that they are having sex, it's being an unwilling witness/participant to the moment. It's a visceral feeling for many and causes great upset. Some people have more sensitive disgust responses which is why some faint at the sight of blood and others are surgeons, some can't watch spots being squeezed and some watch it for relaxation. We are different, and what for some people is 'eh, but grim but whatever' is traumatising for others. Calling a teenage girl spiteful for being upset by this is unbelievably callous.

She can orgasm quietly when she knows her DD is in the house! It's not that difficult, I manage it most nights!

When I was younger I had a friend who told me she regularly heard her mother (a widow) having sex with her 'fancy man' (her term for it). At the moment of climax her mother used to shout 'Mercy Jesus!' at the top of her voice. Mother also had a collection of pornographic Betamax videotapes under the bed to get things going. When my friend saw I had a player she brought some round and we had a right laugh watching them.

Good grief, she's at uni, surely she's heard house mates having sex before?? I know it's a bit from to hear your parents, but at 18 she's old enough to know that it's just sex and put her headphones on/ roll over and go back to sleep. I wouldn't be apologising or pandering to her, tell her to grow up!