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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

making 16 years old to move out

141 replies

Ramiona · 01/07/2023 16:09

Hi, so according to the law, 16 years can live independently but parents are responsible for them. How does it work? I have an almost 16 years old daughter who is highly abusive. I want her out, there is nothing I can do anymore with her behaviour. I am not able to control her. She has also OCD, and anxiety. She was challenging since I remember I was asking for mental help schools but they failed to provide anything. She can hit me and kick the door walls. The current situation is not good for my younger child and I am afraid I will finish with a stroke if I live longer under the same roof as my older daughter. I need to somehow move her out, there are no other family members to take her, and her father has rights taken away by the court. I do not want to involve the police as I lied to them already when she run away for half a day saying she will hit herself (they asked if she ever hit me and I said no even thou I have pictures proving otherwise but I didn't wanted put her in trouble). I don't want to cause her trouble I just want her out.

OP posts:
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OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 01/07/2023 16:13

What have you done so far to help her with her OCD and anxiety??

BiscuitsandPuffin · 01/07/2023 16:13

I think you'd need to ring social services and get advice from them, because children's services would need to deal with sorting out housing etc, it's not as simple as just moving out at this age as she can't legally be on a tenancy or get a social home until she's 18.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/moving-out/

Moving out

Moving out is a part of growing up. We have advice about the laws that keep children safe and the support available for young people who move out.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/moving-out

smilesup · 01/07/2023 16:14

Where will she live? It's impossible to find affordable accommodation as a professional adult let alone a vulnerable, unemployed 16 year old.

WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 16:15

so according to the law, 16 years can live independently but parents are responsible for them. How does it work?

it means that 16 year olds can be placed in 'semi independent' placements by social services or by housing departments if they are homeless or leaving care, and don't have to be placed in foster care. It doesn't mean you can kick your 16 year old out and expect her t be able to rent a flat and claim benefits 🙄

You're responsible for her until she's 18. Including housing her. That's it.

WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 16:16

BiscuitsandPuffin · 01/07/2023 16:13

I think you'd need to ring social services and get advice from them, because children's services would need to deal with sorting out housing etc, it's not as simple as just moving out at this age as she can't legally be on a tenancy or get a social home until she's 18.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/moving-out/

Children's services won't 'sort out housing' though. They will explain the parents need to accommodate their child. They will hopefully signpost to support services but that's likely to be it.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 16:19

Did you get your daughter the treatment that she clearly needed? Who is her therapist? Or did you expect the school to deal with it?

BiscuitsandPuffin · 01/07/2023 16:19

WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 16:16

Children's services won't 'sort out housing' though. They will explain the parents need to accommodate their child. They will hopefully signpost to support services but that's likely to be it.

Show quote history

Well actually if the OP is intentionally making the child homeless the child becomes a Child in Need and Children's Services will have to act in some way shape or form. If she absolutely cannot return home, the housing in question might be a tent in a field which is obviously a massive issue in and of itself. But (as per the point of my post) I do think encouraging this struggling family to contact social services is the right thing to do to get whatever support they are able to offer in her area.

watermeloncougar · 01/07/2023 16:21

You need to contact social services but I'm also surprised that you aren't prepared to be honest with the police, if your daughter is this awful. She's assaulted you. Why are you trying to protect her from the consequences of her actions? What if she assaults the younger child next?

ClaraBourne · 01/07/2023 16:26

What do you think will happen to her mental health if you do this?

AutumnCrow · 01/07/2023 16:37

I agree you need to contact social services (children and young people's social care). The council website will have the number for the duty desk.

In my city, there are still 'children's homes' which are houses with 5 - 6 bedrooms for children / youngsters, and on-site staff. Most of the young occupants have been required to leave by parents under similar circumstances to yours, OP (violence towards mum), and they are predominantly 15 - 16. (As pp said, the younger children are with foster families.)

They are then helped into supported housing, supported tenancies, or another solution.

Crazydoglady1980 · 01/07/2023 16:40

Contact social care, they will become involved if you go to housing and state you are making her homeless. Don’t expect that they will just take her though. You will be expected to use the people around you to help home her and work with services with a view to get her home again.
Although children can choose where they live from the age of 16, this has to be safe and parents retain parental responsibility to care and house their children until they are 18.

Original poster
Ramiona · 01/07/2023 16:46

Well, she doesn't want to go. Here she has iPad, internet, Netflix, Disney, Hulu, VPN, dishes, and laundry done, I work full time and after work, all her cleaning is on me. of course she doesn't want to move out. She can shower 3 times a day and drain all my electricity. If I have life like that I wouldn't move out either

OP posts:
PartyPartyYeah · 01/07/2023 16:47

Have you looked up PDA?

WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 16:47

BiscuitsandPuffin · 01/07/2023 16:19

Well actually if the OP is intentionally making the child homeless the child becomes a Child in Need and Children's Services will have to act in some way shape or form. If she absolutely cannot return home, the housing in question might be a tent in a field which is obviously a massive issue in and of itself. But (as per the point of my post) I do think encouraging this struggling family to contact social services is the right thing to do to get whatever support they are able to offer in her area.

Show quote history

I can't tell you how many times I've had parents telling me we have to find somewhere for their teenager to live because they want to kick them out and I promise you we only do so in about 5% of cases. Sometimes it's absolutely necessary to accommodate a teen but usually it's not. A parent can't just 'make their child homeless'

Original poster
Ramiona · 01/07/2023 16:49

@ClaraBourne what do you think will happen to her mental health if I drop dead? I work full time I go sleep at midnight and wake up at 5 to organise the house and clean all her mess. Then on my day off I have fights and bruises and I am called all kinds of names. Do you think this is good for my and my younger child mental health?

OP posts:
WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 16:51

Ramiona · 01/07/2023 16:46

Well, she doesn't want to go. Here she has iPad, internet, Netflix, Disney, Hulu, VPN, dishes, and laundry done, I work full time and after work, all her cleaning is on me. of course she doesn't want to move out. She can shower 3 times a day and drain all my electricity. If I have life like that I wouldn't move out either

I mean, she is your daughter - why do you think she shouldn't have these things?

Original poster
Ramiona · 01/07/2023 16:51

@Crazydoglady1980 what people around? there are no people around. Especially no people legally obligated to take her and grandparents not even visiting me anymore because of her behaviour

OP posts:
Original poster
Ramiona · 01/07/2023 16:55

@WilkinsonM If I won't be able to make her move now then the day she is 18 I will give up my house and move out with her younger sister. Even if I had to live in a camper. Then no law will make me take her back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ramiona · 01/07/2023 17:01

@WilkinsonM yes, I do say it. She shouldn't have these things. There should be some balance; you give something, you get something. Not laying all day in front of Netflix or watching YouTubers. and fight that she has to have everything. 2 more years she will be out with her iPad but no internet who will give it to her then?

OP posts:
KnittedCardi · 01/07/2023 17:04

Other than school, who really weren't in a position to help, have you ever contacted your GP or social services? Who diagnosed the anxiety and OCD? Has your daughter taken her GCSE's? Does she have any friends? What are her other issues? Why is she so angry?

Snugglemonkey · 01/07/2023 17:18

Have you parented her through her mental health issues? Sought help for her? Why are you so angry with her? I realise you are exasperated, but it is your job to see her to adulthood.

Justkeepatit · 01/07/2023 17:19

You sound completely at your wits end, is there anyway you can get respite, could you and your younger child take a break somewhere else, even a Premier inn for a few nights, just to get a break from the tension. I am so sorry you are suffering this all alone, have you friends that you can confide in and get support from?

Fandabedodgy · 01/07/2023 17:22

Have you told social services you are not coping? Asked for help?

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 01/07/2023 17:25

Ramiona · 01/07/2023 16:46

Well, she doesn't want to go. Here she has iPad, internet, Netflix, Disney, Hulu, VPN, dishes, and laundry done, I work full time and after work, all her cleaning is on me. of course she doesn't want to move out. She can shower 3 times a day and drain all my electricity. If I have life like that I wouldn't move out either

If its as awful having her in the house as it is, why on Earth is she being given all the luxuries mentioned? Sitting on her backside all day watching TV with no chores certainly won't change anything.