The stunning selfishness of teenagers - add your example.

[OwlBeGone]

Look, I know it's a stage (usually) and part of their brain evolution but fuck me, the selfishness and self absorption really flabbergasts me sometimes. My dh has had to rush off to help his mum who is having a crisis due to undiagnosed dementia, most likely, and not once have either of my teens asked about how things are going with her!? They're 15 and 18.

In general, they're OK kids in general, and I have been keeping them updated, but that's the only reason they know what's going on. I know there's an argument of "they don't have to ask because you're telling them" but it's only if I seek them out, sometimes later on in the day.

OK I'm the only one with horrors of teens then....

Have you seen any of those social posts where parents post the “heartwarming” texts their teens have sent? Is stuff like: come and pick me up now but don’t embarrass me. Or “send the money now”. Or “bring me a drink, I’m gaming”. Watch them and you’ll know you’re not alone.

So many examples! Can't tell you how many times I've asked mine to not leave damp towels in the floor. I've asked nicely, I've shouted, I've bargained, I've negotiated and eventually I cried (it was a bad day!). Still in a rotting heap on the floor!

My mum died in May. My 15 year old has been wonderful, been upset, cried etc. Shown emotion. The 19 year old said "I don't know what to say, I'm sorry" then proceeded to bend my ear about his friends drama as one friend in their friendship group didn't want to go interailing with the other one.

I wanted to say "wow that really puts your nans death into prospective, and I thought I had reason to be upset" but instead I had to give advice while thinking "fuck me, where did I go wrong with bringing up such an unaware human being".

I wouldn't even know where to begin. In summary though, I have no right to ask any questions about their life at all. However I am permitted to drive them anywhere they want to go, while being silent and not being "embarrassing". Oh and I'm also allowed to pay for everything, without actually asking what it is I'm paying for. Yes, I think that's about it. 👍

And don't get me started on dishes. Just left where they were used. Always. Drives me spare! They have to walk past the sink and dishwasher to go anywhere. But they just don't seem to be able to make the connection to take dishes with them.
I've tried leaving them till we ran out of dishes but I just can't bear it!!

Also my sil posted a screen shot on FB

Sil to nephew
Call declined
Call declined
Call declined

Nephew to sil
I need £300 also can I have this item from Amazon

I was running a meeting on zoom, doing most of the talking and my 14yo walks into the room and demanded I talk to her there and then about a funny story she wanted to tell me about school. I had to mute and tell her to piss off and she got arsey with me. My 10yo knows not to walk in in me having a call.

DD1 always has to be asked a million times to do anything: empty the dishwasher, bring the washing in, whatever.

Then she couldn’t use her debit card to buy things online so she asked me to call the bank for her, and I said I’d do it later, etc. I kept this up for a few days.

DD1: why haven’t you called them yet?
Me: what happens when I ask you to do anything?
DD1: (deep sigh) that’s different!

When my son was about 15 I asked him to empty the kitchen bin in the wheelie binAfter lots of moaning and sighing he went outside with kitchen bin. I got on with whatever I was doing. A bit later I noticed that we didn't have a kitchen bin. I looked outside and it was on the floor next to the wheelie bin. I asked son why it was outside. Because I'd only asked him to empty it, not bring it back in. My fault entirely apparently.

When we were first locked down for Covid, my 18 year old daughter still lived at home.
2 weeks earlier we had moved into our home, miles from any family or friends.
My Dd asked if her bf could come lock down with us, I said no. Mostly because he would still have to go to work and I have a chronic illness that affects my immune system.
So, she then decides that she isnt going to speak one word to me for 3-4 weeks!
She would stay in her room all day, some get food and drinks when I was out with the dogs or food shopping, then stay back in her room til I went to bed at night.
I love my own company, but I have never felt lonely-ness and isolation like that.
I tried to engage her in conversation, ask her to come out with the dogs with me, or watch TV. I cooked her food that remained uneaten. She wouldn't even look my way.

I couldn't believe I had raised someone like that, when she has 4 siblings who were on the phone to me every day.

Aw @Furrybutts that is horrible of her. I hope her siblings gave her a hard time. Shakespeare said about, "...a thankless child." So it is an age old 'thing', but it must hurt so much.

My then 18 yr old DD went to live with her boyfriend and cut me off totally when I asked her to get a job. She literally sat in her bf parents house doing nothing for 4 yrs.

Sent DS (15 at the time!) a message to say that there was a basket of wet laundry in the utility and could he put it out in the garden for me.

Got home. The basket of washing was indeed in the garden, The washing was in the basket. Apparently I didn't make it clear that he needed to hang the washing up so that it could dry...

He then proceeded to moan at me that something he wanted to wear later to go out was not dry. Such as shame it couldn't be tumbled...

My 14 year old can be pretty selfish at times and his room can be a nightmare BUT just occasionally he does something so heartbreakingly sweet that he’s completely forgiven

Sorry but this made me laugh - a lot 🤣🤣🤣

Are you raising my kid? This is exactly what my 13-year-old is like 😂

I'm currently on crutches with a fractured ankle. DD needed her school trousers, which were on the bannister outside of her room she screamed for me to pass them to her through the door. So I had to hobble up and move the trousers 1 metre.
She's a school refuser with MH issues though so I didn't want to risk her not going in.

Not defending teens as they are very selfish, but I remember being 15 and my gp dying of cancer. I was sad about it but I didn't want to let my parents see, I felt awkward about it for some reason and also thought it might upset them further. Asking them for details or how they were feeling about it, just felt like something that "wasn't done" and wouldn't have been welcomed. Like they wouldn't have wanted or felt comfortable opening up to me as their child.

Now I've read this, I wonder if they thought I just didn't care.

Again, not defending teens, but just to give a perspective on why they might be acting this way.

I am so sorry to hear this. My cousin (aged 26) was the exact same. My beloved gran died 2 months ago at home. I sat with her until the undertakers came, helped arrange her funeral, gave her dignity, sang to her in the final hours. 4 days after her death, my cousin was uploading party pics onto IG, with hashtag 'living my best life'. It really really hurt. It would cost nothing to have a little respect. Didn't even call her dad on the day of the funeral, or contact us at all.

My Grandad (Mum's Dad) died when I was 15 on the 23rd December. He wasn't a very nice man and had no time for us Grandchildren, but still.... I actually turned around and said "Well, let's not let it spoil Christmas".

We still have a laugh about how self centered and totally selfish I was. My mum did forgive me... thankfully.

i must have so many examples but can’t think of many, brain fog colliding with the teenage years…..
one is often wanting to be collected from college if lessons finish early which is an hours round trip drive for me, to save them a 25 minute walk to the train station which is a 5 minute drive away.
when making pasta for lunch when I was having a really busy day, asking them to make me some, making a lovely insta worthy lunch for themself and just dumping a few extra bits of plain pasta in a bowl for me.
complaining about every little ache and pain and cold symptom whilst I was suffering from a very scary and painful flare up of a chronic condition.

Mostly it is the every day small acts that make me think, wow, you are utterly self absorbed. I really hope this is a developmental phase which will pass, and they will go back to being a kind and caring person.

Think I've blocked the worst out and there were many.. in fact, I went to stay with my mum for a week's holiday and left them to it at one point, sick as a pig I was of their selfishness and taking everything for granted.

It does get better..

I've hit jackpot with my eldest so I'm genuinely terrified what will happen with my others, especially DS2 who is a highly strung little individual.

I live in fear 😂

Ah yes I have made the mistake a few times of buying something nice for “everyone” and discovering that teen DD has eaten it all in a day and seemed completely oblivious to why everyone was upset. I learnt my lesson on that one.
@hidinginthegarden my teen learnt the hard way that if she doesn’t hang up her towel then she has to use it damp, it still took her surprisingly long to actually start doing it though