The stunning selfishness of teenagers - add your example.

[OwlBeGone]

Look, I know it's a stage (usually) and part of their brain evolution but fuck me, the selfishness and self absorption really flabbergasts me sometimes. My dh has had to rush off to help his mum who is having a crisis due to undiagnosed dementia, most likely, and not once have either of my teens asked about how things are going with her!? They're 15 and 18.

In general, they're OK kids in general, and I have been keeping them updated, but that's the only reason they know what's going on. I know there's an argument of "they don't have to ask because you're telling them" but it's only if I seek them out, sometimes later on in the day.

aaaah the worst bit about it that I can't even moan to my mum cos apparently it's my bad parenting and we would have never behaved like that!!!

Being the repository of blame for all the wrongs in the world. Bus didn’t come? Rant at mum. WiFi down? Complain to mum. Bad weather? Rant at mum again. Too much homework? … etc.

Things I try to do:
Murmur sympathetically ‘I know, it’s terrible’ - agreeing seems to utterly flummox them
Avoid the temptation to reply sarcastically (hard sometimes)
Ignore bedroom floor detritus including overflowing bin
Breathe deeply
Not open wine

One of my stepson's is 15 and now only visits around his birthday and Xmas or if we're going on holiday. Will phone my DH if he needs something but any time DH tries to get him to come and spend some time with his family he's too busy with mates or the latest girlfriend. He lives about 40mins away and DH will drive to collect him and drop him off so no effort on his part. He also doesn't bother with DHs birthday or father's day etc.

My other stepson who's 16 stays a bit more often but will not stay for weeks on end because he's been pulled up for something (smoking at 15, stealing, lying). He left our wedding immediately after the dinner to hang out with his mates. We hadn't seen him for a couple of months and he called and asked his dad to sort him out with an outfit for his school dance in 2 days time. He stayed with us for 6 weeks straight because his mum was doing his head in.

Basically both rarely put in any effort but expect my DH to jump as soon as they want something. He used to do it just for a chance to see his kids but now doesn't and they've both been told privileges are being cut unless they change their behaviours and attitudes.

I work Monday to Friday in the office and have done since the kids were 3.

My 19 year old got a part time job around college Thursday and Saturday .it's a 90 journey door to do walk - bus- walk or 30 mins ish car journey.

I took the Thursday off for her first day and drove her to work .
Next 2 Thursdays she got the bus all fine.
4th Thursday as I m leaving 7 am ish I ask her why she hadn't left yet and wasn't dressed .

Queue big screaming monologue as to why I didn't tell her I was going to work and if I m not going to drive her I need to tell her the night before .

A funny really. He used a whole bag of prawns in one sandwich. So much for saving them for a special tea!

Dd winds me up by putting one t-shirt in the wash that she decides she urgently needs, ignoring the full washing basket. Or, chucking the first things she can find in to avoid a lecture, then only taking her t-shirt out to hang up 😤. Now we've moved on to basically throwing the clothes at the clothes horse, screwed up, trousers with one leg in one out, all bunched up. Every evolution is technically what I've asked her to do, but worse than not doing it at all.

Sorry but this one made me giggle 🤭

This had me roaring 😂😂

My 13 did hang his towel up on the rail this morning - by taking my neatly hung up one off and leaving it on the floor instead 😂😂

You know those scenes in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, those strange flat-topped mountains? Let's just say the Laundry Fairy went on strike about a year ago... 😂

They spend every waking moment on their phones, yet when you call (to tell them you are waiting for them at the arranged collection point i.e. an expected call, not just a chat) do they answer? Do they heck!

Being woken up to "where have you put my xyz?".

DDs (18 and 14) cleaned the bathroom while I was away for the weekend and tidied up upstairs, without being asked. I came back to a cleaner house than I left!

On the other hand, in the previous week DD1 had moaned at me that her dinner was inedible when she hadn't told me she was going to be back late, and DD2 often has very last minute and rather unreasonable demands for lifts and frequently leaves a stack of dirty plates and cups in her room. DD1 is also doing exams at the moment so certainly gets cut a bit more slack. DD2 has ASD, ADHD and anxiety and finds it very difficult to organise herself to be tidy or and leave on time. They can both be very difficult to get out of bed.

I think generally pick your battles, model kindness, good behaviour and attitudes yourself, be a rock for them and let them know that you love them, and they will come through. Mine are frequently lovely and thoughtful, and capable of being very mature as well as infuriating and self-centred. Their brains are very much still developing and they will get there in the end. DD2 is taking some ADHD and anxiety medication which is helping somewhat also.

My DD13 thinks its fine to take whatever she wants from anyone elses room because she 'needs' it. She leaves everything all over the floor including her towel but its ok because she just uses mine as its in the bathroom. she screams and laughs when on calls to her mates but if we even look at her we get evil looks or shouted at. she is a dream!!

Ds 8 is off school a second week for half term. Negotiated with dd 16 to watch him for 45 mins today. 2 hours before that she announced she can't as she is going to see her bf. The one she sees 7 days a week. And moaned surely she can just leave him if she locks the front door??

That sounds like an entirely reasonable and honest response in the circumstances.

Both my teens have an aversion to putting away their freshly washed and neatly folded clothes that I leave on their beds. The cycle goes like this; The pile remains on their beds until they need to sleep when they are duly transferred to the floor. They stay on the floor for another few days, with specific items of clothing being picked from the pile if/when they need them. Eventually the pile of clean clothes gets mixed up with the dirty clothes that are also lying on the floor. The cat might decide to lay on them one day. Teens are now unable to identify the clean clothes from the dirty so they dump everything back in their laundry baskets for the cycle to begin again. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I struggle with sleep and was going through a really bad patch. Said to the dc I was dead on my feet so any help with emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming etc would be greatly appreciated. They did nothing. One morning I got up to get the younger children ready for preschool/school and the kitchen was an absolute dump. Their dirty plates from dinner were just left on the table, dishwasher full of dirty stuff because they hadn’t put their plates in and turned it on, crumbs etc from snacks everywhere, sink filthy where they’d tipped drinks into it… I felt totally overwhelmed and broke down and cried at which point my 16 year old told me I was a bad mother for crying in front of the little ones and upsetting them and that she wasn’t a mind reader and if I wanted stuff doing I should ask. Tried explaining that I shouldn’t have to ask them to clear up their own stuff and that it made me feel like they thought their time was more valuable than mine when they left it for me to do and she called me a narcissist

I bought them separate laundry baskets/boxes just to put the mountain of clean clothes in as I was fed up of putting them on the bed then the clothes being chucked on the floor when they got into bed, or not being able to find a laundry basket as it still contained clean clothes not put away. Things still end up all over the floor but there is some semblance of organisation, some of the time anyway!

My three are pretty good, but my eldest is a bit on the spectrum. She had a hard day today. She got up just before she had to leave to start her PT job (2:30pm) and got home just before 7pm, so a four hour shift. She went straight into her room downstairs and ordered herself a pizza to be delivered. Didn’t come up and say hi, didn’t think about any dinner that was already prepared or seeing if anyone else wanted any pizza. I went down to have a chat with her about that being all very “me-oriented behaviour” which went okay until she asked me to transfer the money for her pizza since she didn’t eat any of the meal I had cooked.
Uh….. no.

Oh my god these are HORRIFYING me, my two are still at the super cute and chatty stage.... I am terrified!

The lady whose son was interrailing, are you not allowed to SAY, 'I am grieving my mother, your grandmother, dying you insensitive toe rag' or does it not work like that????

That made me feel sad - has she ever addressed it? Or did she just start talking to you when she needed something / boyfriend dumped her type-thing?

I actually think that’s fine. He wasn’t a very nice man so I expect everyone was just pretending to be sad anyway!

@TwoFluffyDogsOnMyBed Yeah me too. Perhaps a little blunt and honest but not self-centred.

I feel comforted by this. Mine is the same, except his sibling no longer lives at home and we don't have a cat so those variables are removed.

I am now holding on to clean clothes until he is ready to welcome them (put them away).

Sniffing teenage boy clothes to check whether they are clean or dirty is something no one should have to do!

On a 'bad day' I was ranting about having to do everything / no one helps me round here / you're costing me a fortune etc, 17yo DD pipes up with 'well you shouldn't have had kids if you don't want the commitment'. I could have put her up for adoption then and there! Fortunately, she's 18 and quite nice now!