The stunning selfishness of teenagers - add your example.

[OwlBeGone]

Look, I know it's a stage (usually) and part of their brain evolution but fuck me, the selfishness and self absorption really flabbergasts me sometimes. My dh has had to rush off to help his mum who is having a crisis due to undiagnosed dementia, most likely, and not once have either of my teens asked about how things are going with her!? They're 15 and 18.

In general, they're OK kids in general, and I have been keeping them updated, but that's the only reason they know what's going on. I know there's an argument of "they don't have to ask because you're telling them" but it's only if I seek them out, sometimes later on in the day.

Oh my days, I could write a book. I find it really hard to deal with. My daughter went from being a needy, huggy 11 year old to being a rude, obnoxious, opinionated teen. She's 15 next week and I'm still not used to it. I feel like the worst mum in the world at times! Please tell me it gets better.

Apparently I “don’t love” my eldest daughter, because I’ve stopped collecting wet and dirty towels from her bed and washing them.

She was horrified to learn that a damp towel, when left on the bed, will result in a damp bed. There was zero introspection just “how could you let me sleep in a wet bed?”

I’d like to add that between the ages of 4 and 6, this girl woke me on a near nightly basis to ask me to change her wet bed. Which I (or her dad) did dutifully and without complaint. No matter the hour. I have done my fucking time.

I’m not even making her wash the bloody things. I just want her to hang them up / out them in the wash.

I get home after my two DS (15 & 17) and on bin days, they will both have walked past the empty wheelie bins to get in the house but don't think to move them off the drive so I can park the car easily. Or, actually pick up any post or parcels that have been left in the porch.

I must admit I was a crap lodger in my early 20s. I did tidy up after myself but was rather slow to do and was a bit crap about general cleaning and chores which were meant to be shared.

I think it was just that as a student we were all rather relaxed about these things, and also in my first house share with my flatmate. Living in someone else's flat with someone older who liked things tidy was quite different. I only lasted six months and got a place with DH, but I have slightly cringed ever since at how immature I was before that.

I was a fucking horrible teen. No awareness probably
Mine can be little buggers. BUT they make up for it. Which I don't imagine I ever did 😳

DS1 (16) uses a new towel every single day. No matter how many times I tell him not to. I do haul them out of the basket to dry and then sneakily hand the already used towel to him in the morning before he has a shower. He doesn't seem to register how much extra work it is for me on top of everything else. He also eats us out of house and home. Doesn't care if something is meant for someone else. Will eat it anyway.
HOWEVER he is helpful if I ask him directly - he will empty the dishwasher, hang up washing (with rubber gloves on LOL) take the bin out and so on. He has never been great with empathy but I know he worries about me and asks me if I'm ok.

DS2(13) is spectacularly messy. And he is a hoarder of stuff. His shit is everywhere. He will NOT tidy up. And his clothes tend to lie where they land, which could be in the hallway or up the stairs.
HOWEVER when he comes down for dinner, he will always say something like 'ooh that looks nice', and after he's eaten, he will say 'thank you mama for my tea' and give me a hug.
And then forget to put his plate in the dishwasher 😂

Mine says this kind of stuff...I had kids and am a mum, so therefore signed myself up to domestic slavery on his behalf.
The other day he had a strop and went to his dad's because I asked him to unload the dishwasher, even though he had a cold. "I can't BELIEVE you are expecting your ILL SON to unload the dishwasher". Rage and stropping was ignited by me saying he expects me to do everything regardless of illness.
I did however stop doing hid laundry quite some time ago after he stropped at me about my substandard washing skills. Showed him how to use the washing machine and never looked back. Result.

DD14 was so considerate & loving when she was little - I feel so sad at how much she’s changed. It’s all about her. She expects loads for her birthday but DH & I don’t get so much as a card. Nothing on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day either. She can be shouting & swearing at us one minute then asking for new clothes, make up, concert tickets etc the next. Swear she thinks we’re a bottomless pit of money. She does nothing around the house but demands lifts everywhere & weekly pocketmoney.

TBH I think it typical teen behaviour. My mum died last November aged 94 and when I told my DS's (17 & 13) that granny had died they said oh dear and then immediately asked what was for dinner!

I didn't mind as I love that about kids, that they don't dwell and just get on with things. They hadn't seen her for years for various reasons - mainly her psychosis - and so weren't close to her anyway.

Mind you when our chicken got killed by a neighbours dog, that was a different story...

This Facebook link may not work but if it does, it’ll make you laugh about kids doing dishes (or not doing them) https://fb.watch/l1D28TalP2/?startTimeMs=11000

I've been relatively lucky, both of mine (now 21 and nearly 19) are genuinely lovely people and generally quite giving and considerate. Having said that, my God we have had our moments

My current peeve is DS2 pissing all over the toilet seat/floor. I have BEGGED him to try not to do it, and he will clean it up if I ask, but he isn't always in when I discover it, and I have been caught out and sat in it many times
In his defence, he sometimes does it almost in his sleep (he works odd hours and has an odd sleep pattern) but not always - sometimes he just can't be arsed, and I have trouble squaring the abhorrent selfishness of it with his otherwise loving and considerate nature! I hope to fuck he grows out of it soon, or better yet gets a civilised girlfriend who can back me up.

DS is 12 and seems to making a conscious effort to enter this phase early. Everything is such an EFFORT don't you know? It was my fault on Monday that he got intro trouble for not handing in a piece of homework because I hadn't reminded him about it. Never mind the fact I'd asked him 3 times over half term if he had any and the weekend before they went back he spent the whole time in his room gaming refusing to come out because he had a cold and was "too ill". I now have the same cold but naturally am still required to do all the things he needs me to do. Go figure.

DS has 3 regular jobs - keep his room tidy, wipe down his bathroom and do his own laundry. All of these have only become his jobs because he leaves everything in such a grim state. He does none of this other than very occasionally after endless nagging. He will then tell anyone who'll listen about how unreasonable it is to be treated as a 'child slave'.

He has also developed an aversion to brushing his teeth. Went out with friends one day in half term (which naturally he needed money for but didn't tell me about until last minute) and while he was out DP went to clean his bathroom (as he hadn't done it) and realised he hadn't brushed his teeth. Response when mentioned? "Well you didn't ASK me to did you?" Not quite sure why we suddenly need to ask him to after it being twice daily requirement for 12 years....

My example is only a small thing. When dd and I go shopping I take her for a bubble tea, but I always buy the regular size (partly because it takes her forever and a day to suck out all the little balls, and partly because I don’t have unlimited spending money). Anyway, she had her 13th birthday and was considering how to spend her money and decided she wanted the experience of a large bubble tea.

So up she went to order it, dragging me along with her for moral support, because she had to speak to a stranger, and got herself a large bubble tea, didn’t offer me anything and drank the whole thing in front of me without a second thought.

And yes, obviously I could have bought my own. I’d have felt a bit odd about her buying me one, and I was fully prepared to decline and buy my own regular sized one. But it was the fact that it just didn’t even cross her mind at any point. I couldn’t even think how to begin to address that. I was like a wet noodle!

She was a remarkably sweet natured and thoughtful child. I remember the first time I was in a position to treat my mum, so I guess I was expecting something similar.

But no.

slurp slurp slurp.

My 15 year old had a baby. I wish all I had to worry about was wet towels on the floor 😕 !!
(Lighthearted to an extent, now 18 and all is well)

Yup. My DH has this same issue with my stepsons. Never off their phone but never answer when he calls or reply to texts. Apparently he's managed to buy both sons phones that don't show missed calls on them. He's spoken to them loads about it and it's gotten slightly better but still not great. They've missed out on loads of days out they would have loved because they didn't answer their phone.

My favourite is that my OH is in the habit of thanking them for doing things they are told to do, i.e. can you put your plate in the dishwasher please, can you do your teeth please, and once he thanks them, they say YOUR WELCOME.

Your Welcome that I put my plate in the dishwasher for you. Your welcome that I cleaned my teeth for you. Your welcome that I cleaned out my skids from the toilet.

It really effing greats on me.

Ahhh poo. Grates*

@DyslexicPoster I'd have gone through him like a dose of salts for that. No apologies either. Just awful.

my dd is 24 now and lives away but comes home frequently for visits, she's lovely 99% of the time
However, she can now be home for an entire 3 night weekend and only generate 3 pairs of knickers for the wash. Unlike when she lived here and it would be 9 pairs, fresh socks twice a day, clean bed sock for the evening and then for bed, clean pjs every night ... fresh towels after one use... DOing her own laundry has changed her

I've had the usual with my lot-dirty washing and mugs etc

I've even had the 'steal clothes/make up brushes/make up/perfume' etc and 'lose' them,and refusing to answer their phones unless they want something but the biscuit has to be awarded to my sd

She is an entitled little madam at the best of times but one day I was at work

A man sexually assaulted me and I was very shaken up and had to phone dp to come and pick me up as I was too shaken to carry on the rest of my shift

I'd just got through the front door and the first words out of her mouth was 'well?you taking me to my boyfriends?' (He lived within walking distance and it was the hight of summer so broad daylight)

She threw a massive strop when told 'no' and to get a taxi or walk as we had to wait in for the police to come and take my statement-I wasn't being a cow,I really needed my dps support that night

She's still telling people how unreasonable we where that day

Another time she walked in,clicked her fingers and told her dad to make her a nail appointment for her and that it would cost him £50

Silly pratt did,she had her nails done and picked the whole lot off after 24 hours

She tried to pull the same stunt a week later and I'm the evil one for putting my foot down

Hopefully she grows up at some point but I doubt it

Better than my SS's who visit for 3 nights and have, at best, 3 pair of pants in the wash between them!

Mine were always attached to their phones as if by an umbilical cord, except when a parent was calling them.

Funnily enough, they rarely seemed to have the same blindspot when it came to one of their own friends. 🤔

If you’re giving them the lowdown on what’s happening maybe that’s why they’re not asking anything extra?

A friend's kid (massively spoiled and over-indulged and utterly self-centered) went on social media complaining about the noise from earthworks being undertaken nearby whilst on a twenty-five grand tropical island holiday that her father had paid for.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't do a teeny smile when she got her arse royally handed to her by quite a few of her followers.

I sympathise and have been there! Mine is 18 now and I'd probably say we've been getting on better the last month or so... Something seems to have clicked and she's a tiny bit more considerate!

On being asked to hang out the washing there’s a humph and a mutter”I am practically Cinderella” from my 14 year old…