Page 5 | The stunning selfishness of teenagers - add your example.

OwlBeGone · 2023-06-07T15:24:31+00:00

Look, I know it's a stage (usually) and part of their brain evolution but fuck me, the selfishness and self absorption really flabbergasts me sometimes. My dh has had to rush off to help his mum who is having a crisis due to undiagnosed dementia, most likely, and not once have either of my teens asked about how things are going with her!? They're 15 and 18. In general, they're OK kids in general, and I have been keeping them updated, but that's the only reason they know what's going on. I know there's an argument of "they don't have to ask because you're telling them" but it's only if I seek them out, sometimes later on in the day.

mycatsanutter · 08/06/2023 22:52

My older ones have left home now , but my ds was terrible at going out getting drunk and waking up when he got in , making food , faffing in the bathroom etc . He excelled himself one night when he brought a couple of friends back , sat in the back garden ( our bedroom is at the back ) chatting away then starts shouting me and DH . I open the window and he apologises for not inviting us to sit outside with his mates and would we like to? It was 2.30am and we had to get up at 6.30 😩

Catspyjamas17 · 09/06/2023 13:03

SwirlyShirly · 08/06/2023 20:39

Is it normal for this kind of behaviour to start at 11 years old in boys? Or have we just spectacularly fucked up as parents?

It started at about 18 months for DD1 😅

wingingit1987 · 09/06/2023 13:10

I don’t have teens yet but I remember my sisters being in their late teens when my grandpa died. It was very very obvious that he was going to die in the coming days and I told them both not to go out partying over the weekend incase they were needed. 1 weekend out of the millions of weekends they would have to go out drinking. They ignored this and , lo and behold, my grandpa passed away on the Friday evening. Cue them both asking my mum (it was her dad who died) to go collect them from the parties they were at it. She was literally sitting crying beside her dead father and they were blowing up her phone wanting lifts home. I texted them to say I would organise taxis which they moaned about as there would be a wait with it being the weekend. They then proceeded to show up drunk and one sister asked me to walk home and get her a change of clothes as she “felt stupid” wearing a tiny party dress while the undertakers etc were due to arrive.

citychick · 09/06/2023 21:22

DS 16. Easily racking up £80 monthly phone bills and denying it.
super fussy eater, always has been. mostly prefers ready mades to any home cooking and spends days staring at his phone watching men shout at a fake football game.
barely makes eye contact with anyone but insists we listen to his morning monologs on football.
God knows how he's going to pass his gcses when all he's been talking about is football. ugh.

He's as loving as he is selfish. ugh.

tothelefttotheleft · 09/06/2023 22:32

Furrybutts · 07/06/2023 18:58

When we were first locked down for Covid, my 18 year old daughter still lived at home.
2 weeks earlier we had moved into our home, miles from any family or friends.
My Dd asked if her bf could come lock down with us, I said no. Mostly because he would still have to go to work and I have a chronic illness that affects my immune system.
So, she then decides that she isnt going to speak one word to me for 3-4 weeks!
She would stay in her room all day, some get food and drinks when I was out with the dogs or food shopping, then stay back in her room til I went to bed at night.
I love my own company, but I have never felt lonely-ness and isolation like that.
I tried to engage her in conversation, ask her to come out with the dogs with me, or watch TV. I cooked her food that remained uneaten. She wouldn't even look my way.

I couldn't believe I had raised someone like that, when she has 4 siblings who were on the phone to me every day.

That sounds awful. Have you managed to get past this?

tothelefttotheleft · 09/06/2023 22:33

tukker · 08/06/2023 12:26

My then 18 yr old DD went to live with her boyfriend and cut me off totally when I asked her to get a job. She literally sat in her bf parents house doing nothing for 4 yrs.

ThAts a big gap to explain on a cv. How are things now?

BestZebbie · 09/06/2023 22:41

Begonne · 08/06/2023 15:27

My example is only a small thing. When dd and I go shopping I take her for a bubble tea, but I always buy the regular size (partly because it takes her forever and a day to suck out all the little balls, and partly because I don’t have unlimited spending money). Anyway, she had her 13th birthday and was considering how to spend her money and decided she wanted the experience of a large bubble tea.

So up she went to order it, dragging me along with her for moral support, because she had to speak to a stranger, and got herself a large bubble tea, didn’t offer me anything and drank the whole thing in front of me without a second thought.

And yes, obviously I could have bought my own. I’d have felt a bit odd about her buying me one, and I was fully prepared to decline and buy my own regular sized one. But it was the fact that it just didn’t even cross her mind at any point. I couldn’t even think how to begin to address that. I was like a wet noodle!

She was a remarkably sweet natured and thoughtful child. I remember the first time I was in a position to treat my mum, so I guess I was expecting something similar.

But no.

slurp slurp slurp.

I don't actually think this one is especially selfish - she was spending her birthday money on an item she wanted for herself. If she was buying a new top, or a LEGO set, or a pair of headphones with it, would you expect her to buy one for you too? Why would the rules about using her own birthday money to treat herself become suddenly different just because she was buying an edible item?

tothelefttotheleft · 09/06/2023 22:53

HurdyGurdy19 · 08/06/2023 20:37

My daughter passed her driving test at age 19. Apparently her dad and I were "a pair of fucking arseholes" for having the audacity to go away for the weekend following her driving test and not staying home and taking her shopping for a car.

A weekend that had been booked for three months, and that she was well aware of.

I hope you didn't buy her a car after that?

outinthesun234 · 20/06/2023 18:25

I wouldn't even know where to begin. In summary though, I have no right to ask any questions about their life at all. However I am permitted to drive them anywhere they want to go, while being silent and not being "embarrassing".

Yes, this.

DH and I have horrible bug...no, is there anything I can do for you? All the talk is about self, self, self. Very materialistic. All about image. Happy to shop with me though so long as I have my purse. Really hoping all this will change. BUT keeping out of trouble I suppose.

TheOrigRights · 20/06/2023 20:13

As I stumbled to the bathroom, bleary with sleep having just been woken up BY MY SON, he asked "is it cold outside?".

On one hand we know nothing and on the other they think we know the outside temperature at all times

seennothinglikeit · 20/06/2023 22:33

Id had a stressful day dealing with elderly parent and hospital admission.

I said I was tired to my DD 12, she said 'it's all about you again'
Charming

LubaLuca · 20/06/2023 22:40

My son is going on holiday with friends in 2 weeks. I said months ago that I can get him and a couple of others to the airport for their 6am flight if they get organised between themselves. This evening, I again asked him if I'm required for that airport run:

"Jesus fucking christ, why are you so obsessed with my holiday?!"

Err, because I'll need to leave the house at 3am to get you there and then go to work afterwards, and a bit of notice would be appreciated you selfish shit 🙄

savehannah · 20/06/2023 22:45

Mine spent the journey to work complaining about how she hates walking in late. It was her not getting up early enough that made her late. But according to her it's something out of her control. After a dropped her off (with no thanks) I get a text saying she's forgotten her glasses and can I just pop home and get them.

BackAgainstWall · 20/06/2023 23:48

Most of the time, I honestly wouldn’t know where to start - I’m sure they’re wired up differently these days 🍷

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 21/06/2023 00:06

Younger DD was throwing up in the bathroom, I’m holding her hair back and trying to clean her up/calm her down.

Older one (14) appears silently in the doorway, watches the spectacle, then goes to the kitchen and returns with a glass of iced water. And drinks it. Because she’s thirsty. 🫠

RoseMartha · 21/06/2023 00:18

Buying a takeaway pizza which i never usually do but eldest just left school so was a treat. Only to be told by 16 year old that the pizza wasn't F*ing big enough along with the whole garlic pizza she had and potato wedges! I was tempted to throw it in the bin but it would've been a waste.

XelaM · 21/06/2023 06:38

LubaLuca · 20/06/2023 22:40

My son is going on holiday with friends in 2 weeks. I said months ago that I can get him and a couple of others to the airport for their 6am flight if they get organised between themselves. This evening, I again asked him if I'm required for that airport run:

"Jesus fucking christ, why are you so obsessed with my holiday?!"

Err, because I'll need to leave the house at 3am to get you there and then go to work afterwards, and a bit of notice would be appreciated you selfish shit 🙄

Made me laugh 😂 sorry

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/06/2023 06:57

LubaLuca · 20/06/2023 22:40

My son is going on holiday with friends in 2 weeks. I said months ago that I can get him and a couple of others to the airport for their 6am flight if they get organised between themselves. This evening, I again asked him if I'm required for that airport run:

"Jesus fucking christ, why are you so obsessed with my holiday?!"

Err, because I'll need to leave the house at 3am to get you there and then go to work afterwards, and a bit of notice would be appreciated you selfish shit 🙄

I really don't think you should take them. I'm sure you will enjoy your holiday from him as much as he enjoys his holiday!

VelvetUndergrounds · 21/06/2023 07:12

LubaLuca · 20/06/2023 22:40

My son is going on holiday with friends in 2 weeks. I said months ago that I can get him and a couple of others to the airport for their 6am flight if they get organised between themselves. This evening, I again asked him if I'm required for that airport run:

"Jesus fucking christ, why are you so obsessed with my holiday?!"

Err, because I'll need to leave the house at 3am to get you there and then go to work afterwards, and a bit of notice would be appreciated you selfish shit 🙄

Wow, I hope you don't do it now.

Throwncrumbs · 21/06/2023 07:13

Had a row with my 35 year old son before Christmas, he’s blanked me ever since, even when coming to our house, speaks to his dad, ignores me, if I try to engage, he walks away. I’ve never felt so disrespected in my whole life, especially in my own home!

TheOrigRights · 21/06/2023 07:15

Throwncrumbs · 21/06/2023 07:13

Had a row with my 35 year old son before Christmas, he’s blanked me ever since, even when coming to our house, speaks to his dad, ignores me, if I try to engage, he walks away. I’ve never felt so disrespected in my whole life, especially in my own home!

This isn't really in the spirit of the thread.
It sounds awful. Why are you still allowing him to visit your home, and why isn't your DH supporting you?

Hoppinggreen · 21/06/2023 07:41

Throwncrumbs · 21/06/2023 07:13

Had a row with my 35 year old son before Christmas, he’s blanked me ever since, even when coming to our house, speaks to his dad, ignores me, if I try to engage, he walks away. I’ve never felt so disrespected in my whole life, especially in my own home!

He might be acting like a teenager but he’s not so stop putting up with his behaviour

Throwncrumbs · 21/06/2023 07:42

Stitchesremoved22 · 08/06/2023 15:27

My 15 year old had a baby. I wish all I had to worry about was wet towels on the floor 😕 !!
(Lighthearted to an extent, now 18 and all is well)

Well that’s something to suddenly make a teen grow up quick!

Throwncrumbs · 21/06/2023 07:56

TheOrigRights · 21/06/2023 07:15

This isn't really in the spirit of the thread.
It sounds awful. Why are you still allowing him to visit your home, and why isn't your DH supporting you?

Show quote history

Posted to show that strops don’t end with being a teen!

TheOrigRights · 21/06/2023 08:13

Throwncrumbs · 21/06/2023 07:56

Posted to show that strops don’t end with being a teen!

Show quote history

Well yes, and my reply still stands, your situation isn't in the spirit of the thread. A 35 year old behaving as you describe is not comparable with the (mostly) light-hearted anecdotes PPs are describing.

Your 35 year old isn't having a strop, he's behaving appallingly.