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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD2 lost control, physically hurt us and has now left home forever

293 replies

LampsAndWatches · 07/05/2023 22:26

DD2 is our middle child and recently turned 19
she had a belated birthday get together at home this evening. A mix of us, her friends and DD1s friends.

I don’t have all the details yet, DD1 & 2 argued and before I knew it there was some shoving, hair pulling and punches thrown. Luckily I was close by and managed to get between them, I had to restrain DD2, she went wild trying to get to DD1. This has never, ever happened before.

from what I witnessed just as it happened out of no where DD2 instigated it and DD1 tried to duck away and after 2 punches she retaliated with a hair pull.

DH told everyone to leave and arranged all of that whilst I sat with (on) DD2 keeping her away from everyone. She then left after throwing a barrage of abuse at me and her dad (DH)

she has just returned to bin bag up some belongings along with more abuse she threw a glass bottle of coke at her dad which just missed his head and smashed on the floor. I don’t know where this has come from?

we recently discovered she has been doing large quantities of balloons in her car to the point that she wets herself. She promised this wasn’t happening anymore. It was supposed to be a good weekend and turned into this
she has blocked me on all social media.

I’m in shock at how she behaved, she shoved me and scratched my arm as well as taking some of my personal belongings with her when she “moved out forever and we will never see her again”

I need some support and some guidance if possible please.

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 07/05/2023 23:30

MsCactus · 07/05/2023 23:08

This is normal behaviour for teenagers I'd say - their hormones are going crazy. Feel like most teenagers get into fights with siblings/tell parents they hate them/storm out and leave house at one time or another

Crikey what planet are you on? Normal behaviour?? Certainly doesn't sound like it to me and I had 3 teens who did normal teen shit and it certainly wasn't what OP experienced.

2bazookas · 07/05/2023 23:32

Sounds as if the behaviour could be drug-induced.

Balloons in car needs to be stopped; inform police before she kills herself or someone elses child.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/05/2023 23:33

MsCactus · 07/05/2023 23:08

This is normal behaviour for teenagers I'd say - their hormones are going crazy. Feel like most teenagers get into fights with siblings/tell parents they hate them/storm out and leave house at one time or another

No it bloody isn't !

Having a strop , yes normal.

Coming back to collect belongings and throwing a full glass bottle at your dad?
No.

mummymeister · 07/05/2023 23:34

this is not normal behaviour for a 19 year old. it is however normal behaviour from a drug addict. sorry but thats what she is, a drug addict. you need to act to protect your two other children and yourself. be there if she reaches out, support her if she asks for it but stand well back for a while and let her deal with the consequences of her actions. you know where she is and you know she is safe. unless and until she makes the decision to stop taking drugs and deal with her addiction this is going to get worse. she will lie and steal and cheat because again thats what drug addicts do. i hope for your sake that she comes to her senses sooner rather than later and that tonight was her rock bottom. sadly i fear it wont be. make sure you arent financially supporting her drug habit. help her to get help but that has to be the starting point.

GirlOfTudor · 07/05/2023 23:37

There'll be a lot more to it than a single argument at a party. There'll also be a much deeper history in terms of drugs than just doing some balloons in a car.

This definitely isn't an isolated incident, especially as she came back still angry.

It isn't normal teenage behaviour either. This is very extreme and she needs some help. However, this is likely to be professional help and not what you can provide yourself.

She'll come back to you soon. I wouldn't make an effort to reach out yet.

HerMammy · 07/05/2023 23:38

Undiagnosed autism or ADHD sprang to mind when I read the thread
Fuck me, is there a thread that this isn't used to excuse shitty behaviour???

7eleven · 07/05/2023 23:41

I think I’d consider telling the police about the canisters in her car. It’s not safe. Big hugs OP. horrible experience for you all.

Nimbostratus100 · 07/05/2023 23:43

she didnt "lose control" - she made a choice to be violent and destructive. Dont let her back in.

sunshineandtea · 07/05/2023 23:47

MsCactus · 07/05/2023 23:08

This is normal behaviour for teenagers I'd say - their hormones are going crazy. Feel like most teenagers get into fights with siblings/tell parents they hate them/storm out and leave house at one time or another

Normal teen behaviour?

No it certainly is not.

OP there's some good advice here.
Good luck 🤞🏽

Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 07/05/2023 23:50

DD2 is already diagnosed with autism. ADHD
5 years go
this is new behaviour that I just can’t accept

I can’t explain how awful it was

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 07/05/2023 23:51

She crossed a line, us lucky DD1 hasn't decided to report her for assault.
She wouldn't be welcome back in my house for a long time.
Your other children need to know home is still a safe place, so tell them this.

I would also be reporting her to the non emergency police line for suspected driving under the influence, she could not only kill herself but a also a completely innocent person.

Try to arrange or find a neutral space to meet her at if she is willing after you've all calmed down.

Dedodee · 07/05/2023 23:53

Does your dd know that she could become infertile if she keeps doing balloons?

Newjobformoremoney · 07/05/2023 23:55

@Rainbowqueeen please don't think all bad behaviour is down to being neurodiverse. I am neurodiverse and I find it really frustrating when people constantly pop up on mumnset saying this.

OP, give her space. Focus on your two other daughters and see what the world looks like in the morning.

Dontknownow86 · 07/05/2023 23:57

Undiagnosed autism or ADHD sprang to mind when I read the thread

ADHD and autism are complex disorders and it is completely out of order diagnosing strangers on the internet based on one incident with 0 context. People can actually just be dicks without being ND. You're spreading negative stereotypes.

Stressedafff · 07/05/2023 23:57

Sounds like coke rage

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 07/05/2023 23:58

I'd be reporting this to the police.......not just because I'm a massive arsehole......which I am and have no time for abusive people. But also because she could become a danger to others from her behaviour and if she's driving whilst under the influence. Give her the wake up call she needs now before it's too late.

Jellycats4life · 07/05/2023 23:58

HerMammy · 07/05/2023 23:38

Undiagnosed autism or ADHD sprang to mind when I read the thread
Fuck me, is there a thread that this isn't used to excuse shitty behaviour???

I am the first person to bring up undiagnosed autism and ADHD (having direct experience) but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the OP’s posts to suggest that.

In fact I don’t think she’s really mentioned what has driven her DD to drug use and reckless behaviour.

Although let me just say that neurodivergence is never an excuse for shitty behaviour, but it can be an explanation. There’s a difference.

Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 07/05/2023 23:59

Dontknownow86 · 07/05/2023 23:57

Undiagnosed autism or ADHD sprang to mind when I read the thread

ADHD and autism are complex disorders and it is completely out of order diagnosing strangers on the internet based on one incident with 0 context. People can actually just be dicks without being ND. You're spreading negative stereotypes.

DD2 is diagnosed, for 5 year’
never behaved like this until balloons were involved

OP posts:
Jellycats4life · 08/05/2023 00:01

Darn it, I see DD2 is AuDHD.

So scrap what I said.

In that case this changes things. Sounds like she’s self-medicating and self-destructing. She needs a lot of support but may not be receptive to parents getting involved at all.

LemonSwan · 08/05/2023 00:02

30 giant canisters?! Fucking hell. I am all for allowing teens a bit of tear away. Well not really when I look at my one year old son, but I was that person who dabbled a fair bit so do sympathise.

But 30 giant canisters! That’s not going to end well. I would be trying to get her sectioned tbh.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 08/05/2023 00:03

What does DD1 say happened?

BonnieBobbin · 08/05/2023 00:04

Her saying she hates you or swearing at you isn't comparable to throwing a glass bottle or fighting with her DSIS. I think you need to stop grouping everything together. Getting your feelings hurt is part of being a parent.
I'm confused that your OP says you don't know where the fight came from but then you're certain DD2 instigated it. The fact that your DD2 is taking drugs doesn't automatically mean she is to blame for everything that happens between siblings.

Hotcrossbunnyy · 08/05/2023 00:06

Balloons don’t change your personality like that. It’s not the balloons.

and I know this because myself and my circle occasionally use them but used to every weekend.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 08/05/2023 00:06

Drugs. That’s it. It’s good she’s gone, this is horrific behaviour. You won’t be able to do anything for her if she doesn’t want it, so don’t bother. Protect yourselves.

duc748 · 08/05/2023 00:09

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 08/05/2023 00:06

Drugs. That’s it. It’s good she’s gone, this is horrific behaviour. You won’t be able to do anything for her if she doesn’t want it, so don’t bother. Protect yourselves.

No, your kids are your kids. For life. But, as other posters have said, let the dust settle.