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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD2 lost control, physically hurt us and has now left home forever

293 replies

LampsAndWatches · 07/05/2023 22:26

DD2 is our middle child and recently turned 19
she had a belated birthday get together at home this evening. A mix of us, her friends and DD1s friends.

I don’t have all the details yet, DD1 & 2 argued and before I knew it there was some shoving, hair pulling and punches thrown. Luckily I was close by and managed to get between them, I had to restrain DD2, she went wild trying to get to DD1. This has never, ever happened before.

from what I witnessed just as it happened out of no where DD2 instigated it and DD1 tried to duck away and after 2 punches she retaliated with a hair pull.

DH told everyone to leave and arranged all of that whilst I sat with (on) DD2 keeping her away from everyone. She then left after throwing a barrage of abuse at me and her dad (DH)

she has just returned to bin bag up some belongings along with more abuse she threw a glass bottle of coke at her dad which just missed his head and smashed on the floor. I don’t know where this has come from?

we recently discovered she has been doing large quantities of balloons in her car to the point that she wets herself. She promised this wasn’t happening anymore. It was supposed to be a good weekend and turned into this
she has blocked me on all social media.

I’m in shock at how she behaved, she shoved me and scratched my arm as well as taking some of my personal belongings with her when she “moved out forever and we will never see her again”

I need some support and some guidance if possible please.

OP posts:
Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 10/05/2023 22:02

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 10/05/2023 21:44

Can you be addicted to nitrous oxide?

Show quote history

From what I’m reading it’s not so much about the addiction to it it’s the B12 deficiency
I don’t know, it’s all very new to me

the high feeling lasts 15 seconds so they want to do it over and over again
those little silver ones are £10 or so each so they opt for these bigger ones.

the B12 deficiency cause issue like wetting yourself and being really quite brain dead along with becoming unable to walk.

im hopeful someone more knowledgeable will answer as I’m still not really sure

DD2 lost control, physically hurt us and has now left home forever
DD2 lost control, physically hurt us and has now left home forever
OP posts:
Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 10/05/2023 22:11

And as much as I don’t want to talk about us here anymore - she isn’t driving and won’t be for the foreseeable
it’s one of our boundary condition mainly because I paid for that privilege

OP posts:
bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 11/05/2023 01:58

I hadn't clocked that the thrown bottle was the next day, I thought she'd come back on the night of the fight and thrown it then. My apologies for that oversight, I have no idea how I didn't see that when I read your posts. It certainly casts a new light on her, and it's not a flattering one.

Stopping her driving is a very good idea. If she's chucking bottles at people in cold blood, she shouldn't be behind the wheel. If you hide the car keys, it also stops her from using the car as a place to huff NO2.

Symptoms of B12 deficiency include depression. I envision a feedback loop going something like:

  • DD2 feels like crap.
  • DD2 takes NO2 to feel a bit better for a short while.
  • DD2 feels worse because she's induced B12 deficiency.
  • DD2 takes higher doses of NO2.
  • DD2 feels even worse, rinse, repeat.
This is going to sound crazy, but bear with me. If you have a pet, make DD2 responsible for feeding it (but check that she does it) and playing with it. If it's a dog, make her walk it too. Daily physical exercise helps with depression, as does the company of an animal and being responsible for caring for another living creature.
Inyournewdress · 11/05/2023 04:33

That’s great news that she’s not driving OP, well done

Thewitcherswolf · 11/05/2023 12:25

As far as I know, there are two ways nitrous oxide can be dangerous OP - long term exposure can cause issues like the b12 absorption problem you’ve researched OP, but it can also cause hypoxia at the time it’s being used. Hypoxia = not enough oxygen in your system. This can happen if you mess with inhaling helium from balloons to make your voice squeaky too actually. Basically the nitrous oxide is taking the place of (some of the) oxygen when you breathe it in, which can lead to you not getting enough oxygen, which can cause brain damage. When nitrous oxide is used in medicine, it’s often called gas-and-air - because they mix it with oxygen. So you don’t risk hypoxia because you’re breathing in a mix of oxygen and nitrous oxide. The stuff you buy in whipped creams canisters etc is not mixed with oxygen.

Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 12/05/2023 19:43

Thewitcherswolf · 11/05/2023 12:25

As far as I know, there are two ways nitrous oxide can be dangerous OP - long term exposure can cause issues like the b12 absorption problem you’ve researched OP, but it can also cause hypoxia at the time it’s being used. Hypoxia = not enough oxygen in your system. This can happen if you mess with inhaling helium from balloons to make your voice squeaky too actually. Basically the nitrous oxide is taking the place of (some of the) oxygen when you breathe it in, which can lead to you not getting enough oxygen, which can cause brain damage. When nitrous oxide is used in medicine, it’s often called gas-and-air - because they mix it with oxygen. So you don’t risk hypoxia because you’re breathing in a mix of oxygen and nitrous oxide. The stuff you buy in whipped creams canisters etc is not mixed with oxygen.

Thank you @Thewitcherswolf that helps explain the zombie brain dead expression I’ve occasional witnessed long after balloons were inhaled and I suppose it’s also helpful in understanding why she has occasionally wet herself Sad

OP posts:
Thewitcherswolf · 12/05/2023 20:01

LampsAndWatches · 12/05/2023 19:43

Thank you @Thewitcherswolf that helps explain the zombie brain dead expression I’ve occasional witnessed long after balloons were inhaled and I suppose it’s also helpful in understanding why she has occasionally wet herself Sad

Show quote history

I’m not a medic, so I really couldn’t tell you if your DD’s symptoms are due to hypoxia or not.
I first found out nitrous oxide balloons can be this dangerous from a physiotherapist friend who has treated young users in hospital rehab after they lost motor function from balloon induced hypoxia.

Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 12/05/2023 20:25

I appreciate your reply.
as I said before this has been going on (as far as I’m aware approx 6 months) I’ve encouraged B12 injections, I paid for them privately and taken her to the GP and A&E where she was given folic acid tablets.

OP posts:
Redbird87 · 13/05/2023 02:19

Well, I know if one thing riles people up on the internet, it's parenting. And raw dog food for some reason...

Regardless, your family's still in my thoughts sometimes, and I hope you guys get through this rocky patch

Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 13/05/2023 21:54

Oh no, we raw feed our dog as well… Smile

We love DD and she loves us. We have reset in our home.
peace and comfort is restored

OP posts:
Redbird87 · 13/05/2023 23:31

LampsAndWatches · 13/05/2023 21:54

Oh no, we raw feed our dog as well… Smile

We love DD and she loves us. We have reset in our home.
peace and comfort is restored

You... you MONSTER 🤣

But for real, thank god, so pleased to hear that💖

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 13/05/2023 23:48

LampsAndWatches · 13/05/2023 21:54

Oh no, we raw feed our dog as well… Smile

We love DD and she loves us. We have reset in our home.
peace and comfort is restored

This is where MN needs a "like" button. I'm glad to read that.

CabbagePatchDole · 14/05/2023 19:25

Yes, very happy to hear it has all worked out well.

Florissante · 14/05/2023 19:26

I am so happy that all has been resolved, OP.

Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 08/07/2023 20:49

Sadly we are back.

DD has physically assaulted me, in minor ways, kicking out, pushing, scratching on at least 4 occasions now, I’m covered in bruises.

it’s the balloons again. Yesterday I had a massive hunch where she was and I was peeved because she had taken DD3 with her as a cover, DD3 is also autistic and only 14, she is vulnerable and I’m very aware of this.

we found them, balloons and massive canisters in the car, please don’t pile on me, I just can’t take it and I’m at a loss. I threw those canisters in to the darkness and forced both into our car. She went mental and attacked me, I’m still covered in bruises from the last time and the time before that.
don’t get me wrong, she isn’t beating me or anything like that. She bruises me and I never fight back.

it’s the evening after and she is out doing what ever it is again. DD3 and I are here and I’ve messaged DD2 telling her the key is where it always is
no idea what state she will come home in or when.

I don’t know what to do, I’m starting to fear DD2 and I’m conscious I need to look out for her (even though she is physically hurting me on a regular basis) and have DD3 to look out for plus me

OP posts:
Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 08/07/2023 21:05

My current bruises

OP posts:
Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 08/07/2023 21:11

Here;

OP posts:
7eleven · 08/07/2023 21:27

Is it time for the police now? I feel so sorry for you xxx

Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 08/07/2023 21:37

7eleven · 08/07/2023 21:27

Is it time for the police now? I feel so sorry for you xxx

I have called them
On Friday night, after I easily found her and she caused the ankle bruises I did call the police on her.
they said it wasn’t a crime, balloons even behind wheel aren’t illegal,.

OP posts:
7eleven · 08/07/2023 21:55

LampsAndWatches · 08/07/2023 21:37

I have called them
On Friday night, after I easily found her and she caused the ankle bruises I did call the police on her.
they said it wasn’t a crime, balloons even behind wheel aren’t illegal,.

Show quote history

Gosh, that’s surprising. Sounds like the law hasn’t caught up with modern life.

Perhaps she needs to move out. Is there a relative or friend she could go to. Incredibly hard thing for you to do, I know, but she needs boundaries. Aggression towards you is completely unacceptable. Tell her she cannot live at home if she hits you - and mean it.

7eleven · 08/07/2023 22:00

To add, I’m not suggesting “Get outta my house” Peggy Mitchell style, but “I love you and always will, but I will not allow you to attack me and behave like this.”

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 09/07/2023 12:51

they said it wasn’t a crime

ABH is a crime. Did you show the fuzz your bruises?

Original poster
LampsAndWatches · 09/07/2023 15:53

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 09/07/2023 12:51

they said it wasn’t a crime

ABH is a crime. Did you show the fuzz your bruises?

No, I can’t do that. I need to find a way to support her, find out why she is making a conscious choice to do it. I’ve offered to pay for counselling, she won’t go.

dd3 is scared of her, with both are.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 10/07/2023 07:25

You're going to have to kick her out and stop dragging her home. She's already put your other daughter in danger. You have to think of the younger ones.

7eleven · 10/07/2023 09:05

Trust me, putting in clear, loving, firm boundaries WILL help her. Your current stance isn’t working, is it.

Currently she’s out of control. She may be an adult, but she needs her parent to make her feel safe by being in charge. You may think the boundaries are for your benefit (and they are) but they will help her as well.

Don’t play this game with her anymore. Read your last sentence, above.

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