How do I deal with this hurtful behaviour?

[Changeling78]

My DD15 can be so moody and spiteful, she will stomp around the house grunting. I went to give her a hug this morning, she shook me off and recoiled. Now, I know she doesn’t have to accept a hug from me but I also want her to realise that the way she speaks and acts towards people does affect them. It’s so hurtful. If she is tired or grumpy she makes our lives miserable. I’d say this is her personality 75% of the time.
I have to take her to collect her new glasses tonight and we’ll normally call in for Macdonalds…but I don’t want to. I know it’s childish but I’m hurt.

I can't say for sure how your daughter feels, but I was once in a similar situation when I was her age. I hated how my mum's moods fluctuated with my own. I was struggling to manage my own feelings - I couldn't handle being responsible for hers, too, when I wasn't yet an adult myself. Sometimes, I wasn't cross at her in particular, but she took -everything- personally and it was impossible to deal with.

Your daughter is looking to you to be a stable support in her life - not dependent on her favor and affection. You are her mother. Not her friend. Definitely not her partner. A parent's love and goodwill should be unconditional, not depend on whether or not the child is sufficiently pleasing to you personally that day.

I would remove my feelings from the matter altogether and focus on what your daughter needs to thrive. Is she looked after? Is she cared for? Are there any lessons she needs to learn? You've done these things? Then, good, you've done your job as a parent. You can leave it at and focus on other parts of your life.

As you know, having kids isn't a deal you can get out of when you don't really like them. You're in it for the good, and the bad. Be tough and unfazed by her moods. You should see a change for the better. Wishing you luck.

To me it sounds like she is struggling. Is her mental health ok? Is anything happening online/ at school/ in the family that's upsetting her? Maybe try to have a heart to heart asking if she is ok and reassure her you are there for her then just give her some space and independence. A lot of teenage girls need this I think.

I feel your pain as my dd3 is 15 and somedays it's like knocking your head against a wall. She doesn't do hugs and that's fine but sometimes when she talks back I have to tell her that she has hurt me. She normally apologises.
My older two dds are in their early 30s and wonderful so they do come out the other side.
If she is behaving well on the day and is in a good mood I'd take her and use the occasion to spend time with her. If not I'd explain why not in a calm manner and leave it at that.

She's a teenager my daughter was bad not as bad but still not great. Sit her down tell her how you feel even if she shugs it of tell her I have 3 girls they can all be bitchy it's just there nature unfortunately periods don't help either. But tell her your always there for her but you won't tale her shit. I know it seems a little petty but sometimes you got play fire with fire if she wants something and doesn't ask nicely tell her no. They all come creeping when they want something and just because there nice for 5 minutes doesn't mean we should give in. I know most of us want to have a good friend relationship with our children but at the end of the day we're the parents and we shouldn't have to feel like crap for them to feel good. We're here to teach them right from wrong and to let them learn mistakes sometimes the hard way. I had to I was a horrible teenager but we all learn. But most of all don't feel bad she will always need you before you need her xx