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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenage twins spoiling holidays

163 replies

mickey54 · 09/04/2023 15:53

I am currently on holiday abroad with my husband and teenage twin boys. They are constantly fighting each other they won’t listen to a word me and my husband say. They are being disrespectful to us. They have me at my wits end. Feel like staying in the hotel room and crying. They are used to doing their own thing at home with friends x box etc. no idea why when we come on holiday they turn like this they did it on last holiday and I said I would never take them again. They are 13. Just ranting and crying xx

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 09/04/2023 17:12

I have to agree with @2bazookas. I would make my feelings very very plain. They can destroy their own holiday, but they wouldn't destroy mine. I wouldn't raise my voice, but they would know how angry I was with them, and then I would do a disappearing act for the day.

Prescottdanni123 · 09/04/2023 17:16

Are they bored? Are you doing much sight seeing? Or are you mainly chilling at the hotel/pool?

Kids have become so dependent on technology? They don't know how to fill spare time if they don't have their gadgets /xboxes to hand.

CrapBucket · 09/04/2023 17:17

This is very normal for teenagers and doesn’t mean you are getting parenting all wrong. They will moan constantly then tell you at a later date what a great holiday it was.

Think of yourself as teflon-mum. Just let it all slide off you. “Never mind dear” and then do whatever YOU want to do.

In a calm moment tell them your friend has messaged and is having a terrible holiday as her teenagers are ruining it and what do you think she should do? They might surprise you.

Luckystrikesun · 09/04/2023 17:18

I taking mine this year to my homeland so they can see that is poorly and they can learn my language and put up with living in the flat with grandparents and eats what nana cooks For fancy holidays I will go on my own to have a rest.

watcherintherye · 09/04/2023 17:19

The only holiday I would contemplate with teens is a villa with a pool and something like table tennis or the other kind of pool! We did this many years running and it seemed to work pretty well. I think they need space. A hotel wouldn’t have worked for us.

Parky04 · 09/04/2023 17:20

Stopped taking ours when they were 13. They stayed with grandparents and we went on our own.

kessiebird · 09/04/2023 17:24

Once you've made it clear their behaviour is not acceptable you could also try putting them in charge of research and directions for a day out / meal out. I did this with my DS (16) in our Europe trip last year after he was offended by all the seeds at a bagel place and went off to Maccies. Can laugh about it now. He used Google reviews to find cheap but highly rated restaurants that catered for us all and Snapchat maps to get us there.

I also leave DH in charge on a couple of days and go off to do sightseeing sit and read in a nice cafe as they are simply not interested. They found a sports bar in Amsterdam and a chicken place in Berlin which made them happy. DD is happy just to be away but teenagers are something else!

newjobnewstartihope · 09/04/2023 17:25

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/04/2023 16:06

Were they involved in planning the holiday? Did you ask their opinions before booking?

we took our slightly older teens away last year but they had a lot of input into where we booked. They wanted a separate bedroom to us, a gym, WiFi, right on a beach and they asked for AI too but we were planning that anyway.

we took our time to find somewhere that everyone liked the look of and we had a great week.

just taking them somewhere that you think is nice and that they should be grateful to be without considering their wants / needs is a recipe for disaster.

Ha ha wtf???

LlynTegid · 09/04/2023 17:28

I am sure you could manage without a holiday abroad for the next three or four years, if leaving them with grandparents is not an option.

furryfrontbottom · 09/04/2023 17:29

Google the local laws on corporal punishment, then bang their heads together.

Tatiepot · 09/04/2023 17:30

@2bazookas def the way to go…get it off your chest @mickey54 then flounce out with your book/DH/beach stuff/guidebook and leave them to it…oh and on the way out tell reception there is to be no room service!

And then enjoy yourself 👌

davegrohll · 09/04/2023 17:34

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/04/2023 16:06

Were they involved in planning the holiday? Did you ask their opinions before booking?

we took our slightly older teens away last year but they had a lot of input into where we booked. They wanted a separate bedroom to us, a gym, WiFi, right on a beach and they asked for AI too but we were planning that anyway.

we took our time to find somewhere that everyone liked the look of and we had a great week.

just taking them somewhere that you think is nice and that they should be grateful to be without considering their wants / needs is a recipe for disaster.

Didn't want much then 😆😆

JackHackettsMac · 09/04/2023 17:37

Maybe it’s because there’s two of them?
Could you divide and conquer whereby you take one twin and your DH takes the other one out somewhere different?

I’ve just got from a 5 day city break with my 14yr old DS and it was really lovely. DS enjoyed eating out in different places (we live rurally so rarely eat out and live too far from any takeaway shops.) He even came clothes shopping with me and was happy to browse. One day he went with DH to an Art exhibition and enjoyed that whilst I went shopping on my own and we all met up for dinner afterwards. He spent the evenings before bed on his phone playing music with headphones on.

Luckydip1 · 09/04/2023 17:38

They are capable of completely ruining a lovely holiday. 😢

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/04/2023 17:38

We asked what they’d like, if we couldn’t have found anything that suited all
of us then we wouldn’t have gone.

They have WiFi at home and wanted to stay in touch with their mates, they go to the gym most days and wanted to carry that on while we were away. Teenage boys not having to share a room with their parents. A warm holiday being near a beach. I don’t think that any of that is unreasonable, do you?

DH and I wanted a relaxing holiday too, so by booking somewhere that suited all of us, we all had a great week. If I’d taken them sightseeing in a city like op I think we would have had the same experience as her.

Each to their own I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
mickey54 · 09/04/2023 17:43

They are both totally lovely on their own and separate that’s the problem together they are complete nightmare.we have tried to split them this evening as have joining room. Good idea about doing different things

OP posts:
Original poster
mickey54 · 09/04/2023 17:45

totally agree 👍

OP posts:
Iamblossom · 09/04/2023 17:50

GettingThereCharleyBear · 09/04/2023 16:47

Bloody hell. I’m gobsmacked at the PP whose kids dictate a pool, Wifi, AI?!? My kids wouldn’t dream of producing a list like that for our holidays.

No wonder the sense of entitlement is so insane in this generation when their every whim is catered too 🙄. They can have all that when they pay for their own fucking holidays 🙄.

This

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/04/2023 18:03

Nobody dictated anything for our last holiday. We asked and then looked to see what was available. We’re talking teens here, not 6-7 year olds who are generally more easily pleased

Don’t you all understand that by asking what everyone going on the holiday would like we had a fantastic time? I’d rather do it that way than spend the money anyway and have an awful time crying in my bedroom like op.

GettingThereCharleyBear · 09/04/2023 18:08

@Muchtoomuchtodo i have teenagers too. I would not accept that level of expectation from them when I’m paying. I’m certainly not looking for a gym - they won’t suffer if they have a break for a week 🙄. FWIW we do a lot of sightseeing breaks interspersed with other stuff. A pool holiday would be my idea of hell and it’s a holiday for all of us not just them.

Teens do need to understand, however hard it is to grasp, that life doesn’t revolve around them.

SpecialMangeTout · 09/04/2023 18:17

Don’t you all understand that by asking what everyone going on the holiday would like we had a fantastic time? I’d rather do it that way than spend the money anyway and have an awful time crying in my bedroom like op.

And then what happens when the swimming pool they wanted isn’t warm enough yet?
What happens when what they want to do isn’t compatible with your idea of a hols? Let’s say they want water parks and activities etc… and you want rest by the pool (because you need the rest!)

Do you expect them to accept it’s not going to exactly like they want and to be grateful for what they have? Or is that ok for them to be grumpy and entitled?
Whats the difference? Because the OP had thought about her dcs, planned fur the pool etc…

Jellyx · 09/04/2023 18:19

Wow. They sound a little spoilt tbh! I would ask them to choose an activity they want to do - they can do their own research. If they don't want to pick then tough - they're doing what you're doing and need to be quiet.

LuluTaylor · 09/04/2023 18:29

GettingThereCharleyBear · 09/04/2023 16:47

Bloody hell. I’m gobsmacked at the PP whose kids dictate a pool, Wifi, AI?!? My kids wouldn’t dream of producing a list like that for our holidays.

No wonder the sense of entitlement is so insane in this generation when their every whim is catered too 🙄. They can have all that when they pay for their own fucking holidays 🙄.

Crazy isn't it?

OP they should have some manners regardless of how they feel. It's your and DH holiday too and DC have to come because they're too young to be left home alone, so it's tough and they need to get on with it. It's only a week or two FFS. It's a life lesson in not always getting their own way. If you give in and never go on holiday again due to their behaviour then they've won, they're ruling the household and they've learned that behaving like a dickhead gets them what they want.

DianasTeacup · 09/04/2023 18:29

Yes we had an awful holiday with our first teen at about 14yrs, he just didn't want to be there and hated it, the best day of the hols was where we left him in the cottage for the afternoon. We had a nice day with the younger ones and he loved having the place to himself. Win win. Covid put paid to any more holidays and he's now older and wiser! I remember hating holidays with my parents between about 14-16 and was delighted when at 16 I didn't have to go anymore.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/04/2023 18:30

@GettingThereCharleyBear we found a hotel that we all liked that also had a gym - they took themselves off each day whenever they wanted to. What’s the big deal? We did do trips outside of the hotel but it was primarily a relaxing week for me and DH making it even more important that the dc weren’t bored if it was going to be a good week.

@SpecialMangeTout they didn’t actually ask for a pool but there were several which they enjoyed. They prefer the sea though which is why they asked to be near a beach - not a problem and not a big ask. They’re teens not toddlers so if they wanted to go to the beach or on the slides (which were an added bonus we didn’t look for a hotel with water slide) they are quite capable of doing that and usually bringing me an ice cream on their way back!

I’m astounded at the outrage of actually going to the effort of somewhere that the kids will enjoy. They’re teens so the days of family holidays are numbered and I want to enjoy our time together. If I want a miserable holiday I’ll know not to ask them in the future!

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